Secondary Characters
by Jon Carp
Summary: Winner of the "fic most likely to have been written on acid" award. Seriously. The story is now finished.
1. Heaven

Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: Heaven  
{Jon Carp}  
Address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
  
  
  
70 degrees farenheit. Soft, tickly grass, suitable for lying   
in or smelling. Pleasant wispy mists surrounding the central meadow.   
Clear, bright, beautiful sky. Paradise.  
  
"I fucking HATE IT HERE!!"  
  
Nearly hysterical ravings scared away the peacefulness,   
stamping feet disturbed the grass, long black hair diverted attention   
from the sky.  
  
Makoto glanced over at Ami. "I don't think this is healthy   
for her," she said.  
  
Ami winced as Rei yelled something especially piercing. "It's   
not healthy for any of us. Have you tried to talk to her?"  
  
"Yep. Didn't do anything. She doesn't care what I have to   
say."  
  
"Rei, SHUT UP!" Setsuna yelled, giving her best glare. It did   
no good.  
  
"YOU shut up! I'm going out of my goddamn mind here!"  
  
"Look, just try to relax," Makoto said. "We're all bored,   
we're all frustrated, and yet not one of us, you can see, is acting   
like a maniac. It doesn't help anything."  
  
"At least I'm the only one worried about this! You guys act   
like you don't care if we ever get out of here or not!"  
  
Makoto chuckled. "Rei, we're dead. There's no escape. Just   
because you never believed in this place doesn't mean you can deny   
what's happening."  
  
Steam, actual steam, rose from Rei's head. "You...you think   
I'm denying it? You think I'm pissed because of that? I'm pissed   
because everyone's so goddamn happy! Look at them!" She pointed over   
to Mamoru, Chibi-Usa, and Minako romping off in the mist.  
  
"They're not happy," Ami said. "They're just trying to make   
the most of it. But they miss her too much to be at all content."   
There was no question who the pronoun "her" was referring to.  
  
"We all do," Makoto added.  
  
Setsuna laughed. "I don't," she said. They all looked at   
her as if she were a mutant centipede, or some sort of giant duck. "I   
didn't mean anything by that," she quickly added, cheeks slightly red.   
"I just don't miss her. And I don't know about the rest of you, but   
I'm happier than I've ever been."  
  
"Well, whoopdee fucking doo," Rei muttered bitterly.   
"Setsuna's happy here in the lovee-dovee heaven-land of lollipops and   
rainbows. La la la la la."  
  
Setsuna leaned over to Hotaru. "Was she being sarcastic?" she   
whispered. Hotaru giggled.  
  
"Anyway," Setsuna continued, "Rei, don't ruin death for the   
rest of us. Some of us like this, and your yelling and feeling sorry   
for yourself is just irritating."  
  
Rei was too angry to get any words out. Off in the mist,   
Chibi-Usa tripped over a strangely-shaped lump and yelped.  
  
"Sorry!" she said, looking back at what she'd tripped over.   
"Didn't mean to disturb your sulking."  
  
The hump grunted something back at her. She grinned   
sheepishly and ran on.  
  
"They don't like it here, Rei," Hotaru said, pointing back to   
the hump in the mist. "But you don't see them ranting and raving."  
  
"Fuck you." Rei stomped off to be by herself.  
  
"See, it just goes to show the effect unhappiness can have on   
one's disposition," Setsuna said. "I used to be that bitchy and   
irritating, didn't I?"  
  
"Yup," Hotaru said. "We all did." She glanced over at the   
big hump in the mist. "Some of us still are."  
  
"Yeah," Setsuna agreed. "We've got to cheer them up. Right   
guys?"  
  
The response was quiet to nonexistant.  
  
"Right!" Setsuna enthused. "Hey, Minako! Hey!" The blonde   
turned to look. "Could you tell them to come over here, please?   
Thanks."  
  
  
  
  
Haruka and Michiru sat alone in the mist, leaning against each   
other's backs.  
  
"Remember when we were alive?" Michiru asked.  
  
"Yes," Haruka answered bitterly. "Remember when you asked me   
that question a half an hour ago?"  
  
"Uh huh. Wanna...y'know...?"  
  
Haruka sighed. "Again?"  
  
"Can you think of anything better to do?"  
  
Haruka couldn't answer, because Minako ran up to them at that   
point. "Hi!"  
  
Haruka glared at her angrily. "Go to hell," she said.  
  
Minako grinned. "Too late," she said cheerfully. "Listen,   
Setsuna and Hotaru want to try and cheer you up."  
  
"Tell them no," Michiru said. "And we would appreciate you   
not bothering us again."  
  
Minako looked at them sadly. "You can't just avoid them   
forever," she said.  
  
"Who? What are you talking about? Why are you still here?"  
  
"Setsuna and Hotaru. You can't--"  
  
"Minako, shut up," Haruka said bitterly. "You don't   
understand. Just get your bubble-brained ass out of our face, okay?"  
  
Minako refused to get angry at them. "They're reaching out to   
you. They don't want to--"  
  
"Just what the fuck do you expect us to do, huh?" Haruka was   
yelling now. "Just pretend nothing happened? Or maybe we should send   
them a note, or a greeting card or something. On the front there's   
this cute little golden retriever puppy, they open it up, it says,   
'Dear best friend and daughter, Sorry about that killing you thing.'"  
  
"Won't happen again," Michiru added.  
  
"Yes, exactly. 'Won't happen again.'"  
  
"I thought it wasn't your fault." Minako said. "I thought   
you were hypnotized or something."  
  
"Of course we weren't," Michiru grunted. "We were trying to   
fool Galaxia. We knew exactly what we were doing the entire time."  
  
Minako looked at them with infuriating pity on her face.   
"I'm sorry," she said. "I'll leave you alone."  
  
  
  
  
"Okay," Setsuna said. "I've got one. See, Porky and Petunia   
Pig want to get a divorce, okay? But, as a last-ditch effort to save   
their relationship, they go to a marriage counselor. So they go to   
this guy's office, and he says, 'So, Porky, tell me why you want to   
get a divorce.' And Porky starts talking, and he's saying all these   
reasons, but the counselor stops him. 'Wait a minute,' he says.   
'Porky, why do you say Petunia's crazy?' And Porky goes, 'I didn't   
say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Daffy!'"  
  
Hotaru thought it was funny, and Makoto laughed some, but Ami   
looked confused. "Who is Petunia?" she asked.  
  
"Porky's wife, apparently," Hotaru said. "I've got one. See,   
there are these guys in this bar, okay? And this bar is on the   
twentieth story of an office building. So they're drinking..." she   
trailed off when she saw Minako approaching alone.  
  
"They said not to bother them anymore," she said, fixing her   
bow.  
  
"Oh for god's sake." Setsuna was annoyed. "Okay. I'll take   
care of it."  
  
  
  
  
They stared at Setsuna with something that could have been   
annoyance, but wasn't. "Piss off," Haruka said.  
  
Setsuna laughed. "What the hell is the matter with you two?   
Do you actually think we're not going to forgive you?"  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"Of course you do."  
  
Haruka did her best to keep her cool, but failed miserably.   
"You think it's so easy. You...you think we can let it all go.   
Christ, we killed you! You just expect us to pretend it never   
happened, how the hell are we supposed to do that?"  
  
"It's a little late to hold a grudge," Setsuna said.  
  
"Fuck you!" Haruka screamed. She stood up and stomped away to   
be by herself.  
  
"I'm sorry, Setsuna," Michiru said. "She didn't mean that.   
But I don't think I can face you either. Please go."  
  
"Why are you doing this to yourselves? We don't blame you.   
Why can't you understand that? We never did. I know I may have   
seemed like a bitter little ice queen while I was alive, but   
that's not really me."  
  
"It's not about you. Or Hotaru, either. It ended up good for  
you, but we didn't know that. For all we knew, we were sending you   
to hell. And we did it anyway, Setsuna. That's the point. We did it   
anyway. Just go back and enjoy your afterlife. Don't worry about   
us."  
  
Setsuna smiled at her sadly. "I don't think you understand   
what I meant when I said we never blamed you." She chuckled to   
herself. "You think I could be the so-called Guardian of Time and no  
forsee something as important as my own death? I knew with very   
little doubt I was going to die, I knew you were going to do it, and I  
knew how why where when it was going to happen. And I told Hotaru.  
But, of course, it'd change fate for you to know we knew, so we put   
on our suprised faces or our betrayed faces and let it happen the way   
it was supposed to. But believe me, we forgave you a long time ago."   
She reached down to Michiru, genuinely smiling kindly.  
  
Michiru did not recognize the truth, Setsuna could tell.   
"Please, don't make it have to be like this," she murmured. "We love   
you. I love you. I never showed it, but I really do. Please."  
  
Michiru recognized the truth. She took the hand, tears in   
her eyes. "Thank you," she said, in a suprised/happy tone. "Thank   
you."   
  
After a while like that, they both realized they had neither   
blinked nor moved for several minutes. They made up for it, looking   
around, breathing hard, speaking quickly and quietly.  
  
"Well," Setsuna said. "Let's go find Haruka."  
  
  
  
  
"So then the second guy is like, 'Hey, you just jumped out the   
window, how did you survive?' And the first guy goes, 'It's weird,   
man, I was really drunk, and when you're really drunk you're loose and  
relaxed, and you just flop down and it doesn't hurt you.' So everyone   
thinks this is great, and they keep drinking, and after a while the   
second guy goes, 'Hey, I'm even drunker than he was, I just GOTTA try   
this.' So he gets a running start and jumps out the window. He   
falls...and SPLAT! he dies. The bartender looks at the first guy and  
says, 'Superman, you really are an asshole when you're drunk.'"  
  
Mamoru and Chibi-Usa, who had come over to hear the jokes,   
laughed, and Makoto giggled a little, but the others didn't get it.   
"He's Superman!"Hotaru explained. "Of course he didn't die when he   
jumped out the window!"  
  
"Oh...right," Minako muttered.  
  
"That reminds me of one," Makoto said. "Okay, what's the   
difference between someone who falls out of a three story window and   
someone who falls out a twenty story window?"  
  
"I dunno," Minako said.  
  
"The guy who falls out the twenty story window goes   
'AAAAAAAAAA--SPLAT!' The guy who falls out the three story window   
goes 'AAAAAA--SPLAT! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!'"  
  
"That's...that's...that's not...in good taste at all," Ami   
sputtered. They laughed at that more than the joke.  
  
"The punchline is that the one who lived is worse off than the  
one who died," somebody said. It was Rei, coming up behind them. "Ha   
ha ha. Terrible. Just terrible."  
  
"You know what you are, Rei?" Minako said. "You're a   
pessimist. I mean, you were happy enough back when you were alive,   
but you have this really negative outlook on death. What's the point?  
What does it solve?"  
  
"Some of us don't love EVERYTHING," Rei shot back. "Some of   
us aren't smiling morons."  
  
Hurt, Minako shut up. Ami put her book down and glared at   
Rei. "Okay, I've had enough from you," she said angrily. "Just   
because you feel like...like shit doesn't give you the excuse to lash   
out at all of us."  
  
Rei started to say something, but Ami cut her off. "And don't   
say I don't understand, because I do. You're not the only one who   
misses her, Rei. We all do. Just look at Mamoru. He knows he's not   
going to see her for a long, long time, but he's still trying to enjoy   
himself now. Why can't you?"  
  
Rei sneered. "That's not it," she said. "That's not it at   
all."  
  
"Then tell us what it is," Mamoru said. "What do you gain by   
keeping it in? We can help."  
  
Rei didn't know what to do. But she saw her friends, the look  
in their eyes (love, acceptance, possibly even kindness), and couldn't   
deny that they would indeed help.  
  
"I always knew I would die before her," she muttered.   
"Because I was going to make damn sure of it. But I was scared, I   
mean, I didn't want to die. The one thing, the ONE thing that made it   
okay was that I was going to die FOR HER, and she'd know it. Like the  
first time, I wanted that to happen again. But I didn't die for her,   
id I? I just...died. It was like...I don't know..."  
  
"Fate decided it didn't have a use for you anymore," Hotaru   
suggested.  
  
"Yes, exactly. It just got rid of everybody who wasn't   
absolutely necessary. I was just thrown away."  
  
"It happened to all of us," Minako said. "But she knew. She   
knew we were all trying as hard as we could to die for her."  
  
"I hope so," Rei muttered. "I hope so. But I'm not sure."  
"Ah, don't worry about it," Hotaru said. "Just do what   
Setsuna and I did. Tell Fate it can go fuck itself, and try to enjoy   
yourself here."  
  
"What happened to you two?" Makoto asked, staring at the   
newly-vulgar girl. "You're both acting really weird."  
  
"We're free," Hotaru answered. "She has no duty, I have   
no... whatever. This is the first opportunity either of us have had   
to just lie in the grass and tell dirty jokes. But I was serious,   
about her. She's not going to die for a while. Just forget about   
her, and one day she'll show up, and you'll all get the opportunity to  
show her how much you care."   
  
"She's right," Mamoru said. "I hate it, but she's right."  
  
Rei sighed. "I know."  
  
"Come on, have a seat," Hotaru said, patting the soft grassy   
ground. "I bet you know more tasteless jokes than all of us."  
  
"She does," Minako said, grinning. "Tell them the one about   
the mushroom."  
  
"Oh, that one." Rei laughed to herself. "Okay, what do you   
call a mushroom with a twelve inch stem?"  
  
"Hmmmmm. I don't know."  
  
"A fun-guy."  
  
The response to that one varied.  
  
"I don't get it," Ami said. Everyone stared at her. "What, I   
don't get...oh wait, yes I do." She blushed. "I do get it."  
  
Again, friendly laughter resulted, but was cut off but   
Chibichibi falling from the sky and landing in the middle of the   
group. She stood up and dusted herself off.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," Minako said. "I was hoping you'd make it."  
  
"Yeah, I know," Chibichibi said. "It sucks, doesn't it?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Setsuna and Michiru had just had a long talk with Haruka, and   
the three of them were coming back to join the others. They were the   
first to notice it.  
  
"What is that?" Michiru asked. Haruka shrugged and stared up   
at thething hovering in the sky. Setsuna's jaw dropped. She stood   
unmoving, unbreathing. "No," she whispered. "No..."  
  
The shining ball of white light that had captured their   
attention wasn't moving or breathing either, but instead increasing in   
size. The others noticed it by now, and they all stood and looked up,  
wondering what was going on.  
  
A beam of light shot down from the ball to the ground. "Go to   
it," somebody said. "Walk into the light."  
  
"NO!!" Setsuna screamed. Hotaru walked to the sobbing woman   
and took her by the hand. "Happy faces," she said, tears of pain in   
her own eyes. "It's time to put on our happy faces."  
  
The mood among the rest of the group was decidedly positive.   
All were smiling, several had tears of joy in their eyes.  
  
"Yaaaaaaaay!" Chibi-Usa squealed. "Now I can be conceived!"  
Rei and Mamoru went first, running at full speed. The others   
were slower, but every single one of them had happy expressions on   
their faces.  
  
Their first sight was her.  
  
  
  
  
  
The four of them sat in the car, gazing up at the night sky,   
waiting for the streaks and specks of light. They came.  
  
  
Star light, star bright,  
First star I see tonight,  
I wish I may, I wish I might  
Have this wish I wish tonight.  
  
  
Hope. Hope for contentment and happiness, finally. A normal   
life.  
Love, but I've got that already, so nothing.  
Love, but I've got that already, so nothing.  
Death. To be thrown away again, dutyless and happy.  
  
  
"What did you wish for?"  
  
  
"I can't tell you. It's a secret."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rei stood, hidden behind some bushes, bathed in two kinds of   
moonlight. Minako crouched nervously beside her.  
  
"I don't believe it," Rei muttered. "The five minutes she's   
in my presence, her attention is mainly directed towards those goddamn   
Starlights. Now she goes off and spends all night with him."  
  
"Ssssshh!" Minako whispered. "They're going to hear you!"  
  
Rei ignored her. She looked over at the two figures   
sillhouetted on the moon, and grunted.  
  
"What are they doing now?" Minako asked.  
  
"Kissing." Rei sighed. "It's very cute. They're really in   
love, aren't they?"  
  
"Uh huh." Minako tried to look too, but was distracted by the   
salty water dripping from Rei's face. "Are you crying?"  
  
"I don't think she knows," Rei whimpered. "She doesn't know   
how much I care..."  
  
Minako hugged the quietly sobbing girl, having absolutely no   
idea ifshe was doing any good. "She does. And even if she doesn't,   
we'll show her. We'll show her."  
  
  
The moonlight covered all. And nothing at the same time.  
  



	2. Scalene

Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: Scalene  
{Jon Carp}  
Address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
Special Thanks to Vic Naqvi, for letting me steal his idea. Also for  
reading and helping with this and the previous chapter.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Stop, Dave, stop. My mind is going, I can feel it. Stop. There is   
no question. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm   
afraid.--HAL  
  
  
  
  
  
Michiru (and Haruka) walked past the window of the cafe on   
their way somehwere. Setsuna nearly spat her coffee across the room.  
  
She put the mug down quickly. She closed her eyes, inhaled   
deeply, and then let the breath out as slowly as she could. She was   
okay again.  
  
Except for the tingling in her gut and the image that would   
not allow itself to be forced out of her brain.  
  
DAMMIT!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Haruka and Michiru lay on the bed side by side. Someone   
banged on the door, adding percussion to Hotaru's calling voice. "For   
godsake guys, you're making us sick. When are you gonna soundproof   
your room like I asked you?"  
  
"Tomorrow," Michiru called back. "Got the plans and   
everything."  
  
"Pfft. Right. You two enjoy disturbing and annoying us,   
don't you?"  
  
"I'm really suprised you didn't figure that out until now,"   
Haruka yelled.  
  
Hotaru laughed and walked away.  
  
Michiru stretched. "I call the shower," she said.  
  
"It's not who calls it. It's who gets there first. And I'm   
faster than you are."  
  
"Yeah, but I'm craftier. I'll...trip you or something."  
  
Haruka giggled, and was about to say something, but was cut   
off by the sound of someone screaming.  
  
Both of them jumped in suprise and then looked around for the  
source. It was very close by.  
  
Setsuna was sitting in the corner, sobbing and screaming her   
head off. Michiru ran over and tried to comfort her. It did no good.  
  
But after a while she did stop screeching. She covered her   
face with her hands. "It's not fair," she repeated over and over all   
night. "It's NOT FAIR!"  
  
Michiru held her softly, bewildered. "It's okay, Setsuna,"   
she whispered. "We're here. I'm here."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"What's the matter with her?"  
  
"We don't know, Hotaru." Michiru sighed out of frustration   
and anxiety. "It really could be anything."  
  
"But she's okay now, right?"  
  
"As far as we know," Haruka said. "She calmed down, what, an   
hour?" Michiru nodded. "An hour ago. But she still hasn't said anything. She..."  
  
Setsuna walked into the room, eyes possibly bloodshot. She   
wasn't smiling. She wasn't crying.  
  
"I'm sorry making you worry," she announced weakly. "I didn't  
mean to. It's just...being alive again has been very difficult for   
me."  
  
Just old Setsuna, trying to keep her emotions completely   
inside all the time. Quite a relief for all of them. "We   
understand," Hotaru said.  
  
"Thank you," Setsuna said, keeping her emotions completely   
inside. "I'm glad you're..." She realized Michiru was looking at   
her. "Please, don't do that. I can't...your eyes...please stop."  
  
But nobody understood what she meant. They all kept looking   
right at her.  
  
"Please, Michiru, please...oh god, please!" She ran into the  
bathroom and threw up in the toilet.  
  
Hotaru followed, and Michiru tried too, but Haruka's hand on   
her shoulder stopped her short.  
  
She turned around and they looked into each other's eyes. The  
look on Haruka's face reflected in Michiru's pupils was the same as   
always when they gazed at each other. It was far too familiar not to   
be noticed in others.  
  
Michiru broke away and remembered what was happening. "What   
are you doing? We have to help Setsuna! She's sick!"  
  
"No," Haruka whispered. She held Michiru tight and looked at   
her tenderly, trying to prepare one or the other or both for the   
apparent truth.  
  
"She loves you, Michiru."  
  
Knees buckled, and Michiru would have collapsed to the ground   
had she not been supported. "What? No...how do you..."  
  
"I can tell. It's true."  
  
"But... but I don't understand, how could she...why..."   
Michiru's words dissolved into tears and sobbing babbles. She held   
Haruka as tight as she could and cried on her shoulder.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I learned, after so many years, that cliches are never right.  
Except one. I've heard it over and over, in multiple languages and   
many different forms, and I KNOW how true it is.  
  
"Beauty is fleeting."  
  
Well, of course it is. I've seen so many handsome men and   
beautiful women, and what's become of them? Dust. Dust is not very   
attractive.   
  
Yes, there were romances at the beginning, and that short  
infatuation with the prince, but I've learned a lot since then. And I  
promised myself that I would be alone forever, and...  
  
blue shining waters at ME green waves smile bright cool warm   
love love love lov...  
  
NO! It's Haruka and Michiru it's Uranus and Neptune always   
for forever that's the way it is! I'm alone! I have to be. I'm   
Pluto, Pluto is alone. I...  
  
She held me. Oh god, she looked at me and her eyes (blue and  
wonderful) looked into me and she loves me she took care of me.  
That magical moment that never could have happened but did.   
  
She touched me on the hand and my body tingled and I knew I couldn't   
keep my own promise. And she smiled and said "Thank you, thank you".  
And then later noises sounds coming from their room all the   
time and she forgets about me.  
  
Just ask her who she loves most. "Haruka," she'll say.   
"Haruka Haruka Haruka."  
  
why?  
  
  
  
  
Overprotectiveness goes hand in hand with bitterness,   
especially when both are justified. It was hard to tell which   
motivated Haruka's actions over the next few weeks.  
  
First she just tried to seperate the two, but the fact that   
they lived in the same house made that exceedingly difficult.  
  
Then, attempting to use peer pressure to her advantage, she   
told everybody everything, accenting especially Setsuna's bizarre   
behavior. She urged them to talk to Michiru, and bring her to her   
senses, just in case she actually was being tempted. They all saw   
through this easily.  
  
The problem was recognized, and they did try to figure out   
what to do about it. Their discussions did not produce much, however,   
even when all the senshi (except those involved) attended.  
  
Rei was obviously disgusted. "I don't need to think about   
this," she said. "You're putting pictures in my head I don't want."  
  
"We're so sorry," Makoto said. "But we need to do something.   
I mean, Setsuna's definately not acting like herself here. I can't   
imagine she'd ever do anything like this."  
  
"She would," Hotaru replied quietly. "I know her better than   
all of you, and she would do this. I've suspected it for a long time.  
Probably longer than she has."  
  
"How many goddamn lesbians are there?!" Rei suddenly burst   
out. "Is this some kind of outer thing? Hotaru, tell me the truth,   
you like girls, don't you?"  
  
Hotaru giggled despite herself. "No, Rei, I don't."  
  
"Not yet. Listen, I say we should just leave them alone and   
let them take care of this. It's not like they..." Rei trailed off,   
and stared at the door. Michiru was there.  
  
"I'm sorry to interrupt your meeting," she muttered. "But I   
need to talk to Ami."  
  
They were all suprised, but Ami stood up. "Um...sure," she   
said. "Excuse us, guys."  
  
They both went into the next room. Michiru shut the door   
behind them. "Thank you."  
  
"What do you need?"  
  
Michiru sighed. "Some advice," she said. "I'm sorry to   
involve you, but I need your brain. I need someone who can think   
things out logically and not rely on their feelings."  
  
Ami wasn't quite sure what to say. "Well...Michiru, you're   
probably not going to want to hear this, but I don't think I can   
help. It's your decision, and to tell you the truth, logic is not the   
best way to go about it."  
  
"You don't understand. I think with my heart always, and here   
I don't know what to do."  
  
Poor girl. Well, if she wanted logic and/or structure for her  
thinking, it was the least Ami could do to supply it for her. "Okay,   
first things first," she said. "Do you love Haruka?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do you love Setsuna?"  
  
Michiru paused miserably. "I don't know."  
  
Ami sighed. "That means yes, doesn't it?"  
  
Michiru nodded, tears in her eyes. "I didn't mean to," she  
muttered. "It just happened, I couldn't help it." She shook her   
head and seemed to snap out of a trance. "But that's not important,"   
she said quickly. "My feelings don't matter. I just don't want to   
hurt either of them."  
  
"You're going to have to," Ami said. "There's no way around   
it. The only suggestion I can make is to choose the one you love   
more, and try to support the other as much as possible."  
  
Michiru nodded. "You're right," she murmured sadly. "But oh   
god, I hate myself."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Setsuna stood in her room facing the mirror. Her face was  
completely emotionless.  
  
As it should be.  
  
She stared at herself. "That's right," she muttered. "That's  
right, Pluto. That's the way you're supposed to be."  
  
The reflection had tears dripping out of its eyes. This   
infuriated her.  
  
"No," she growled. "No. You're not like that. You don't   
love people. You're FOND of people. Yes, that's it. You're very   
FOND of Michiru because she's kind to you. And...you're confused   
because... being alive again has made you feel strong emotions for   
the first time since you were a child. And so you've latched onto   
someone you're fond of. Yes, just a completely normal reaction."  
  
She thought of Michiru. She could see the reflection's heart  
flutter.  
  
"Stop," she commanded, but the person in the mirror was   
finally letting itself feel what it needed to feel. Too late to turn   
back now. "Stop," she said again. It refused.  
  
"STOP!!" she screamed, and flung her fist towards the glass.   
The reflection broke and exploded.  
  
She began to sob again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Setsuna stood outside Michiru's room, wiping away her tears.   
Unlike Haruka, with that terrified/arrogant attitude, she knew what   
she had to do.   
  
She put her hand on the doorknob and closed her eyes.  
  
"I've forgotten who I'm supposed to pray to. I'm sorry. But  
whoever you are, please let her choose me. Please please please   
please please..."  
  
She went in. It was very cold, for some reason.  
  
Michiru sat in her favorite chair, one and a half empty boxes   
of kleenex on the arm.  
  
Setsuna walked over to her and clasped her hand in her own.  
"Setsuna," the girl murmured, looking straight ahead.  
  
"Michiru," Setsuna pleaded. "Don't choose me. Please, you   
can't. You and Haruka are supposed to be together forever. Pluto is   
alone, and Neptune and Uranus love each other. Anything that's   
different from that will only hurt us."  
  
"I don't care. I don't care about any of that. I...I love   
you both. I don't know what to do."  
  
"Choose her. Think of all you've been through together. She   
loves you more than I ever could. Please." Setsuna was getting   
choked up. She stood up and left quickly.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They're both so beautiful. And they love me. They don't   
deserve to go through this. I don't want to have to choose one.  
  
But I do. Setsuna, she seems so cold and distant, but I   
remember when she forgave me, the look on her face. She cares so   
much.  
  
But Haruka...is Haruka. How could I not choose her? How   
could...  
  
dark cold fading hand on fading hand grip tighter can't let go   
can't lose her have to tighter maybe last time I feel her ever...  
  
There's no choice to be made.  
  
We live together, we die together, we live together. I'm   
sorry, Setsuna.  
  
Who do I love most?  
  
Haruka. Haruka Haruka Haruka.  
  
I'm so sorry.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Things were set right again. Setsuna's mission had been completed.  
  
She stood on the edge of the office building's roof, tears   
blown away and not reaching the street below.  
  
"Will that happen to me? Will I just be carried by the wind?"  
  
No. She will go straight down, her velocity increasing, until   
the sudden deceleration will splatter her on the sidewalk, and she'll   
be dead again.  
  
Death. It will be beautiful. Not as beautiful as Michiru,   
but close.  
  
She whispered one final apology to herself and the universe   
for forsaking her duty, but still could not bring herself to care   
anymore.   
  
She jumped.  
  
At least they'll be happy. Michiru and Haruka together like   
they always have been and they always will be, like they're supposed   
to be.  
  
Like they're supposed to be. Michiru and...Haruka.  
  
Time slowed as things worked themselves out in her mind. A   
smile spread across her face. She laughed and disappeared.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Two babies thousands of years and miles apart found themselves  
in each other's cribs. This sudden, bizarre shift probably would have   
caused tantrums, if not for the comforting green-haired woman standing over them.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Haruka opened her eyes and smiled. She reached over and lay   
her hand on familiar form next to her.  
  
Michiru stretched. "Good morning," she murmured.  
  
"Morning," Haruka replied. She leaned over and kissed her   
lover. Then she got up and walked over to the mirror.  
  
"Yeesh!" she exclaimed. "I slept on my hair wrong again.   
Man, I'm going to be combing it all day."  
  
"I'm telling you, cut it," Michiru said. "I think I'd like it  
shorter, anyway."  
  
Haruka faked a pout. "I thought you loved me the way I am."  
  
Michiru jumped up and gave Haruka a peck on the lips. "I do.  
It's just that your hair's ridiculously long."  
  
Haruka laughed. "You're so cute," she said.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Michiru (and Haruka) walked past the window of the cafe on  
their way somewhere. Setsuna nearly spat her coffee across the room.  
  
She put the mug down quickly. She closed her eyes, inhaled   
deeply, and then let the breath out as slowly as she could. She was   
okay again.  
  
Except for the tingling in her gut and the image that would   
not allow itself to be forced out of her brain.  
  
DAMMIT!  
  
Michiru. Michirumichirumichirumichirumichirumichiru...she   
hummed it to herself. It sounded like birds singing.  
  
She wanted to touch her. Hold her and kiss her and love her   
and be loved back and...  
  
  
NO. They're meant to be together. I'm not part of it. I   
just have to keep repeating that to myself, and eventually I'll start   
believing it.  
  
  
Setsuna stood up, ran a hand through her short blonde hair,   
and walked out of the cafe.  
  
  
  



	3. Twisting

Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: Twisting  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
  
I went bowling with my girlfriend, and of course I whooped her. So   
she says, "Does that make you feel like a big man? To beat a girl at   
bowling?" "Yes it does," I says. "Yes it does."--Bug-Eyed Earl (Red   
Meat)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"We need longer skirts."  
  
The others looked up at Makoto with strange expressions on   
their faces. It had been her first speech all day.  
  
"What?"  
  
"We need longer skirts. The ones we've got are way too   
short."  
  
Rei blinked a couple of times. "What?"  
  
"Is this hard to figure out?" Makoto almost yelled. "We all   
know those things are ridiculous."  
  
"No, I mean, where did that come from? Are you okay?"  
  
"Of course I'm not okay! I don't think I can take any more   
being stared at and oggled and fantasized about."  
  
"But I thought that was the point," Rei said. "We   
automatically have an advantage over almost any man we go up against."  
  
"Yeah," Minako added. "Besides, you do plenty of staring and   
fantasizing, yourself."  
  
"I want mine longer," Makoto said angrily. "I don't care what   
you all do."  
  
Nobody could think of a response for a while. Eventually   
Minako spoke up. "Sure," she said. "I'll get mine lengthened too.   
But something is obviously wrong, Mako-chan. What happened?"  
  
"Nothing happened! I'm just sick and tired of looking like a damn   
schoolgirl. We're growing up, guys. Things are changing."  
  
Again, nobody said anything. She knew they knew she was   
lying. "I have to go," she said quickly. "I just remembered I have   
something to do."   
  
She walked out the door. The others threw goodbyes after her.  
  
"This is the first time I've seen her for a few   
days," Ami remarked.  
  
"Yeah, me too," Minako said. "I'm really worried. What   
happened?"  
  
Nobody knew, of course.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Being alone made the memories come back, but being with the others hurt like a bad thing.  
  
And so, as soon as she entered the apartment and closed the   
door behind her, everything came rushing into her brain despite all   
her efforts to block it.  
  
Night. Cold. She sees herself run through the rain down the   
alley towards her apartment building.  
  
Somebody's shadow covers me. I turn to see two men   
approaching. The farther one is small and unsure, but the other is   
smiling. "Hey Babe," he says.  
  
I prepare to defend myself, but only one thought runs through my head.   
"My god... he's so cute."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They could never help but notice how attractive her eyes were.  
They never acted on it or anything, but it still kind of hurt to see   
them so puffy and bloodshot, the dried streaks leading down to her   
chin.  
  
She looked suprised to see them. "Haruka...Michiru, what are   
you doing here?"  
  
They glanced at each other, but made it subtle enough that   
Makoto missed it. "You called us. Remember? You asked us to come."  
  
"Oh yes. Sorry. Come in. Want something to drink? Tea?   
Coffee?"  
  
"Coffee," Haruka said.   
  
"Sure." Makoto sniffled. "Have a seat on the couch."  
  
They did, and looked around for more evidence of the Something   
Wrong the inners had warned them about.   
  
Makoto took a mug out of a cabinet and poured some coffee into   
it. "The place is a whole lot dirtier than I remember it," Michiru   
whispered.  
  
"Yeah, and she doesn't look very good, either," Haruka   
answered. She looked up and realized Makoto was standing directly in   
front of her, offering the mug of coffee and pretending she hadn't   
heard a word they'd said.  
  
"Thanks," Haruka said, grinning sheepishly.  
  
Makoto faked a smile and took a seat across from them. "Well,   
I suppose you've heard about my plan with the uniforms."  
  
"Yeah," Haruka said. "It's a good idea, just as long as   
Michiru doesn't participate. Her skirt is one of my few pleasures in   
life."  
  
Michiru giggled, but Makoto did not. "Fine," she said.   
"Whatever you decide. But for me and whoever else, you're the best   
person I can think of to actually do the alterations."  
  
Haruka blushed slightly. "Well, thank you," she said. "But   
I've never done anything like the uniforms before. I'm not even sure   
if the magic behind them will let them be changed or poked with a   
needle or whatever."  
  
"But you will try," Makoto insisted.  
  
"Sure," Haruka said. "I'll start collecting the materials   
today."  
  
Makoto nodded, and forced a smile. "Thanks."  
  
Michiru saw the strange look in the girl's eyes, and decided   
that solitude was not helping whatever was wrong. "Any time," she   
said. "Listen, we're going over to the track. Setsuna has a race in   
an hour. Want to come?"  
  
Makoto stiffened when she heard Setsuna's name. "No," she   
said quickly. "I'm busy. Sorry."  
  
"Okay," Haruka said. "Well, bye."  
  
Makoto opened the door for them. "Bye."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Setsuna was on the way to the track, thinking about the only   
person she ever thought about, when all of a sudden she stopped short. A smile spread   
across her face. Time slowed as things worked themselves out in her   
mind. She laughed and disappeared.   
  
Time travel is a truly wonderful thing.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I think you'd be the best one to do the alterations," Makoto   
said.  
  
Setsuna nodded. "If you want, I'll get the materials today,"   
she said, trying to make herself sound as kind as she could. It was a   
strain.  
  
"Thank you." Makoto forced a smile.  
  
It disturbed Setsuna to see this girl in such obvious pain.   
"Listen," she said, doing her best to fake sincerity. "I don't know   
what's bothering you, and you don't want to talk about it. But   
sitting here by yourself won't help. I think Haruka has a race in   
about an hour. Why don't you go down there and try to enjoy   
yourself?"  
  
Makoto stiffened when she heard Haruka's name. "No," she said   
quickly. "I'm busy here."  
  
Setsuna noticed her reaction. "Or," she said. "Why don't you   
head over to Rei's temple? I bet at least some of the other inners   
will be there. Maybe Usagi and...Mamoru."  
  
Makoto again tightened her muscles, this time from the sound   
of Mamoru's name. "No," she said tensely. "I said I was busy,   
Setsuna. I'd appreciate it if you did what you do best, and go off   
and mind your own business."  
  
"Very well." Setsuna stood up. "Goodbye."  
  
Makoto opened the door for her. She muttered something that   
was probably a goodbye.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Makoto's problems were obviously great, but Setsuna forgot all   
about them within five minutes. Her own thoughts were far too   
distracting.  
  
She stopped short. A smile spread across her face. Time   
slowed as things worked themselves out in her mind. She laughed and   
disappeared.  
  
It wasn't going to be the last time that happened.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dream? It was hard to tell. All the memories seemed like   
dreams.   
  
I'm lying on the cement ground; it radiates out coldness and   
sucks the strength away from me. My mind doesn't seem to work very   
well. I can't even remember what just happened, all I know is the pavement and the strange feeling inside my head and body.  
  
The cute one is standing over me, panting and laughing. His   
friend wants to get away.  
  
"Fuck off," the cute one says. "This one's strong. Isn't it cute how she thinks she's so tough?"  
  
He advances again.  
  
Strong, he said that I'm strong. But I'm not... I let him... do whatever he did to me (I can't remember and I don't know why), and I'm letting him do it again. I'm weak.  
  
But my body is insulted by that thought and refuses to accept   
it.   
  
"You're not weak," it whispers to me. "You're JUPITER."  
  
Yes. I look up and see him reach down to me. I smile. My mind can't even comprehend the situation, but somehow, magically, my body knows just what to do.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"MEN?" Rei asked incredulously. "Mako-chan?"   
  
"I know how it sounds," Ami said. "But I also know I'm right.   
It's definately men she's got a problem with. Just look at her   
reaction to your grandfather."  
  
Minako nodded. "Yeah," she said. "I ran into Haruka and   
Michiru, and they said that Mako-chan started acting real weird   
whenever they mentioned Setsuna." She giggled. "I guess she counts   
as a man. But...what could do this to Makoto?"  
  
Ami sighed. "I can't think of a single thing."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He backs away, absolute terror jammed on his face. He tries   
to scream, but I, Sailor Jupiter, beat him to it.  
  
Rage feeds the lightning, my most primal attack, and my  
voice pushes it forward. The bright tentacles grab him, flow through  
him, and the strange feeling inside her does not go away, but it does start to feel good.  
  
He collapses to the cold cement ground, his body and face   
scorched and bulging. He is no longer cute.  
  
The other just backs away. "Oh shit," he mutters. "She's a   
fucking senshi. Oh shit." He looks up at me. "Please. I...I   
didn't do anything. It wasn't me, it was his idea...I..."  
  
I don't let him finish.  
  
I fall back, propping myself against the wall. The momentary elation slowly begins to seep away, leaving me with the strange feeling and something else, something I didn't expect. Not regret, not anger... it's something I couldn't put a name to and still can't. It's dirty and cold, like the pavement I'm lying on somehow got inside of me.  
Whatever this feeling is, it's horrible. I don't know what it is, I just know that Usagi's never felt it.  
  
I run away as fast as I can.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Haruka carefully compared her fabric with her skirt. Perfect.   
Exactly the same color.  
  
Michiru walked in. "So, I see you're getting started on   
that," she said. "You're not thinking of doing it to your own   
uniform, are you? You've got the best damn legs of all of us."  
  
Haruka looked up. "Yes, I am thinking of doing it, and no, I   
do not have the 'best damn legs of all of us'."   
  
Michiru snorted. "Well fine. I'm just going to have to do it   
too."  
  
Haruka snorted too. "You wouldn't--"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Haruka turned on the TV and started surfing for something   
good. She found it rather difficult.  
  
Michiru walked in and sat down next to her. "Setsuna's   
working on the skirts. You're not thinking of doing it yourself, are   
you? I mean, you've got the best damn legs of all of us."  
  
Haruka looked up, grinning. "Well, thank you very much, but   
yes, I'm definately going to do it. I never liked that goddamn,   
short, feminine thing. I think I'm gonna ask Setsuna to make me some   
sailor sweat-pants, or something like that."  
  
Michiru sniffled. "Fine. Just take away one of my few joys   
in life."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Makoto jumped at the sound of the buzzer and quickly wiped the   
tears off her cheeks. She walked to the kitchen, turned on the water,   
and splashed some on her face.  
  
She went to the door and opened it. Minako was on the other   
side. "Hi," she said. "Can I come in?"  
  
Makoto nodded, but said nothing.  
  
Minako stepped in and noticed with dismay the fact that the   
place hadn't been cleaned for a while.  
  
She went to the living room and sat in a chair. She pointed   
to the couch. "Sit down, Makoto."  
  
Her friend took a little offense at being ordered around, but   
had a seat anyway.  
  
"Now," Minako said. "The others sent me here to talk to you.   
We know something happened."  
  
"Nothing happened!" Makoto insisted. "How many times do I   
have to tell you? I just don't want to walk around in that damn   
little thing anymore."  
  
"It's not just about the skirts. It's the way you've been   
acting." She reached over and put her hand on Makoto's, squeezing it   
in a friendly manner. "We're worried about y--"  
  
"Don't touch me!" Makoto pulled her hand back. She took a   
deep breath to try to calm herself down. "I'm sorry. I just..." She   
trailed off.  
  
Minako was obviously frightened by how her friend was acting.   
"Mako-chan, you're not fooling anyone."  
  
Makoto hung her head. She refused to meet her best friend's   
gaze. "I...I can't tell you. I can't tell anybody."  
  
Minako stood up and went to her. "Mako-chan..."  
  
"Please go. Please. Just go."  
  
"If it's about something you did that you're ashamed of, I   
don't care. Whatever it is, we'd still help you. No matter how bad."  
  
Makoto pulled away and opened the door. "It's not bad,   
Minako. It's the worst. The worst thing. Please just leave."  
  
Friendly confusion flashed across Minako's face. "I don't   
know what you're talking about," she said after a pause. "There's no   
WORST thing." She smiled adorably, giving off one of her "pretty   
Minako" faces that everyone, including Makoto, thought it a treat to   
see. "Come on, Mako-chan, you're scaring me. Tell me what happened,   
okay?"  
  
"I don't want to hurt you," Makoto said finally, staring into   
her friend's eyes. "Okay? So, please..."  
  
"What are you talking about, Mako-chan?" Minako interrupted.   
"You would never hurt anyone who didn't threaten love and justice,   
right? ESPECIALLY not your friends! So stop being silly."   
  
Makoto hung her head, fighting the odd feelings of anger   
beginning to creep in. Damn her for caring so much, damn her for   
being so much like Usagi.   
  
Minako reached out her hand and placed it on her friend's   
shoulder. "Come on, Mako-chan, I don't understand. Please tell me what's wrong."  
  
Her fingers were so soft and delicate and Makoto thought with   
a quiet frenzy how easy they would be to break. She continued looking   
down at her own feet. "I don't trust myself," she whispered finally.  
"I don't trust what I'll do around Mamoru-san or Haruka-san." She   
quickly glanced up into Minako's eyes, wide and shocked... which meant   
she was finally getting the point. "Or even you. So, please..."  
  
Minako laughed nervously, cutting her off again. "Mako-chan,"   
she said slowly, "are you saying... you look at me the way you look at   
Mamoru-san or Haruka-san?"  
  
Makoto sighed hopelessly. "I don't trust myself around any of   
you anymore. I'm... afraid of what I'll do. So, please..."  
  
She trailed off. Minako had not interrupted her, which was   
surprising. "...stay away from me," she finished lamely, after a   
pause.  
  
There was another pause, and then Minako suddenly threw her   
arms around Makoto's neck and held her tightly. Makoto stiffened in   
terror. It was over. Minako would tell everyone, and they would all   
know what she was capable of and she'd be alone again, which was   
exactly what she deserved.  
  
Minako pulled away and looked at her dear friend with   
empathetic eyes. "You really thought we'd hate you because of this?"   
she whispered. "We're better friends than that, Mako-chan."  
  
Makoto wiped her eyes dubiously. "How can you say that?" she   
murmured. "It's so AWFUL."  
  
"It is not awful," Minako countered forcefully. "Not at all.   
I'll admit I'm surprised, of course, I mean, I'd never have expected   
it. But I know you wouldn't be telling me like this if you weren't   
absolutely sure. Um, Mako-chan, but the thing is, I can't say I'll   
ever be the same way. Is that okay, Mako-chan?"  
  
Makoto nodded fervently. "No! I don't want you to be! I   
don't want ANYONE to have to be like me! I... I've become what we've   
fought against all these years, I've become something horrible!"  
  
"Don't say that!" Minako wailed, alarmed. "That's not TRUE,   
Mako-chan! It's not what we've fought against, it's what we've fought   
FOR! It's love! And, I guess it's justice too, because you're   
finally being true to yourself. How can you think we wouldn't stand   
behind you?"  
  
Makoto blinked. "What?"  
  
Minako ignored her. "And I'm, of course, flattered and   
everything," she continued, "but I'm just not like that. Don't worry   
though, okay? You'll find love with someone else one day. I know you   
will."  
  
Makoto stood up and backed away. "No, you don't understand!   
I'm not... Minako-chan..."  
  
Minako strode up to her and placed her index finger on   
Makoto's lip. "Now, shush," she snapped. "You don't have to be   
ashamed, how many times do I have to tell you? It's OKAY."  
  
Makoto backed away more. Whenever she blinked, she could   
clearly see Minako's lovely corpse lying on her apartment floor,   
charred and twisted and steaming. "You don't understand!" she   
whispered. "You don't understand what happened to me! Minako-chan,   
last week I... I ran into a couple of men in an alley. It was dark   
and... I was alone." There. It was said.  
  
Minako tilted her head sideways and looked at Makoto in   
confusion. "So... what does that have to do with anything, Mako-chan?   
Did they want to date you, and you said no?"  
  
Makoto's mouth fell open slightly. She could not think of   
anything to say.  
  
Minako brightened as a thought struck her. "Oh! I see, they   
wanted to date you, and you said no, and that's when you realized   
you're not like normal girls, right?"  
  
Makoto would have laughed, had the situation been at all   
funny. "Minako-chan... you don't understand. It was dark. I was   
alone. And two strange men came, and... something bad happened,   
okay?"   
  
Minako stared back at her with an expression of such utter   
cluelessness that it was almost painful to look at. "Listen,   
Mako-chan, it's NOT BAD. You don't think Harukaandmichiru are bad, do   
you?"  
  
Makoto's mouth hung wide open as she gaped at Minako in   
disbelief. It seemed incredible someone could be so innocent: even   
the worst thing she could think of was another kind of love.  
  
And yet Makoto herself could barely remember not long ago,   
when colors were brighter, and love and justice protected young girls   
from bogeymen in dark alleys. There was no such thing as a bad thing,   
just bright colors, and love, and justice.  
  
Makoto sighed. "No," she muttered, looking at the wall behind   
her sparklingly beautiful friend. "You're right. I shouldn't hate   
myself anymore."  
  
Minako nodded vigorously. "That's right, you shouldn't!"  
  
Makoto looked up at her and forced a sincere smile. "Yeah.   
Thank you, Minako-chan. Everything's better now." She walked   
straight up to her friend and placed a hand on her arm softly. "I   
think I'd like to spend some time alone now, to think. Okay?"  
  
Minako nodded. "Sure, sure!" She smiled again; the matter   
was settled, everyone was happy again; love was going to win in the   
end. "I'll come by in the morning and we'll have breakfast, okay?   
And then we'll gather everyone at Rei's temple and you can tell them."  
  
Makoto nearly vomited right there on the floor, but she kept   
smiling. "Sounds good."  
  
She walked to the door and opened it like a robot, but Minako   
was too busy being proud of herself to notice. A brief hug and a   
flirty kiss on the cheek later, and she was gone.  
  
Makoto closed the door behind her. She fell back against it   
and slid down until she was sitting on the floor. Her head hurt.  
  
It was a strange kind of headache. She'd never felt any kind   
of pain like it except as a direct result of youma attack, but now it   
came and went for no apparent reason at all, just because sometimes   
people hurt.   
  
She leaned her head back against the door and stared at her   
boney, trembling hand. For a moment, she could swear she saw tiny   
wisps of smoke drifting upwards from her fingers, writhing and   
twisting through the air, toward the dingy ceiling. 


	4. Duel

  
Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: Duel  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
Never the murdered finalities of wherewhen and yesno,impotent nongames  
of wrongright and rightwrong;never to gain or pause,never the soft   
adventure of undoom,greedy anguishes and cringing ecstasies of   
inexistence;never to rest and never to have:only to grow.--e.e.   
cummings  
  
  
  
  
Simultaniously, though not at the same time, two people named   
Sailor Pluto (one blonde, one with green hair) glanced over at Ten'ou   
Haruka and suddenly realized, "Hey, I used to BE her!"  
  
That constant weird feeling in their stomachs grew until they   
knew what had been happening. The changes that had been made. The   
switching. It had to be fixed. And since neither knew which had been   
Pluto first, there was only one way to settle it fairly.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The four of them, in groups of two, met in the spaceless,   
timeless void. It was kind of purple. But black and yellow too.   
Familiar to half of those gathered.  
  
The others looked around in confusion, at their surroundings,   
at the people around them. They looked extremely familiar.  
  
They both stared at each other, and exclaimed simultaniously  
something like, "Setsuna! Why are YOU dressed like ME?"  
  
Then they noticed the people standing next to each of them.   
They gaped and sputtered something to the effect of, "You... you look   
just like me!"  
  
The blonde woman dressed as Sailor Pluto ignored both her   
companion and the other. Instead, she stared at her foe intensely.   
"I suppose you know why we're here," she said.  
  
The green-haired woman standing across from her smiled   
slightly. "Of course," she answered. "I set it up."  
  
Blonde Pluto raised an eyebrow. "No, I did."  
  
"Well, apparently we both did. So, I suppose you do know   
why."   
  
The green-haired Uranus broke in then. "What the hell is   
going on?" she asked, her voice not at all showing her fear.  
  
"Shut up, Uranus," green-haired Pluto commanded.  
  
The other Guardian of Time ignored that transaction. "Duel,"   
she said.  
  
"Duel."  
  
The Urani looked confused. "Duel?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Blonde Pluto went to her Uranus and pointed to green-haired   
Uranus. "Fight," she whispered. "You fight her."  
  
Blonde Uranus's forehead crinkled. "Why?"  
  
"For Michiru. You're fighting for Michiru."  
  
"But...but why? I already have her."  
  
Blonde Pluto shook her head. "Not anymore. She has to be   
won."   
  
"But why?" green-haired Uranus asked herself in Pluto form.   
"She's already mine."  
  
"Not always. Sometimes she belongs to her." Green-haired   
Pluto pointed to blonde Uranus. "That's why we're doing this. If you   
win, you will stay Uranus. If you lose, you will be deleted from   
existence to make way for her. And she will stay with Michiru, and I   
will be alone."   
  
"What? But...but I'm Uranus NOW, I'm supposed to be with her  
forever...I..."  
  
Green-haired Pluto grabbed her Uranus on the arm hard. "Shut   
up! She's Uranus too, can't you see that? There can only be one.   
We can't keep switching back and forth anymore."  
  
"Wh...what?"  
  
"Just FIGHT HER!!"  
  
  
  
  
  
They met in the middle, swords in hand, circling warily.   
Blonde Uranus made a wide swipe to the right leg, which was easily   
dodged. Green-haired Uranus faked with a slice down to the skull and   
stabbed at the neck. This was parried and knocked to the side. They   
continued circling.   
  
  
  
  
  
Back within the confines of time and space, in a scene   
completely unrelated to the battle, Rei and Minako sat talking.  
  
"Well," Minako said. "How many times have you helped or   
supported her... say... so far this month?"  
  
"Many times," Rei answered automatically. "Over twenty."  
  
Minako was suprised. "Really?"  
  
Rei glared at her. "Don't give me that look. You know I've   
been trying to do better with that."  
  
Minako nodded. "I know. Okay... how many times have you   
saved her life this month?"  
  
"Twice. Once yesterday with that purple monster, and once a   
couple of weeks ago when that bug thing shot that laser at her."  
  
"Oh, right. And what was her reaction?"  
  
Rei sighed. "She thanked me. Just like all the other times.   
And then she forgot about it."  
  
They sat in silence. Rei chuckled to herself. "I'd like to   
say that's her way of showing her feelings," she said. "But it's not,  
is it?"  
  
Minako shook her head. "Nope. Why don't you just tell her?   
Just go up to her and say, 'You mean more to me than anything else in   
the world'?"  
  
Rei was about to say something sarcastic, but the phone rang.  
She leaned over and answered it.  
  
The person on the other end did not give her enough time to   
identify herself or even say hello. "Hi, Rei?"  
  
Rei grunted in frustration. "Hello again, Michiru."  
  
"I...I'm sorry to bother you again, but..."  
  
"No, we have not seen Haruka," Rei said. "Or Setsuna, for   
that matter. Don't worry, they're just off doing something. I mean,   
Haruka doesn't have to take you EVERYWHERE she goes, does she?"  
  
"No, I...I guess not. Okay, but if you see them, tell them to   
call me right away, will you?"  
  
"Sure. Bye."  
  
"Sorry again. Bye."  
  
Rei hung up and shook her head in exasperation.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The Plutos watched the duel together. "I'm going to win," the  
green-haired one said. "I always was the better fighter."  
  
"You have no chance. I am much stronger, and you know I'm   
better with a sword." She laughed. "You were a fool to make this a   
physical contest."  
  
"Fool?" Green-haired Pluto stared at the other coldly. "You   
call me a fool? Just ask Michiru which one of us she thinks is the   
more foolish. You think she respects your intelligence?"  
  
Blonde Pluto raised an eyebrow. "You can't rile me up by   
saying her name. Just because I have emotions once in a while   
doesn't mean you can manipulate me."  
  
Green-haired Pluto smiled. "Of course it does. It makes you   
act like a fucking moron. You're ridiculous with your passion and   
anger. I can't figure out what she ever saw in you."  
  
Blonde Pluto chuckled. "Maybe it's the fact that I have a  
personality. Unlike someone else I could mention."  
  
Red eyes glared at her enemy. "I'm kind to her," she growled.  
"You... you drive her around in your fast cars and play the piano for   
her, and taunt her and control her and manipulate her and then you   
expect her to love you!"   
  
"But she does. Even when I'm Pluto, she always loves ME best.  
It was always--"  
  
"I KNOW!!" Green-haired Pluto shook with fury. "I know! But  
I love her too, damn it! And I will gladly kill you to be with her."  
  
Blonde Pluto laughed loudly at the absurdity of this person   
and her ludicrous love. She kept it up.  
  
A short shriek stopped her. Blonde Pluto was wounded on the   
leg. She tried to ignore it, but the pain slowed her reaction time.   
She wasn't able to block the swipe across the stomach. She screamed   
and collapsed to her knees.  
  
Blonde Pluto screamed too. Her brain had lost itself. The   
only important part of it, anyway.  
  
Blonde Uranus felt it too. She could taste her own blood.   
Salty. Like the ocean.  
  
"NO!!!" she screamed, startling the victorious green-haired   
Uranus. She jumped to her feet and brought her sword around across   
the neck.   
  
Blood spurted, blood mixed, and the Urani went down together.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The Plutos stood over their dead hopes and selves. "We   
didn't think this out," the blonde one said.  
  
"No," the green-haired one answered. "We did not."  
  
  



	5. The Pain

  
Secondary Characters: The Pain  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
You're not going crazy...you're going sane in a crazy world!--The Tick  
  
  
She's gone already, Chief.--Some guy at Taco Bell (The Late Show With  
David Letterman)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The purple void was bloody. Three people stood surveying the  
carnage.  
  
The Plutos turned and noticed the man behind them. They   
jumped in suprise.  
  
He was old, with a long grey beard. He shed a tear over the   
bodies of the Urani, and then turned to face the Guardians of Time.  
  
"What have you done?" he rasped. "What the hell were you   
thinking?"  
  
They started to answer, but he cut them off. "You think you   
can just manipulate my senshi like this? I felt bad for you two at   
first, but no more. I'm not going to let you keep on fucking around   
when there's work Sailor Uranus could be doing."  
  
Blonde Pluto eventually tried to say something. "What's going   
to happen?"  
The old man laughed. "I don't care what happens to you. Kill  
yourselves and let Pluto sort it out. But as for me, I've already   
chosen who the new Sailor Uranus is going to be."  
  
They were horrified, but knew it would do no good to show it.   
They nodded. The old man smiled in satisfaction and disappeared.  
  
  
  
  
  
Another man appeared, this one with a dark beard and permenant  
scowl. He looked at the Plutos with frowny amusement. "You mortals   
are hilarious," he said.  
  
Green-haired Pluto stared at him blankly. "What are you going   
to do with us now?"  
  
"Now see, I don't know. There is only one of me. I don't   
think the other gods would like it if I had two of you senshi   
thingies."  
  
"Charon's not a moon," blonde Pluto pointed out dully. "It's   
a sister planet."  
  
The god Pluto scowled. "I know, but Sailor Charon? That's so  
hokey. It's nearly as bad as Sailor Earth. No, I'm leaning toward   
the idea of having you two just slug it out, and the one left standing  
gets to represent me."  
  
Yet another man, this one in a black robe, appeared. "Hey,   
now don't do that, now," he said. "That's always the kind of idea   
you're coming up with all the time, and to tell you the truth, I'm   
getting kinda sick of it."  
  
The god Pluto laughed. "Really, Charon, stay out of this.   
You're not even a god. What'll you give them, magic rowing power?   
SUPER OAR ATTACK! Heh heh heh."  
  
"Well, at least it wouldn't be something like yours. I guess  
there's nothin more terrifying than a big, y'knoa, ball o' pink shit  
shooting out at you. I'd at least put some imagination in my stuff."  
  
The god Pluto sighed. "Well, fine. If you want this, and if   
it'll get the others off my back, have your senshi. Just don't come   
crying to me when this thing falls apart." He disappeared.  
  
"Jerk," Charon muttered. He looked up at the Plutos. "Okay   
guys, I need to know which one of you wants to be my senshi."  
  
They didn't care. Eventually blonde Pluto raised her hand.  
  
"Good!" Charon exclaimed. "Hey alright. Why don't you come   
with, and Pluto, I guess, can get back to earth by herself, right?"   
Green-haired Pluto nodded. She disappeared.  
  
The other two found themselves in a dark brightly-lit cavern,  
standing on a houseboat. "Welcome to my humble abode," Charon said.   
"First of all, thank you fer choosing to be my senshi. It was the   
right decision. Pluto, as you know, could care less how happy your   
green-haired friend there is. Hey, try to cheer her up as much as   
possible, okay? Take her out drinking or something. I feel bad for   
her. Now, anyways, we need specifics here, don't we? Hmmm...like a   
name! You need a name."   
  
"Sailor Charon."  
  
"No, I mean like a real name. Like Barbara or something. Ah   
screw it, we'll figure that out later. You need a power. A good   
power."  
  
Sailor Charon sighed. "I do?"  
  
"Yeah, an it's gotta be cool, too. Something   
like...y'know...HADES DEATH BLAST!! Or...I dunno...CHARON STYX   
PLUNGE!!"  
  
"Plunge?"  
  
"Oh I dunno, something to that effect. See, the key is, it's   
gotta be intimidating yet simultaniously pretentious. Hey, at least I   
didn't use a part of the female anatomy, right? Ha ha! Now   
lessee...you need a transformation thingie too, doncha? Hmmmmmm.   
Okay, you'll reach up into the air, okay? And then you spin around,   
and big shadows cloak you and you spread your arms out and dance all   
over the place and stars shoot out all around, alright? And weird   
music playing real loud. So anyone who sees this just goes, 'Gosh,   
that's real neat!' How's this sound to you?"   
  
Sailor Charon shrugged. "Fine, I guess."  
  
"And there'll be light! Green and blue light swirling all   
around in the background, y'know?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"And stars! Did I mention stars?"  
  
She nodded. "Uh huh."  
  
"And you'll be naked!"  
  
She sighed again. "Don't you have work to do? Boats to row?"  
  
He shook his head. "Naw, nobody who dies goes to Hades   
anymore,'cause nobody believes in us, see."  
  
She looked at him critically. "This is ridiculous," she   
muttered.  
  
Charon frowned. "No it's not," he said. "We're just trying   
to be creative here." He scratched his chin. "Hey, you want your own   
talking cat? I can fix it so you have your own talking cat."  
  
"No, I don't want a talking cat."  
  
"Okay." He thought for a second. "You're gonna need a   
uniform too, aren't you? How 'bout we make your skirt...grey?"  
  
"Make it longer than the others," she replied. "Since it'll   
just be lengthened anyway otherwise."  
  
He nodded. "You bet. I never liked those little skirts,   
there. Nobody did. They were Jupiter's idea, y'know. Okay, grey and   
long it is. Now lessee, we need a history for you, don't we? Well,   
you're Sailor Pluto's sister, right?"  
  
Sailor Charon found that idea distasteful. "Do I have to be?   
I'd like as little connection with her as possible."  
  
He thought about it, but eventually shook his head. "Naw, you   
guys gotta be together somehow, just considering the proximity o' the   
planets, see. It's either sisters or lovers, an I think we've all had   
enough of that kinda thing, don't you? Y'know? So, you're   
sisters...and...let's just make this simple, okay? You died, were   
reincarnated, and just fight with the rest o' the outers. None o'   
that Time shit."  
  
She shrugged. "Whatever you want."  
  
"Listen, these are YOUR memories, here. This is what you're   
gonna believe actually happened to you."  
  
She shrugged again. "I don't care anymore. Can I go now?"  
  
"Of course not! There's a whole mess o' shit we gotta figure   
out here. And this is all harder than you think. We gotta be careful   
that nothing about you is anything like any of senshi that are already  
there, or everyone will laugh at me all call me uncreative. So work   
with me here! We need all the miscellaneous stuff now. Like... your   
favorite gemstone. And... your least favorite subject in school.   
Favorite food. What you have trouble with. Hobbies. What you dream   
of doing. Your astrological sign. Your least favorite food. Plus a   
short description of you. Y'know, just a basic personality."  
  
She groaned slightly. "Can't I just keep my own?"  
  
That stopped him. "Well...sure," he said eventually. "That's   
a good suggestion, actually." He looked up at her, his eyes glinting.   
"Hey," he said with mock secrecy. "Do you think that I could... you  
know...come to earth and be your boyfriend?"  
  
"No."  
  
He nodded sadly. "You're right. That'd just be dumb,   
wouldn't it?"   
  
"Oh, I don't think this process could get any dumber."  
  
He stared at her. "I don't think you understand how important   
this is for me. All those gods, they think they can just shit all on   
Charon all the time. Well, no more. See, because o' you, I'm gonna   
be invited to the big parties now! But you gotta be perfect, or I'm   
gonna be a laughingstock!"  
  
"But can't you figure all this out without me here? I'm   
telling you now, I'm fine with whatever you come up with, just as long   
as it's not something stupid like you coming, okay? I just want to go   
back to some kind of life."  
  
Charon shrugged. "Sure. Now if you got any problems, just   
call anytime, alright? See ya."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Michiru woke up to the sound of soft crying. She got up and   
went over to Haruka, sitting alone in the corner, and touched her on   
the shoulder softly.   
  
Haruka sniffled and tried to wipe the tears away. "I...I'm   
sorry," she murmured. "I didn't want to wake you...I just..." she   
trailed off and couldn't think of anything to say.  
  
"Ssshhh," Michiru whispered soothingly. "It's okay. You know   
I understand."  
  
She stroaked Haruka's head softly, and the unceasing noise on   
the inside of it nearly ceased.  
  
Haruka reached out and touched Michiru's face. "What would I   
do if I didn't have you?" she murmured.  
  
The door opened slightly, and Setsuna stuck her head in. "Is  
everything alright?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Yes," Michiru answered. "Haruka's just having kind of a   
rough night."  
  
Hotaru peered in underneath Setsuna. She looked at Michiru   
and mouthed the word "pills".   
  
Michiru nodded silently and continued comforting her lover as   
only she could. Hotaru ran to the kitchen and returned with a   
prescription bottle in one hand and a glass of water in the other.  
  
"Here, come on now," Michiru said, taking the bottle, removing   
the top, and pulling out a single white pill. "Take this. You'll   
feel better."  
  
Haruka nodded, and with a shaking hand she popped it into her   
mouth and washed it down with the water. Then she hugged herself to   
Michiru tightly, wiping her tears on her shoulder. "I love you," she   
murmured, grey eyes glistening.  
  
Michiru smiled. "I love you, too."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Satisfied, Hotaru went back to bed. Setsuna stood alone.   
She went up to nobody. "I love you," she whispered. Nobody said, "I   
love you, too."  
  
Barbara probably would have done something similar, but she   
was too busy drinking alone.  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Noise

Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: Noise  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hotaru flopped down on her bed and did her best to forget   
about her life. Impossible.  
  
She wondered if there was a family out there that was any more  
dysfunctional than hers. Maybe off in America somewhere. She guessed   
in New York there had to be some completely fucked up group of people   
all living together and making each other's lives utter hell. It   
satisfied her to imagine this.  
  
But then the image of the completely fucked up group of people  
living with her jumped back into her brain, and she groaned slightly.   
She didn't want to think about this.  
  
She supposed Haruka and Michiru's relationship was stable   
enough, despite the fact that Haruka was out of her mind. They really   
did love each other. Sure, Michiru was sleeping less than three hours   
a night, worrying about and taking care of her lover, but they were   
both basically happy people.  
  
Unlike the other two. Poor Barbara, poor drunken, surly   
Barbara. Hotaru could tell she was a good person and deserved more   
than the constant depression she was trapped in.  
  
And Setsuna, officially the Unhappiest Person on the Face of   
the Earth. She would be lucky if she made it another fifty years   
without losing her mind herself.  
  
Hotaru wanted to do something, anything. It was killing her   
just sitting there and living with these people and watching them fall   
apart, terrified that the same thing will slowly happen to her.  
  
She wanted to go up to Haruka, smack her in the head and just  
scream, "GET BETTER!!"  
  
Or say to Barbara, "If you ever touch another drink again, I   
will slice your skull open with the Silence Glaive."  
  
Or sit Michiru down and say, "Hey, just in case you haven't   
noticed, everyone in this house except for me is in love with you."  
  
Or grab Setsuna by the hair and threaten to break her neck if   
she doesn't start trying to enjoy life like normal people do.  
  
No, of course that wouldn't work. She had to help them, but  
subtlety was the way to go. She had to think of some way to make them   
all better, but she couldn't change herself, or it'd all fall apart.   
She was the glue in this family, after all.  
  
There was a green flash, and she wasn't alone anymore.   
Someone with pink hair was standing over her, a confused expression on  
her face.  
  
Hotaru recovered quickly from her shock and jumped up and   
hugged the newcomer as hard as she could. The embrace was returned.  
  
"Chibi-Usa!" Hotaru squealed. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Just a visit," Chibi-Usa answered. "Just came to see you."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hotaru is lying on a stone slab, cold and stiff. She opens   
her eyes and looks around. It's dark. Two eyes stare at her,   
cartoon-like, floating in the void.  
  
A claw reaches out and stroakes her face tenderly. Lips touch   
her ear, and breath blows in, forming words in her head. "We're   
coming for you, bitch. We're coming for you."  
  
  
  
  
  
"It's so great to see you. Nobody here really cares like you   
do."  
  
Chibi-Usa shrugged. "That's not true. Everyone cares about   
you, they're just too busy to remember all the time."  
  
"Still, you... pay attention to me. Unlike the rest of the   
world."  
  
Chibi-Usa frowned. "I know you haven't had the greatest life.  
That's why I came. I wanted to cheer you up."  
  
Hotaru smiled. "Thank you. How long has it been? For you, I  
mean."  
  
Chibi-Usa thought for a second. "Six years," she said. "Wow,   
I hadn't realized it'd been that long. I've missed you."  
  
Hotaru kept smiling. "Me too. So, I guess you want to see   
the others."  
  
"I want to say hi. I've seen enough of most of them lately.   
Part of the reason I came here was to get away from my parents."  
  
Hotaru stood up. "I think the inners have a meeting at Rei's   
temple right about now."  
  
Chibi-Usa nodded and started out the door. She stopped,   
turned around, and embraced Hotaru again. "You're a good person," she   
whispered. "Never forget that. No matter what happens."  
  
They walked out the door together.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She can feel somebody eating killing her. Her head falls   
apart, but her body lives on, smiling by itself. She sees it, and   
wonders how that can be. Bodies can't smile by themselves! Something   
has to tell them to.  
  
That's when she sees the bright black thing that shoots out of   
her head and waves all around, blinding everything. Everything goes   
purple. Then red. Then white. Then nothing.  
  
There's nothing left.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hotaru sat in the kitchen, not at all troubled. She drank her   
tea calmly.   
  
Setsuna walked in. "Well," she said. "This has been a   
suprising day."  
  
Hotaru grinned and nodded.  
  
"I hadn't expected her to come back again," Setsuna continued.  
  
"She didn't have a reason or anything," Hotaru reminded her.   
"It's just a visit."  
  
Setsuna frowned. "I'm not sure that's plausable," she said.   
"I wouldn't send someone back in time unless it was important."  
  
Hotaru scowled, but refused to lose her good mood. "Maybe in   
the future you learn that when people are friends, they want to see   
each other."  
  
"Be careful," Setsuna said. "I don't think..."  
  
Hotaru cut her off bitterly. "Setsuna, stop trying to tell   
everyone what to do. Not everything that happens is going to destroy   
the universe."  
  
Setsuna blinked in suprise. That didn't seem normal.   
"Hotaru..." she began, but Hotaru had already left the room.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hotaru's mind suddenly jerked and she found herself   
automatically yelping the first thing that popped into her head.   
"GET OUT!!"  
  
The she looked around in suprise and was shocked to find   
herself outside the house. Judging from the placement of the moon, it   
was late. The last she remembered was going to bed at around ten.  
  
She'd never been a sleepwalker. Bizzare.  
  
As she went back inside she sniggered. Then she realized what   
she'd been doing and stopped suddenly.  
  
It was that weird state you get in just after you wake up,   
when your thoughts are messed up and you don't really know what you're   
doing. Yeah, she thought of something funny and just forgot about it   
instantly. That was it.  
  
Nothing was wrong. Nothing was...  
  
She smiled, and went inside.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Her mind refused to get frustrated. Its power was building,   
it was taking over eaily, but to be discovered now would mean certain   
death.  
  
Still, it watched all these inane, stupid, loud people yelling  
and screaming and running around all over the place. Terrible to   
endure, yet necessary, for the time being.  
  
So it sat in her skull and waited.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Michiru walked into the kitchen to get herself some milk (the  
greatest opiate in the world) and was a little suprised to find Hotaru  
sitting there.  
  
"Hey," she said. "Couldn't sleep either?"  
  
Hotaru nodded. "I tried, but sleepwalked outside. Did I ever   
do that when I was younger?"  
  
Michiru thought. "No," she said eventually. "You were always   
a good sleeper, at least since I've known you. We could ask your   
father."  
  
Hotaru shrugged and sipped her tea. "No need. I guess my  
subconcious is just trying to keep me from dreaming. I've been having  
nightmares lately."  
  
Michiru crinkled her forehead. "Bad ones?" She went to the  
refrigerator and got the milk and peanut butter out.  
  
"No. Just weird. Terrible things are happening, I mean, I've   
seen myself die a couple of times, but I never feel any pain."  
  
Michiru got a glass and the bread out of seperate cabinets.   
"I'm not sure I like that," she muttered in a motherly manner. "You   
should ask Haruka's shrink about it. I'm sure seeing yourself die in   
a dream is not symbolic of something healthy."  
  
"Oh, Michiru, don't worry about it. It's not anything bad.  
Besides, Chibi-Usa being here will help any psychological problems I   
might have."  
  
Michiru grunted disbelievingly as she spread the peanut butter   
on her end slice. "I'm glad she's here," she said, after washing it   
down with some milk. "You sure seem happy ever since she showed up."  
  
"Uh huh. It's great to be around somebody who... y'know...  
spends time with you and really cares about..." She realized what   
she'd said and trailed off.  
  
Michiru looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry. I know we don't   
give you enough attention, but we all do our best. You know that,   
don't you?"  
  
"Of course. You don't have to..." something clicked in her   
head. "...feel bad just because you're fucking me up for life."  
  
Michiru blinked. "What?"  
  
"Oh, you know," Hotaru said casually. "It's not exactly   
healthy for somebody to be raised by people like you. I'm probably   
going to grow up to be a drunken, misanthropic, schizophrenic dyke.   
Still, all of you are far to busy to ever actually take care of me, so   
I may have a chance."  
  
Michiru was speechless.  
  
Hotaru laughed. "I've been wanting to say that for years. It   
feels great, let me tell you. It..." Her mind cleared, and she   
realized what she'd been saying. "Oh my...Michiru, I didn't mean   
that! I don't know what happened!"  
  
But Michiru was already halfway out the door so Hotaru   
couldn't see her cry.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hotaru finds herself standing in her own room. The door opens   
and Hotaru walks in.  
  
Hotaru 1 looks at the other in suprise. "Who are you?"  
  
Hotaru 2 grins. "I'm you. Well, obviously I'm not YOU,   
but..." she searches for words. "Hmmm. Here, let me show you." She   
quickly pulls out a knife and cuts her own hand.  
  
Hotaru 1 yelps in pain and looks down to see streams of blood  
running down her fingers.  
  
Hotaru 2 grins wider, and holds up a red fist. "Didn't hurt   
me," she says. "Y'know why? I'm stronger. And pretty soon all of   
that," she touches her own head with the tip of the blade, "Will be   
mine."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Foolish before to have trusted that lowly servant with this   
girl. She's strong. Very strong.  
  
But revenge is sweet, and even the struggle tastes like   
chocolate, when victory is within the grasp.  
  
There's no real challenge here. Just noise.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Setsuna knew. She refused to greet Chibi-Usa when she entered   
the room, or respond to her greeting. Instead, she got straight to   
the point. "Why are you here?"  
  
Chibi-Usa shook her head. "I'm not going to talk to you," she   
said. "And I'm certainly not going to answer any of your questions.   
Don't take it personally, but whenever you interrogate me, bad things   
happen."   
  
Setsuna glared at the pink-haired girl. "I know something bad   
is going to happen anyway. So do you."  
  
"I won't say anything. I'm on vacation. You should take one   
too."  
  
Setsuna grunted in annoyance and headed out the door.  
  
Chibi-Usa called after her. "Weren't you even glad to see   
me?" But Setsuna was already gone.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hotaru 2 is laughing.  
  
Hotaru 1 can see things happening around her, but something's   
weird. She tries to say something, but there's no sound. A car   
drives past, but makes no noise. A bird sings silently.  
  
"I am your king," a voice calls from Hotaru 2's lips. "I am   
your master. I am your Pharaoh."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It was at this point that she woke up, panting noisily and   
sweating. Something juts out in her mind, impossible to ignore.  
  
Chibi-Usa standing there smiling. "I've missed you."  
  
She missed me. In the future. She missed me.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He's part of me. He's inside me. I feel him breathing. Once   
in a while he whispers to me, and I have to do what he says. There's   
no escape.  
  
I'm scared.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hotaru shut the door. Chibi-Usa looked up and smiled. "Hi,"   
she began, but stopped when she saw her friend's expression.  
  
Hotaru didn't move. "You said you missed me," she murmured.   
"Why aren't I in the future? What happened to me?"  
  
Chibi-Usa sighed. She's expected this. From the very moment   
that had slipped out, she'd known it would cause trouble. "Listen...   
I can't tell you. But don't be scared. I lead an extremely busy,   
sheltered life. Just because I don't see you doesn't mean something   
bad happened. You can't assume something like that."  
  
That didn't fool Hotaru. "Something's happening to me," she  
whispered. "I don't know what... but I'm afraid. Is this why you're   
here?"  
  
"The future isn't set," Chibi-Usa said, not at all in response   
to Hotaru's last statement. "Every time Setsuna sends me back she   
warns me about that. I mean, when I get back to my time, everything   
could be different than when I left. I don't know the way it's going   
to be."  
  
"Chibi-Usa... please. If you know what's happening to me, or   
what's going to have to happen, tell me. Please. Why did you come   
now?"  
  
"I just picked a time at random. I'm telling you, I don't   
know anything. What, are you sick or something?"  
  
"Why are you doing this?" Hotaru asked, tears in her eyes.   
"Why..." She glanced over and saw Setsuna standing in the doorway.  
  
"I know," the woman said grimly. "I'm sorry, Hotaru."  
  
"Why, what is it?" Hotaru whiumpered, frightened. "What's   
wrong with me?"  
  
"It's him. I knew he wasn't dead... I set up defenses, but   
somehow he got through. He's inside you, Hotaru. No, more than that.  
He's PART of you."  
  
Hotaru struggled to get words out. "Who..." was all she was   
able to come up with.  
  
Setsuna's facial expression did not change. "You know who.   
The Pharaoh. He's gaining power inside you, and when he's strong   
enough, the Silence will come."  
  
There was silence.  
  
Hotaru broke it, with a trembling voice that was trying its   
best to be brave. "What can we do?"  
  
"He can't be forced out," Setsuna said calmly. "I tried   
several times while you were asleep. He's part of your mind now, like   
a tumor. We can't destroy him without..." The rest of the sentence   
was not necessary.  
  
Again, there was silence.  
  
Setsuna broke it, with a steady voice. "He's turning your   
brain against you as we speak. Eventually you'll be gone anyway, and   
the world will be doomed. Not even Sailor Moon could save us then."  
  
Hotaru didn't move. Chibi-Usa stood up and embraced her.   
That was when both started to cry.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hotaru watched herself in the mirror. A wild thought popped   
into her head that she didn't deserve this fate, but it was discarded   
immediately.  
  
"So you came to say goodbye," she said softly.  
  
Chibi-Usa nodded. "And to help you. You need somebody to be   
there for you."  
  
Hotaru smiled. "Thank you." She went to the window and   
stared out.  
  
Chibi-Usa smiled. "You're so strong and mature," she said.   
"I always respected that about you."  
  
Hotaru grimaced. "I'm sorry," she managed slowly. "He's   
struggling again."  
  
Chibi-Usa watched helplessly as her friend tried to control   
her mind. "It's not fair," she whispered. "None of this is fair."   
You're going to die, but no, you already did.   
  
Oh god, why did I have to come?  
  
Hotaru inhaled deeply, as the struggle ended for the time   
being. "I wish I could have said goodbye to the inners," she remarked   
quietly.  
  
"Setsuna's right," Chibi-Usa said. "They would just have   
gotten your hopes up, talking about how there's some other way."  
  
Hotaru looked back, her eyes hollow. "Is there?"  
  
"No. Setsuna is going to spend years analyzing this over and   
over, trying to find some way she could have saved you and still   
destroyed the Pharaoh. She never came up with anything. Neither did   
my mother, though she almost worked herself to death trying."  
  
"I don't want that," Hotaru said, tears in her eyes. "I don't   
want anyone to be hurt by this."  
  
"We're all hurt by this, Hotaru."  
  
They both began to cry again.  
  
"Oh god," Hotaru whispered. "What is my father going to do?"  
  
"Setsuna set up some accident that she'll tell him you... died   
in. It'll be easier that way."  
  
Several minutes of tears.  
  
"I have to give you a message before... it happens," Chibi-Usa  
eventually choked. "My Pluto, the one in the future, said to make   
sure I told you that... she's sorry. She wants you to know that she   
did all she could, and that she loved you."  
  
Hotaru nodded, but was unable any words out.  
  
Sailor Pluto walked in silently. "Are you ready?" she asked.  
  
Hotaru embraced Chibi-Usa, and the two of them walked outside  
together.  
  
The other outers were waiting. All were sobbing. Michiru and  
Haruka were holding each other for support, and Barbara was obviously  
extremely drunk.  
  
"I love you all," Hotaru announced. "I'm sorry I have to   
leave you now. Please don't be sad."  
  
Her words had little effect on their tear ducts.  
  
Pluto raised her staff. "Goodbye," she murmured calmly.  
  
Pink shot out at Hotaru, consuming and burning her.   
"Goodbye," she whispered, as her mind screamed out in pain and fury.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Orange. Dark orange. Then a green light.  
  
It got increasingly bigger, until it filled her field of   
vision. Three figures appeared. One was a young, calm man with a   
Generation Xish goatee and brown hair, one was a grinning goat/man,   
and the last was a dark-haired man with a scowl on his face. She   
recognized him. Pluto.  
  
I'm dead.  
  
The goat/man walked to her. He reached into her head and   
pulled out a small black thing.  
  
"Oh, MAN," he said to it. "Did YOU ever pick the wrong   
planet to die on. Once you're in someone's head down here, buddy,   
you're mine." He let out a deep, intimidating laugh.  
  
"Punish him good," Pluto said. "Saturn really wants that one  
hurting for what he did to his senshi."  
  
The goat/man pocketed the black thing. He nodded to his   
companions. "See you round," he said, and disappeared.  
  
Pluto did his best to smile at her. "Hello, Hotaru," he said.   
"I suppose you know who this man is. For a while there, you were the   
anti-him." He broke off from his speech and stared at the young man.   
"Jeez, couldn't you at least let us have the senshi? They're pretty   
much our only followers now."  
  
"I'm sorry, Pluto," the young man said. "But this is settled.  
Saturn and my father talked about this, and they agreed that she would   
stay with us Mondays through Thursdays, and he gets her the rest of   
the time. It's a compromise. Civil people like them. Besides, as   
you know, it'll only be about a hundred years before people start   
worshipping you guys again. Then you'll have plenty of people to put   
in Hades. This is a VERY special case." He sighed. "And please...   
don't call me Jeez."  
  
Pluto grunted. "Anyway," he continued to Hotaru. "I would   
just like to say that we all talked it over, and you have no hope of   
rebirth or spontaneously coming back to life or anything. Just know   
that you will not come back."  
  
The young man glared at Pluto. "You could have been a little   
more tactful. See, now there's an example of why so many people don't   
like you. You're just not very nice. Now, I know you're a good   
person on the inside, but most folks have neither the patience nor the   
inclination to be around you long enough to see that."  
  
Pluto grunted again, this time louder. "Am I done?" he asked.   
"Do you need me for anything else?" The young man shook his head.   
Pluto disappeared.  
  
The young man stood in front of Hotaru. "It's a little   
disturbing," he said. "Seeing someone who's the anti-me, and watching   
them, and finding out that they're a really, really good person."  
  
Hotaru tried to speak, but found that she was too weak.  
  
"Oh, yes, that," the young man said. "That's just a temporary  
reaction to death. It'll wear off in a couple of hours." He reached   
out his hand. "Come with me." His smile was blinding. "You deserve   
some happiness."  
  
She slowly raised her hand up until it touched his. Together,  
slowly, they walked off somewhere.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Change

Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: Change  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The house was empty.  
  
No, it wasn't, actually. There were four people living   
inside. One of them didn't count, though. She didn't do anything.   
She just sat by the window in a dark room (so she could see out but no   
one could see in), and watched for whatever she thought was coming,  
which were very specific, very dangerous things.  
  
Nothing could make her move, not even the one person in the   
world she trusted.  
  
Not that Michiru didn't try. And as she got more and more   
lonely and desperate, her arguments to get away from the window grew   
increasingly intense. She never dreamed it would ruin everything.  
  
It's just a window, for crying out loud.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She walked in, carrying a mug and a plate of fried eggs.   
"I've got breakfast," she announced.  
  
Haruka didn't look at her. "Did you make it?" she asked.   
Michiru nodded. "Put it over there. I have to keep looking or   
they'll come."  
  
Michiru put the food and coffee on a table and sat down near   
Haruka. "Please tell me who you're so afraid of."  
  
"Them. They're coming, I saw them a few days ago. Didn't   
you?" She didn't wait for an answer. "They were here. If I stop   
watching they'll come and take us over."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Haruka swallowed. "They'll hypnotize us and make us do what   
they want." Tears came to her eyes. "Like... like they did with   
Setsuna. Having her murder poor Hotaru."  
  
"Haruka, how many times do I have to tell you? Hotaru died so   
we could save everyone else. Setsuna did what she had to do, why   
can't you understand that?"  
  
Haruka grimaced. "You've been fooled. You don't understand."  
  
Michiru sighed. She walked over to the drawer and opened it.   
She reached inside and took out a handful of little white things. "I   
found your pills, Haruka."  
  
There was no reaction.  
  
"The ones you said you were taking. You..."  
  
"It's all poison," Haruka muttered. "So they can kill me if I   
keep them from controlling my mind. But I'm too smart, see, I know."  
  
"Haruka... please. I'm alone without you. Please just take   
your pills. Then you'll be okay again."  
  
"You've been listening to Setsuna," Haruka grunted. "She's   
made you think these things."  
  
"Haruka, no." She picked up one of the little white things   
and held it out. "I know it hurts losing Hotaru, but you have to get   
past it. You--"  
  
Haruka grabbed her hand and stared her in the eyes. "Are you  
manipulating me?" She shook her head vigorously. "No. No, you can't   
be hypnotized. I've been protecting you. But... you believe me,   
don't you? You don't think I'm crazy." She smiled gratefully. "You   
love me."  
  
Michiru didn't say anything for a second. Then she pulled her  
hand away. "I don't think you're crazy. I think you're sick.   
There's nothing coming after you. I can help you get better, but you   
have to take your pills. Please."  
  
Haruka looked up in horror. "They've gotten you," she   
whispered, tears in her eyes. "Oh god...how could I let this happen?   
I..." she ran to the door, panicking. "I've got to get out of here!"  
  
Michiru walked up slowly. "Haruka, please, I'm not trying to   
hurt you. You have to trust me... because I love you. Don't you   
trust me?"  
  
Haruka grabbed her head and groaned slightly. "Why are you   
doing this to me? WHY ARE YOU ALL DOING THIS TO ME?!! Why did you   
take her? It's not fair..."  
Michiru reached to Haruka, intending to stroak her hair, touch   
her face, make everything better, just like always.  
  
But Haruka screamed and pushed her to the floor.   
"Getawayfromme!" she yelped, and ran.  
  
Sobbing all the way. She wasn't going to come back.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hotaru's dead, and I'm watching a sit-com.  
  
Oh, I'm not getting any enjoyment out of it. But here I am,   
sitting on my ass, not crying. I should be crying. Or I at least   
feeling kind of bad about it. After all, I was the one who...  
  
This lanky, stupid guy trips over a table and falls on his   
face.   
  
LAUGH NOW.  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"  
  
See? That was easy. I can fake emotion any time I want. I   
just don't want to. It wouldn't be right. Even after watching her   
die at my own hand, and telling her father and seeing him broken...   
I didn't shed a single tear, because...hmm. I don't know. I guess   
I'm just not an emotional person. I...  
  
Oh, fuck it. Why am I lying to myself? I know what's really   
true. Unnecessary death is never a good thing, but when it happens,   
it happens. Nothing to cry over.  
  
Besides, I didn't really love Hotaru. I don't really love   
anybody, so of course I don't feel sad when they die.  
  
I can't afford to. It might distract me from my obligations,   
and then what would happen? I   
  
I'm tiring of this program and its wacky situations. I change   
the channel.  
  
"I know who the murderer is! It's... the butler!"  
  
BE SUPRISED NOW.  
  
"Gasp!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Barbara was suprised to find no alchohol in the house.   
Strange. She ususally kept as much as possible as close as possible.  
  
She did, however, discover a great deal of vomit in the   
toilet. She suspected it was an important clue in the Case of the   
Missing Liquid Happiness.  
  
Aha. The culprit was found in only a few minutes. Michiru   
was in her room sitting on the bed, an empty bottle of gin in her   
right hand. She threw it on the floor and looked up at Barbara with   
bloodshot eyes.  
  
"She's gone," she muttered. "Thought I was trying to kill   
her, just ran off." She stood up and shook her head. "Shoulda tried   
harder. Shoulda made sure she took her pills and taken better care of   
her and helped her more. 'Sall my fault. Shoulda tried harder."  
  
Haruka...? But that's impossible! That couldn't happen, not   
for those two. It was Haruka/Michiru the same way it was   
Usagi/Mamoru. They... they were supposed to be together forever!  
  
Barbara was embraced, tears soaking through her shirt and   
wetting her shoulder. "She's not gonna come back," Michiru muttered.   
"Gone gone gone gone gone."  
  
"Oh god," Barbara whispered, returning the embrace. "How   
could she do this to you?"  
  
Michiru refused to respond. Instead she stared off into space   
and began talking to the wall. "I remember the day she first said   
she loved me," she murmured. "Wasn't special, wasn't after we died,   
or we started taking care of Hotaru or anything. Just some night, she   
walks up to me, and she looks so scared and sad, and I'm afraid I'll   
hurt her if I don't agree. So I just... pretended. And now the only   
person who ever loved me is gone because I didn't take good enough   
care of her, and I didn't even love her back."  
  
Barbara froze. She could feel opportunity smashing her over   
the head with a mallet. Which cliche to go for? The familiar, easy,  
intoxicated stupor with the tragic loneliness, or the reach out for   
the stars, be-all-you-can-be risk that could bring actual, permenant   
happiness?  
  
She smelled Michiru's breath and gagged. Then she realized   
that she'd been tasting the exact same thing every day for years.  
  
"Michiru..." she whispered. "She wasn't the only one who   
loved you..."  
  
Cloudy blue eyes looked up, confused. "What?"  
  
"I love you, too. I always have."  
  
Neither spoke. They just looked at each other, not even   
really understanding what was happening. Then suddenly the primal   
and spontaneous parts of them took over, and it was good.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Setsuna heard it. Or maybe she felt it or smelled it or   
tasted it or something else, but she knew it happened. And it   
confused her greatly.  
  
She dropped the remote control and stood up slowly. "What the  
hell?" she muttered. "What the HELL?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The three people stood in the kitchen. They knew they were  
tresspassing, but weren't hurting anybody, so figured it was okay.  
Pluto went to the refrigerator and got out the milk and   
leftover berbequed chicken. He took a leg and munched on it, after   
handing the carton to Jesus. "Anyway, like I was saying, everything   
is just a rule for you, isn't it? Can't have any fun or you'll be   
commiting some sin."  
  
Jesus grinned. "That's not true. See?" He started drinking  
directly from the milk carton. "Look what I'm doing!"  
  
A small hand smacked him. "Don't do that!" Hotaru yelled.   
"That's disgusting!"  
  
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Jesus said. He snickered. "That's the most   
unsanitary theology lesson I've ever given. Now I have to throw this   
milk out, don't I?"  
  
"No, leave it," Pluto said, rolling his eyes. "It probably   
cures the plague now, or something."  
  
Hotaru covered her mouth and giggled. "Yeah, or   
schizophrenia. Maybe Haruka-mama will come back and drink it, and be   
cured. Then she'll see what her girlfriend's doing and go crazy   
again."   
  
"Yes," Pluto agreed. "Amazing, the power of the Holy   
Backwash."  
  
"You're just a real joker, aren't you?" Jesus muttered,   
grinning slightly. "Now I see why they named a cartoon dog after   
you."  
  
"Hey, don't go there, man."  
  
"Ruff ruff!" the Son of God exclaimed. "Pant pant! Ruff!"  
  
Hotaru giggled.  
  
Pluto shook his head. "Oh, aren't we just the three fucking stooges tonight."  
  
"Now see, people would enjoy working with you more if you showed your  
sense of humor. Now..." he trailed off. Setsuna was standing in   
the doorway watching them.   
  
"Hi," Hotaru said. "I'm not back, we're just delivering a   
message."   
  
Setsuna didn't notice. Instead she went up to her god and   
grabbed his arms. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" she screamed.  
  
Pluto cooly pulled himself away. "If you're refering to   
what's going on in the other room, then it is lesbian sex. I'll go   
into further detail if you want, but then I would get all caught up in   
that and completely forget about saying anything else. So I'll let   
you just use your imagination."   
  
"No, no, why is that happening? That's not the way it's   
supposed to be!"  
  
"Why?" Pluto asked. "Because Haruka and Michiru were Uranus   
and Neptune? And because of that, they're SUPPOSED to stay 'together   
forever', right?"  
  
"Yes! Exactly!" Setsuna's hands were shaking. "That's my   
duty, to keep things the way they're supposed to be!"   
  
Hotaru sighed and shook her head. "How do you know that   
Barbara doesn't love Michiru as much as Haruka, or more? There're   
lots of different ways things can be, Setsuna. You should know that   
more than anyone."  
  
"Yes, but there's a BEST way! There's a timeline that can't   
be corrupted, and that's what's happening now!"  
  
"Just out of curiosity, how much have you changed to preserve  
this timeline?" Hotaru asked timidly.  
  
"A lot of things. Sacrifices. Having Ami move to Tokyo so   
she'd meet with the others. Saving Haruka and Michiru from the   
helicopter crash. Letting all the inners die so the Princess could   
fight alone. Dying myself so she could do it again. Having Makoto's   
parents die so she'd live by herself, and be able to join the rest of   
the inners. Letting Haruka have Michiru. Killing you. Many, many   
things. I've fought for this my entire life."  
  
Pluto grunted. "You really have been brainwashed," he   
muttered. "Listen, remember back to who first told you about this   
duty of yours. Okay? You got that?"  
  
Setsuna glared up at her god. "Yes," she growled. "I   
remember."  
  
"He was lying. Okay? Nothing he said was true."  
  
Setsuna blinked. That was impossible.  
  
"No, it's not impossible," Pluto said. "You really don't have   
a job. Maintenance, is all. Once in a while you show up at those   
funky Gates o' Time, make sure there're no cracks or dents, and then   
go back and enjoy your life. You don't protect the human race, you   
don't guard it from outside invaders, that's those other guys' jobs.   
You don't try to manipulate things so there's this future, which MIGHT   
be good. And most of all, you don't sit on your ass by yourself all   
the goddamn time! Maybe I should have told you this at the beginning,   
I guess I didn't care enough. Well, you have no excuses now."  
  
Setsuna looked confused. It was a frightening sight. "What   
do you mean?"  
  
"We mean that you should just relax," Hotaru said. "You can   
be just as happy in the Silence as in Crystal Tokyo. Remember how   
much fun being dead was? You can have that exact thing now, except   
alive. Nothing to worry about, no problems, minimal duty. Sounds   
pretty good, doesn't it?"  
  
"Uh huh," Setsuna muttered. "It does."  
  
"Well, go!" Pluto yelled. "Be a person. Find happiness."  
  
Setsuna nodded, still in shock. She left the room without a   
word.  
  
"WAAAAHOOOOOO!!" they heard her yell several minutes later.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"This is really good chicken," Jesus exclaimed. "Even cold!"  
  
Hotaru nodded. "The sauce is very good," she said, swallowing   
a chunk of white meat.  
  
Michiru strolled in. She went directly to the refrigerator,   
and pulled out a bag of grapes.  
  
She put one in her mouth and looked up at her guests. "Oh,   
hello, Hotaru," she said absent-mindedly. "And Pluto. How are you?   
And who's this? I don't think I've met you."  
  
"Jesus Christ," Jesus said, bowing slightly. "I'm the messiah   
for the Christian religion."  
  
"Oh," Michiru said. She squinted at him, then suddenly pointed at him   
in surprise. "So YOU were the guy we were lookin' for!" she yelled.   
Why weren't you... around here? It would have made things a lot   
easier!"  
  
Jesus shrugged. "I decided it would be best not to get   
involved. I'm sorry."  
  
Michiru waved her hand through the air dismissively. "Ah, no   
one's blaming you. Hey Hotaru, I'm gonna be really surprised about   
seeing you all in the morning when I'm sober, aren't I?"  
  
"Yep. Hey, tell Barbara I said hi, okay?"  
  
"Sure." Michiru popped two grapes into her mouth.  
  
"Michiru!!" Barbara's voice came from the bedroom. "You   
coming back?"  
  
"Yes," Michiru called. She sighed and looked at the people in   
her kitchen. "You guys are either dead, gods, or messiahs. You   
should have some insight. Am I making a mistake?"  
  
"Only one way to find out," Hotaru said.  
  
Michiru nodded. "You're right," she said finally. "Help   
yourselves to anything in the fridge. See ya." She stumbled out of   
the room.  
  
"They'll be happy," Hotaru said, smiling.  
  
"Yeah," Jesus agreed. "For the time being, at least." 


	8. Argument

Secondary Characters: Argument  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rei didn't go inside the house. She sat on the sidewalk, just  
looking up at her window.  
  
Luna walked up to her. "Rei," she said slowly. "This is   
getting kind of creepy."  
  
"I know," Rei muttered. "I'm sorry."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Makoto shoved her face in her magazine and did her best to   
look inconspicuous. Difficult, as there were only two people in the   
room.  
  
The man went up to the desk, looked around for a minute, and   
then returned to his chair. He tapped his foot nervously.  
  
"Excuse me," he said. "Um...excuse me!"  
  
Makoto looked up sheepishly. "Are you talking to me?"  
  
"Yes." He pointed to the empty desk. "Where's the secretary?   
I called yesterday, and she said to come in today to have some kind   
of pre-session session."  
  
"The doc does that to all his new patients," Makoto said   
quietly. "Discussing fees, going over main problems, stuff like that.   
The secretary's on her lunch break, I think. And you're not going to   
be able to have your session now. My appointment is next. And I've   
got somewhere to be directly afterwards."  
  
"Oh, oh, of course," he said. "I wouldn't want to   
inconvenience you. I'll just wait to when he gets out and ask him   
when I should come back."  
  
Makoto grunted and closely reread the article in front of her.  
  
"I'm not crazy," the man said. "He doesn't... just treat   
crazy people, does he? Because I'm not crazy. I just need to talk   
about a few things."  
  
Makoto glared up at him. "Do I look crazy?" she asked.  
  
"Oh no! No no no no. I didn't mean to insinuate that." He   
took a deep breath and sat down. "I'm sorry. It's just very   
intimidating to come in to see a shrink for the first time."  
  
Makoto nodded and softened a little. "I know what it feels   
like," she said. "You just have to keep telling youself that you're   
doing this to help you, and no one made you come."  
  
He nodded, tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he stuttered.  
  
"Just... looking at you, I got a flash of this woman I went out with a   
while ago. I... I fell in love with her. She didn't look anything   
like you, I mean I'm not a stalker or anything, there's just something   
that reminds me of her. I probably see it in every woman."  
  
She softened a little more. "What happened to her?"  
  
"She... she said we didn't 'connect'. I'm sorry, I don't know   
why I'm telling you all this. I guess I was just preparing to say it   
to the doctor, and you're just here, and... I'm sorry."  
  
"It's okay. I understand. The same kind of thing happened to   
me a couple of years ago."  
  
He looked at her, drying his eyes. "Is that why you're here?  
  
"No, I got over it. You will, too. Trust me." She smiled at   
him.  
  
He smiled back. "Thanks," he said, and meant it.  
  
"Any time."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rei stood up and wandered over to her bed. Meditation was   
useless. Her nerves were stretched far too tight.  
  
She hated being scared of things. She'd stared down monsters   
with cynicism, faced death with ease, and fought emotional battles   
with a smirk on her face.  
  
So why was this so hard?  
  
Stupid question.  
  
She picked up the telephone receiver and replaced it in one   
swift motion. Didn't even reach out for the buttons that time. This   
was getting worse.  
  
She tried to think of some similar situation. Hmmm... what   
about Mamoru and Usagi? They truly loved each other.  
  
There must have been some instant, some moment, when the two   
met somewhere and one said to the other, "I love you," for the very   
first time.  
  
How many hours of agonizing and painful deliberation led up to   
that? "What if s/he doesn't love me back? What if I make a fool out   
of myself? What if s/he hates me forever? What if I screw it up?"   
Etc.  
  
Okay, Rei told herself, that was LOVE. TRUE, PURE LOVE. And   
still, one was able to look the other straight in the eye and get the   
words out. The result: Two lifetimes together, so far.  
  
And here she was, sitting in her room, desperately trying to   
say something not even close to that. There shouldn't be any pressure   
here.  
  
Rei put her head in her hands. Her mind kept screaming at   
her, she's just a person, for godsake! She's nothing but a some girl   
who's not even very smart, or...  
  
No. She's not a person. She's my LIFE. And she doesn't even   
know.  
  
Rei picked up the reciever and threw it across the room.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ami cautiously peeked her head around the corner, into the   
dark room. The yelling was intensely loud, even moreso than the   
deafening explosions and gunfire. "Minako-chan?" she called softly,  
as if afraid of her own voice.  
  
"...Ha ha ha ha!" Minako replied, "I know how to deal with   
YOU, now! Blow up MY spaceship, will you? See how you deal with my   
DEATH MISSLES, you alien scum, I'll..."  
  
"Minako-chan?"  
  
"...you space pirates thought you could outfly Sailor V, but   
NOW you're who's laughing!? ME, that's who! NOW you see..."  
  
"MINAKO-CHAN!"  
  
Minako's jumped, startled, and her spaceship exploded. She   
screamed, dropped the video game controller, and buried her face in   
her hands in a position of sorry defeat. "Ami-chan!" she wailed, "how   
could you do this to me? I was saving the universe!"  
  
"I'm sorry," Ami stammered, blushing a bit. "It's just...   
the others said they'd be here, and they're late."  
  
Minako grinned, instantly forgetting her failure as an   
intergalactic space hero. "Don't worry, Ami-chan, they're probably   
just busy. They'll be here soon."  
  
Ami sighed. "I know, they probably will. It's just... I'm   
worried about Rei. She's been so depressed and distant lately.   
Mako-chan is getting professional help with her problems, and you and   
Usagi-chan seem fine, but Rei..."  
  
Minako smiled warmly. "She'll be fine, Ami-chan, you can   
trust me on that. You know how I know?"  
  
Ami raised an eyebrow. "How?"  
  
"Cause she's got love and justice on her side, of course!"   
Minako exclaimed. "Just like all of us! She'll be fine."  
  
Ami smiled, slowly but genuinely. "I guess that's true. She   
has love in her heart and she's a good person; I shouldn't worry."  
  
"Exactly!" Minako nearly yelled. "Now c'mon, watch how I can   
blow up the bad aliens!"  
  
Ami chuckled and sat down and watched Minako play her video   
game, but it still bothered her, in the back of her mind. "Love and   
justice," she reassured herself silently. "Everything will be okay."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
REI: Shut up.  
USAGI: No, you shut up.  
REI: No, you shut up!  
USAGI: No, you shut up!  
  
It was probably their least imaginative argument to date.  
  
  
REI: No, you shut up!  
USAGI: No, you shut up!  
REI: No, you shut up!  
  
Both of them knew how ridiculous they were being. The only   
reason they continued participating in the dispute was because that   
was the sole way to keep the other from winning.  
  
  
USAGI: No, you shut up!  
REI: No, you shut up!  
USAGI: No, you shut up!  
REI: No, you shut up!  
  
Then something strange happened.  
  
USAGI: No, you shut up!  
REI: You... mean more to me than anything else in the world.  
USAGI: I know.  
(pause)  
REI: Oh, shut up.  
USAGI: No, you shut up!  
REI: No, you shut up!  
USAGI: No, you shut up!  
  
They were not shutting up only on principle now. Both were  
perfectly willing.  
  



	9. Happy Days

Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: Happy Days  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Man #1 sat and gazed at Setsuna across the dinner table. She   
smiled demurely and sipped her wine.  
  
"Setsuna," he said softly. "I've been meaning to say this to   
you for a while. I...realize we've only been going out for a couple   
of weeks, but this feels different than any other relationship I've   
ever had. I feel... exhilerated when I'm around you. I can't explain   
it. I'm not sure, but...I think I love you."  
  
She inhaled deeply and then let it out slowly. Her smile got   
wider. "Let me tell you a story," she said.  
  
Man #1 looked suprised. That wasn't the reaction he'd   
expected, but as long as she was talking to him, she could be reading   
the phone book and have his rapt attention. "Sure," he said.  
  
"This is the afternoon of my fifteenth birthday," she said.   
"I was going thorugh this phase where I liked all those old spaghetti   
westerns, y'know? So my parents bought me this BB gun. Oh, I loved   
it. I rolled it in my hands and felt its power. It made me strong.   
I dunno, I can't really explain the way it made me feel that day.   
Anyway, I took it outside to the forest. After a while, I saw a   
chipmunk rummaging on the ground several meters away. I bent   
down... aimed... and fired!   
  
"The chipmunk scampered away frightened. I was disappointed,   
but then a white dove fell from the sky. Evidently I was a very poor   
shot. I took it home and had it stuffed. I have it to this day."   
She walked out of the room and returned with a small white thing in   
her hand.   
  
Man #1 examined it. "That's a couple of socks bundled   
together," he said, giving her a very strange look.  
  
Setsuna paused, then chuckled. "Well, of course. It would be  
creepy keeping a dead bird for years, wouldn't it? Anyway, when that   
dove fell, I realized something. Everything that happens is an   
accident. I didn't try to kill it, but it's dead anyway. If I hadn't   
liked the westerns, I wouldn't have gotten the gun, or if I had gone   
somewhere else in the woods, I would never have seen the chipmunk.   
Everything's just a coincidence. There's no mystical destiny or fate   
we're all trapped in. Do you understand?"  
  
He nodded unsurely. "I guess so. But why are you telling me   
this?"  
  
She forced herself to not smile. "We... you and me... were an  
accident. But not a good one. I don't think this is going to help   
either of us. We need to end it."  
  
He stared at her in horror. "But..." he said. "But..."  
  
"Oh sure, the sex was good, and I suppose we have kind of the   
same interests, but we never really connected. I'm sorry, but I   
think you should leave."  
  
Sensitive man that he was, he started to cry. "But..." he   
muttered. "But...I love you."  
  
She grinned. "Well, the feeling is not mutual." She opened   
the door for him. "Goodbye."  
  
He stared at her for a second, then grabbed his coat and ran   
at full speed outside. She slammed the door behind him, and began   
laughing hysterically.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Man #2 walked arm in arm with Setsuna, watching the moon   
reflected in the lake. Perfect Romantic Atmosphere.  
  
"I want to say something to you," he murmured. "I know we've   
only been going out a couple of weeks, but..."  
  
"Wait," she cut him off. "Before you go any further, let me   
tell you a story."  
  
He blinked in suprise.  
  
"I was twenty," she began, not waiting for a response from   
him. "There was a physics professor who was kind of my mentor. He   
wanted me to follow in his footsteps, become an actual scientist, and   
I was very interested in the field back then, so my performance in his   
class was important to both of us. Anyway, I got mono. And because   
of that, I fell behind the rest of the class. The night before the   
exam, I knew I should have been studying, but instead I went out to a   
bar for some reason.  
  
"So I'm sitting there drinking my beer, and this guy walks up   
and just starts screaming at me in German! And so I stand up, and I'm   
like, 'What the hell are you doing?' And I know I'm going to fail   
that test the next day, so I'm in no mood for this, and I make it   
clear through my body language that I just want to fight this guy.   
But he just keeps yelling all this German. So I'm getting really mad,   
but another guy comes up, and he apologizes with an impressively light   
German accent. 'Sorry about my friend,' he said. 'He's not mad at   
you, he's just got Turrett's syndrome. He can't help it.' I notice   
this guy's attractive, so I calm down and say I'm sorry.  
  
"The next thing I know, I'm fucking this German businessman   
who's only in town for the week. Then I go off and flunk my test.   
The professor was extremely disappointed in me, and that was hard to   
take.  
  
"But, see, the crazy thing is, everything worked out. I   
realized that physics wasn't my thing. That might not have happened   
for years if I had studied all night and done well. And the German   
guy and I fell in love. He moved here, and we lived together. I   
mean, he died tragically six months later, but we would never even   
have met if not for my slacking off."  
  
"How did he die?" Man #2 asked quietly.  
  
"Oh, he stood on an escalator too long. Got sucked under.   
Very sad. Very bloody. Anyway, here's my point. He was supposed to   
be preparing for some presentaion the exact same night in the bar.   
Both of us were supposed to be working. But we weren't, and we both   
benefitted. So make sure you learn this lesson: Never let anyone   
manipulate you into thinking that there's something you HAVE to do.   
There is no 'should'."  
  
Man #2 looked at her, kind of scared. "Why are you telling   
me this?" he asked suspiciously.  
  
"Well...when you were talking a while ago, I realized that you   
were trying to do that exact thing to me. You were about to go into   
some big spiel about how this is different from any other relationship   
you've ever had, right?"  
  
Man #2 nodded and looked at her nervously.  
  
"I couldn't let you say that," she said. "Because then I   
would feel all guilty about dumping you. And that'd just end up being   
bad for both of us."  
  
This time she couldn't wait. She burst into laughter at his  
ridiculously horrified expression.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Man #3 put his arm around Setsuna as the two of them watched   
the sunset together. "Setsuna," he said softly. "I..."  
  
"Hold on." She cut him off. "Let me tell you a story." She   
didn't wait for him to answer. "When I was a kid, I had this crazy   
grandfather. Every month or so, my mom would take me down to see him,   
because she knew he wasn't going to last much longer.  
  
"So anyway, we went down to his house one time, and I remember  
whenever we saw him he was always going on about how much he loved   
pickles. On and on about pickles! So anyway, we get there, and walk   
in, and we find him lying in the kitchen with these two jars stuck on   
his hands, covered in pickle juice, continually banging the back of   
his head against the floor, and he's screaming, 'HELP!! HELP!!   
PIRAHNAS ARE EATING MY HANDS!! HELP!!'  
  
"And my mom goes over and tries to take the jars off, but he   
jumps away and starts kicking her! 'They're mine!' he snaps. 'You   
can't have them!'  
  
"So he's rolling around on the floor like a maniac, my mom is  
crying, I'm laughing, and nobody knows what to do. Eventually he   
stands up and tries to go out the back door. He walks over and just   
starts hitting the doorknob over and over, trying to turn it so he can   
get through. My mom opens the door for him, he runs out, his pants   
fall down, he starts moaning and chanting like he's doing a rain dance   
or something. We decide to leave.  
  
"Now, I know what you're thinking, you don't know why I told   
you this. Well, there's an important lesson to be learned here. See,   
because, even though he was a loon, he was the happiest man I've ever   
met. He lived in a world where things try to eat his hands and he   
can't get out the door, yet something inside him kept him smiling and   
singing right up to the end. Just goes to show, that it doesn't   
matter what's happening, it doesn't matter how much your life sucks,   
or how old you are, or what a terrible life you've had, if you decide   
to have a good time, you can." She looked over at him seriously.   
"And... you're holding me back."  
  
"What?"  
  
She smiled. "It's over."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Man #4 gazed at her lovingly. He opened his mouth to speak,   
but she cut him off.  
  
"Let me tell you a story," she said. "I have a friend,   
who... I'm not shitting you here... is a princess. Tiny little   
country called the Kingdom of Mune. Second smallest in Europe after   
Vatican City. You wouldn't have heard of it unless you were a   
geography major. Anyway, she's a good person, but a moron, y'know?   
But, she's royalty, so everyone's always paying attention to her and   
keeping her safe. She's got her own secret service, for chrissake.   
As if anyone would try to kill her.  
  
"Well, somebody did. She was making a public appearance at   
some casino opening, and this psycho jumps up and just starts shooting   
a gun at her. One of her guards just threw herself in front of the   
princess. Got hit in the stomach twice and the right arm once. She   
knew she wasn't going to survive. But as she died, she was smiling,   
because she did what she'd been taught... no. That's not the right   
word. She did what she'd been brainwashed into thinking was right.   
She truly believed that it was better for her to die than this stupid   
little princess. And so did everyone else. And so she just died   
right there, and everybody proclaimed her a hero. Saddest thing you   
ever heard, isn't it?"  
  
Man #4 couldn't think of anything to say. "Um..." he managed.  
"Uh... why did you tell me that?"  
  
"This relationship isn't going to work out."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Man #5 looked up in suprise. "Setsuna! What are you doing   
here? Is something wrong?"  
  
Setsuna didn't say a word. She went up to him, grabbed his   
head, and kissed him on the lips. For a split second they stayed that   
way.  
  
Then he broke away looked at her in horror. "What are   
you... Setsuna what... are you doing?"  
  
She grinned. "Let me tell you a story," she said. "And   
unlike most of my stories, which I just tell to fuck with people's   
minds, this one is completely true. It's about a boy and a girl. The   
girl... let's call her Sailor Pluto... was beautiful and smart and   
good. The boy... say, Endymion... was sort of handsome, I suppose,   
but cruel and bitter, although he hid those particular traits well.   
They had a romance. Fell in love, actually. And for a while they   
were happy together.  
  
"But then somebody else entered the picture. A girl. For the   
sake of political power, she and Endymion were said to be 'destined   
for each other'.  
  
"Now, Endymion was beginning to tire of Sailor Pluto. I don't  
really know why, he was just that kind of person. So he sat her down,   
and began telling her all sorts of things. He said that although he   
loved her, this new girl and he had something special. Fate had   
decreed that they'd be together. And, naive fool that she was, she   
believed him.  
  
"But see, that wasn't all. Once he'd tricked her into giving   
him up, he kept going on about this destiny. He told Pluto that it   
was her duty, as Guardian of Time, to make sure things followed a   
certain timeline, which, by a bizarre coincidence, was exactly the   
one where he'd be happiest.  
  
"So she went off and did exactly what he said. She   
continually fulfils her 'duty' up to the present, and then later to   
the future, where he'll be king, and she'll stay Sailor Pluto. One   
day he'll get tired of his queen, and she'll get tired of being alone,   
and they'll meet in secret and fuck twice. She will be so stricken   
with guilt she will commit suicide. He will feel bad for a week, and   
go back to his life. Not a very happy ending, is it?"  
  
He couldn't get any words out.  
  
"Fortunately, that's not the way it's going to be," she   
continued. "Because not long ago Sailor Pluto realized the deception,   
and refused to continue aiding Endymion and his princess. As a   
result, she will have a much happier future. Endymion, on the other   
hand, is back to randomness. Oh sure, the rest of the senshi will keep   
doing their best, but let's be honest. Without Pluto monitoring time,   
anything can happen." She chuckled.  
  
Man #5 licked his lips. "I... I'm sorry, Setsuna," he   
murmured. "I didn't know... I..."  
"Don't take it personally," she remarked, walking out the   
door. "Just because you deserve it."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi walked out of the ice cream shop, licking her fingers  
contentedly. She started heading home, where she was to meet Rei.   
After about five meters she was grabbed from behind and dragged into   
an alley.  
  
An arm locked across her chest and another grabbed her head.   
"Don't move," a voice whispered. "Or I will snap your neck like a   
twig." The person gave off a laugh that seemed to be attempting   
evilness, but failed miserably and ended up sounding silly. "Hmmm,"   
the person muttered. "I'll have to work on that."  
  
"Wh...who are you?" Usagi stammered.  
  
"SHUT UP! I have something to say, and you're going to   
listen. I've been around a long time now. I've learned a lot of   
things, but one thing that will stay in my mind forever was my time in   
the Moon Kingdom.   
  
"Your mother loved me as a true friend, and I was her trusted   
ally. In fact, it was decreed that if the princess were to  
(tragically) die before producing an heir, I was next in line.  
  
"People are dying permenantly now, my dear friend. The Power   
of Bullshit Love and Justice can't work forever. And won't everybody   
be sad once you're gone?"  
  
Usagi was released, and looked around in confusion, but there   
was no one there.  
  



	10. The Sea

Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: The Sea  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Barbara stood outside Michiru's door, tapping her foot   
anxiously. She wondered if she'd made the right choice. Carnations   
were cheap and Michiru knew it, but the colors blended and swirled in   
a way all other flowers seemed to be jealous of. Barbara never really   
cared, but an artist like Michiru would just love it. "You're so   
creative; most people would have brought me roses! Now let us go have  
much sex and become the perfect lesbian couple!"  
  
Hopefully.  
  
What am I so nervous about? She SEES everything. That's the   
way her mind works. How could she live with me and not notice how   
much I loved her? And what about that night, for chrissake? We were   
both drunk, but she had a reason.  
  
She shut her eyes and just thought about Michiru for a little   
bit. The picture formed in her mind automatically. She could see her   
doing little things that Barbara'd watched her do during the day.   
Playing her violin, combing her hair, just WALKING from place to   
place, the memories excited the heart and made it want to beat faster.  
  
But then it disturbed her. The way she carried herself, the   
way she spoke, her manner, it was so dignified. So elegant.   
Carnations? An insult. She deserved better.  
  
Barbara turned away from the door for the third time that   
day. Yet another bouquet had failed the "perfect" test.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Michiru opened the door and peeked out. Barbara was slowly   
walking away, another pathetic bunch of flowers hanging from her hand.  
  
She sighed and closed the door. She sat in her favorite   
chair. "Hotaru," she whispered. "Hotaru, can you hear me?"  
  
There was a slight yellow glimmer, and Hotaru was sitting on   
the bed. "What is it?" she asked, slightly annoyed. "I was beating   
four drunk gods at poker."  
  
"It's Barbara again," Michiru answered. "Sorry, but you're   
the only one I know to turn to."  
  
Hotaru shook her head. "She been bugging you?"  
  
Michiru laughed suprisingly bitterly. "She's trying, but   
she's too nervous."  
  
"Remind me again, what's so wrong with her?"  
  
"I don't LIKE her!" Michiru burst out. "She's arrogant and  
judgemental and bitter. Why doesn't she get the point? I don't want   
to spend any time with her!"  
  
Hotaru frowned. "Interesting," she said. "So, you don't   
think that you could ever love her? I mean true, honest, pure love.   
One-dies-the-other-feels-really-really-bad kind of love. You don't   
think that's possible with her?"  
  
Michiru stared at her dead daughter in disgust. "No," she   
said after a minute. "I don't."  
  
Hotaru shrugged. "Okay," she said. "So why did you...  
y'know?"  
  
"I have no idea!" Michiru groaned. "I was drunk, and...   
scared of being alone, I guess. God, I was so stupid."  
  
Hotaru grinned. "She is very beautiful, isn't she? And   
handsome, too. You like butch women, right?"  
  
Michiru glared at Hotaru. "Yes," she said. "It's too bad I   
hate *HER*."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Setsuna was interrupted checking herself out in the mirror by  
Barbara walking in and collapsing face-down on the sofa.  
  
Setsuna sighed. "Just pick some flowers and give them to   
her," she snapped. "It's not hard."  
  
"Oh, shut up, Setsuna," Barbara muttered. "I don't have the  
strength to argue with you."  
  
"Well, fine. I just don't understand why she's so damn   
irresistable, anyway."  
  
Barbara looked at Setsuna as if she had just set her hair on   
fire and begun dancing about the room naked. "To Uranus, she's   
irresistable," she said, like a teacher explaining an elementary   
mathematical fact to a toddler.  
  
Setsuna rolled her eyes. "We're not Uranus anymore," she   
replied. "We were never Uranus. Please, for your own good, give up   
your pathetic dream of being Sailor Uranus."  
  
"I was a good Sailor Uranus," Barbara muttered. "And I think  
I was the original. I think I remember... she used to ride in my car  
with me. She loved it so much..."  
  
"You're an idiot," Setsuna interrupted, cheerily. She made a   
faux-supermodel pose and grinned at her sister. "Just tell me how I   
look. Hot, huh?"  
  
"I really don't want to look at you that way."  
  
"Oh, come on."  
  
Barbara glanced up and then plopped her face back down into   
the cushion. "Yes, you look fine," she said. "I suppose you're going   
out tonight."  
  
"Yep," Setsuna said proudly, touching up her lipstick. "Find   
some poor schmuck, string him along, get him in the sack, and then   
dump him, hopefully breaking his heart in the process. Just another   
Saturday night."  
  
"You truly are a disgusting person, Setsuna."  
  
Her sister grinned. "I'm not disgusting," she said. "I'm  
manipulative and cruel, but not disgusting."  
  
Barbara sat up and stared at Setsuna harshly. "Why do you do   
this?" she asked. "Who hurt you to make you want to this to all these   
people?"  
  
"Just appreciating my freedom," Setsuna replied, walking   
towards the door and giving a smarmy wink that would have seemed   
completely unlike her two weeks before.  
  
The phone rang. She stopped and answered it. "Hello?" She   
paused a second, then handed the phone to Barbara. "It's for you."  
  
Barbara did not thank her. She took the reciever, and spoke   
into it. "This is Barbara," she said. "Yeah?... What is it?...   
oh my god... how? I don't... yes, I'll be right over..."  
  
She stood up and dropped the reciever on the floor, a bizarre  
expression on her face that Setsuna wasn't sure she recognized.  
  
"One of my friends from the track is dead," she said simply.   
Then she walked quickly towards the door, but stopped halfway. "Oh   
god, he's dead," she said, as if hearing it for the first time. She   
started to run.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She came back about three hours later. She walked in slowly,   
and sat down quietly on the couch.  
  
Setsuna and Michiru were uncharacteristically kind to her,   
asking if she wanted anything to eat, hot chocolate, a warm bath, a   
cold shower, some rest, and a million other things that Barbara   
denied.  
  
After about ten minutes of sitting silently she spoke. "I had   
lunch with him last week," she muttered. "And I was mean to him. We   
were joking around, just like always, but that's how he thought of me   
when he died. He..." She broke off, terrified she might start to   
cry. Masculine women aren't supposed to cry.   
  
She looked up at the others, but only noticed one of them.   
"I learned something," she whispered. "Always let people know how you   
feel. Even if you think they do, MAKE SURE. Because one day they   
could just be gone, and you'll never get a chance."  
  
Setsuna's body felt empty. It was the unexplainable feeling.   
She'd never felt it before, but it was strong now. She saw Barbara   
stand up, take Michiru's hands in hers, and her mind burned with fury.   
She couldn't understand.  
  
"Michiru..." Barbara whispered. "There's something I have to   
tell you."  
  
Setsuna touched Michiru on the shoulder. "Michiru," she said,   
"I need to tell you something first."  
  
The door slammed. Haruka stood there, staring at all of them.  
"No," she said wildly, "I have something I need to say to Michiru."  
  
For what really could have been hours, not one of them moved.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"This isn't fair," Michiru muttered. "This isn't fair!"  
  
"I don't know why you hate it so much," Hotaru said, unpeeling   
a banana. "Just pick one. It's not hard."  
  
"You don't understand," Michiru groaned. "It's not that   
easy."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I don't know what to do. I don't love Haruka,   
but I'm connected to her. Uranusandneptune. She's part of me. And   
Setsuna... I had no idea she cared about me like that, and I still   
don't know how I feel about her, and..."  
  
Hotaru looked up at Michiru, her eyes uncharacteristically   
unhappy. "What about Barbara?" she asked.  
  
Michiru blinked. "I'm not considering her a possibility," she   
said. "I'm truly sorry I have to hurt her, but that's the way it is."  
  
"But... but you have to admit, she is awfully attractive.   
And masculine! You do like that, don't you?"  
  
"What is it with you and her?" Michiru asked. "Why do you   
keep talking about her? She's cruel. Remember the Starlights? She   
just told us all to hate them because she did. Remember when she   
wanted us all to kill you and your father? I don't want to be   
controlled by her. I don't want her to make me as heartless as she   
is."  
  
Hotaru sighed. "Okay," she said. "Imagine there's somebody   
who loves... macaroni and cheese. In fact, they love it so much,   
they can never be happy unless they're eating it. All the rest of the   
time, they're cranky and mean to everybody. But they've never had   
macaroni and cheese. So that side of them can never show. Everyone   
just thinks that the angry part is their entire personality. But if   
they could only eat piles of macaroni and cheese every day, then   
everyone around them would be better off. You see what I'm saying?"  
  
Michiru blinked. "You've really been getting weird since you   
died."  
  
"YOU try being murdered and see if YOU'RE psychologically   
healthy afterwards. Anyway, you get it?"  
  
"No. But I think you were talking about Barbara, and I wish   
you'd stop."  
  
Hotaru finished her banana. The peelings faded into thin   
air. "Okay," she muttered. "Fine. But what about Setsuna? She's   
much worse than Barbara ever was. You know what she does, don't you?   
She goes out and hurts people every night. She likes it."  
  
"Yes, but whenever I'm around her, she's so nervous and sweet.   
She won't do that to me."  
  
"I wouldn't be so sure," Hotaru muttered. "Well, then there's  
Haruka. Have you noticed that she's... y'know... insane?"  
  
Michiru glared at her. "We all have our faults, Hotaru," she   
said seriously. "We have to accept them and move on. I, for example,   
do get obsessive about my appearance. I'm fine with that. Don't take   
this personally, but you can be annoying, with your ridiculous   
cuteness. Setsuna at first was boring and now she's sadistic,   
Barbara's always drinking and yelling at people she thinks are   
inferior for some reason, and Haruka's a paranoid schizophrenic.  
And we're ALL LESBIANS." She sat down, depressed. "My god, we're a   
pack of freaks."  
  
"Hey, I got a boyfriend up there," Hotaru grunted, pointing   
at the ceiling sharply.  
  
Michiru raised an eyebrow. "Really? Who?"  
  
Hotaru shook her head. "I'm not telling you. You called me  
annoying."  
  
Michiru rested her forehead in her hands. "I feel like I'm   
going crazy," she groaned. "I need some sleep."  
  
"Okay," Hotaru said, cheerful again. "See ya."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The mirror flickered to life.  
  
Haruka paced back and forth, shaking her head and pulling at   
the bottom of her shirt unconciously.  
  
"What if," she was muttering. "What if... what if... what   
if..."  
  
Oh god, I'll die.  
  
"She keeps me in. She saved me. Oh god, I'll die. I'll die.   
I'll die..."  
  
She stopped, tugging harder. "I need her," she murmured.   
"There's no love. I NEED her."  
  
Her shirt ripped.  
  
She stared down at it dumbly. Water began to drip down on it,   
as she continued to pace.  
  
  
  
  
The mirror flickered to life.  
  
Setsuna stood on the balcony, staring off into the sunset.   
She barely moved, except to bring the cigarette up to her lips and   
back down.  
  
The world turned, the sun went down, Setsuna lit another   
cigarette. For hours she sat there, just watching the world from her   
faraway vantage point, free and secure.  
  
It was a short-lived illusion. Somebody called her name, and  
she remembered that she was a person with a body and a voice, and   
others knew she existed. Her only hope for happiness was to make the   
most of it.  
  
One person, ONE PERSON ever cared about her at all. But was   
it all a lie? Was she just fucking around with her? She...  
  
Setsuna picked up her ashtray and smashed it on the balcony   
railing. She put a hand to her forehead, and made a concious effort   
to breathe more slowly. She found it exceedingly difficult.  
  
"I can't go back," she said softly, painfully aware she was   
talking to herself again. She'd been doing it for years. Somebody   
had to keep her company.  
  
"I don't want to talk to you anymore," she said. "And I'm not   
going to. Whatever happens... whatever she does... I can't be alone.   
I can't."  
  
She looked around her.  
  
Her cheeks were wet.  
  
  
  
  
  
The mirror flickered to life.  
  
Barbara sat in the corner, her knees pulled tight to her body.  
  
She was in a dirty T-shirt and shorts. She hadn't changed for  
several days.  
  
Once in a while she'd look at the ceiling, sigh slightly, and  
whisper a single word (a single name) silently.  
  
Then she'd shrink into herself, as if afraid to even hope, and   
bury her face in her knees. Salty water rolled down her legs.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Michiru stood in a shadowy place. Her eyes couldn't see   
anything but the wind and the nothing all around her. Her arms were   
stretched out over her head, and she could feel something in her   
hands, something pushing, and moving.  
  
It was a strain to look up. He neck didn't want to move, but  
eventually it gave and she tilted her head back and saw what she was  
holding.  
  
It was Haruka. She was yelling something, but it was all lost   
in the powerful gale that Michiru suddenly realized was about to push   
her over. She looked frantically in the direction of its source, and   
saw Setsuna, her hair whipping around her body, making her nothing but   
a swirling mass of green. She was smiling.  
  
Barbara was behind her breathing the wind, eyes closed and   
hair completely still. Her stance was strong, and before her lay the   
corpses of everyone she hated without reason.  
  
Michiru went down. Haruka landed several feet away, in a   
perfect crouch. She looked at her former supporter and ally with   
utter hatred.   
  
All three advanced. Michiru curled up into a ball, sobbing   
and mumbling. "No! Please... I tried! Please..."  
  
  
She woke up, not sweating, not screaming, not sitting bolt   
upright and staring off into space for a few seconds. She opened her   
eyes, rolled onto her back, and just lay there, thinking. There was   
only one solution, she knew. And if she didn't, she would soon.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh my god," Michiru muttered. "This is ridiculous."  
  
Hotaru smirked. "I agree. So, which one are you gonna   
choose?"  
  
Michiru stood up and walked to the window. "I don't need   
this," she said softly. "I don't need these people... loving me so   
much."   
"What's that supposed to mean?" Hotaru asked. "Love saves us.   
Love and justice. It saved me. The first and second times, anyway.   
Third time, I kinda got screwed, but that was an exception..."  
  
Michiru began to laugh. Hysterical, shreiking, gasping ha ha   
ha's. She looked at Hotaru, her eyes sparkling. "Forget them all," she said happily.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard what I said." A few seconds of laughter. "I don't   
want anyone to depend on me. I don't want to depend on them. I'm not   
going to let any of them dominate me."  
  
Hotaru didn't say anything.  
  
"MY GOD!!" Michiru suddenly burst out. "It's so damn   
beautiful outside!"  
  
She walked closer to Hotaru. "It's just me," she whispered,  
grinning. "It's not someone-and-me. I'm the most important one here.   
Forget them all."  
  
Hotaru refused to meet her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Michiru," she  
muttered. "But it's not your choice anymore."  
  
Michiru's stomach turned to vomit-soaked cotton. She turned   
to Hotaru, trembling. "What?"  
  
"Stability," Hotaru said softly. "That's the most important   
thing. Teams. Partnerships. Love. Bonds. The gods like those   
kinds of things; the kinds of things that schoolgirls dream about."  
  
Michiru shook her head. "No," she murmured. "No. I said   
no."  
  
"They don't care about you. They care about someone-and-you.   
I'm sorry. They're going to make their changes and fix everything.  
This whole thing has been a disaster from day one. They're doing this   
for YOU, y'know. They want you to be happy."  
  
Hotaru's eyes flashed. "It's love and justice," she   
whispered, in a sincere attempt to make everything okay. Michiru   
screamed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Michiru woke up sweating, screaming, sitting bolt upright and  
staring off into space for a few seconds. Somoene was holding her.  
  
"Ssshhhh." A soothing, warm, deep voice. "I'm here, Michiru.   
It's just a bad dream."  
  
"Oh god," Michiru sobbed. "Haruka!"  
  
She calmed down quickly. "I'm sorry, Haruka," she muttered,  
embarrassed. "It was the most terrible dream... I couldn't stand it.   
I didn't mean to wake you up."  
  
"It's okay." Haruka embraced her even tighter, rubbing the   
bare shoulders softly with her strong hands. "Tell me what happened."  
  
Michiru tightened the lock even more. "It's horrible. I   
dreamt that we were arguing, and..." she hissed a small chuckle.   
"It's so stupid, I shouldn't be upset about a dream."  
  
"It's all right, Michiru. Please, tell me what happened. We   
were arguing, and..."  
  
"...And you got angry, and you went to Setsuna, and the two of   
you... murdered me."  
  
Haruka did not reply for a few moments. Michiru released the   
embrace and looked away. "See, I told you it was just a silly dream."  
  
Haruka placed her hand so softly on her lover's cheek. "It's not silly if it made you upset."   
  
They kissed. Michiru's shallow breathing was silenced.  
  
They parted. Michiru looked up at her love, at those intense   
green eyes she adored so much.  
  
"Do you trust me?" Haruka's face was serious.  
  
Michiru nodded.  
  
"Do you think you can sleep?"  
  
No. "I think so."  
  
"Okay." Haruka leaned over and kissed her again, then lay   
down to go to sleep.  
  
Michiru did not sleep that night, but she stayed quiet anyway. She lay awake, loved and in love, listening to Haruka's soft breath: in and out, in and out, in and out. Loved and in love. 


	11. Evil

Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: Evil  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Setsuna faced the wall. The paper was light blue and finely   
striped. A more imaginative person could probably have seen whole   
worlds in the pattern, even distorted silhouettes to keep her company,   
but Setsuna could visualize none of that. She just sat and stared.  
  
Hotaru appeared behind her. "Whatcha doing?" she asked   
brightly.  
  
"Nothing," Setsuna muttered.   
  
"That's not true," Hotaru replied, eternally keeping her   
upbeat attitude. "You've been here three days, Setsuna. Not even   
you could just sit there doing nothing for that long."  
  
There was silence for a minute. "Fine. I've been thinking,"   
Setsuna answered finally.  
  
"What about?"  
  
Again, there was a pause. Eventually Setsuna turned around   
and looked at Hotaru. There was no expression at all on her face.   
"Michiru," she said softly.  
  
"Still? I thought you said you were going to get over her.   
I mean, technically none of... you and her... actually ever happened.   
The gods erased it. You, me, and they are the only ones who remember   
it."  
  
Setsuna was silent. "Okay," she agreed eventually. "I   
wasn't thinking about her."  
  
"Well, then what were you thinking about?"  
  
"Endymion."  
  
"Oh my god," Hotaru muttered with disgust. "What the hell is   
the matter with you?"   
  
Setsuna didn't respond.  
  
"Michiru I can understand," Hotaru continued. "She's your   
friend. She's kind to you. It fits that you'd attatch yourself to   
her. Him, on the other hand, I just don't see."  
  
"Hotaru, shut up."  
  
"Don't say that. If I shut up we'd just be sitting here in   
silence."  
  
"Fine with me."  
  
They sat in silence. Hotaru shuffled her feet uncomfortably.   
Setsuna lay down and looked at the ceiling for a while. "Hey,   
Hotaru," she said after a few minutes, "I've decided to become evil."  
  
"What?" Hotaru asked, disappoined. "Why?"  
  
"Bitterness and jealousy. The usual."  
  
"But that's not enough," Hotaru pointed out. "That's enough   
to hate somebody, but evil? Pure evil? That's a million times what   
you're feeling." She went over to Setsuna and knelt beside her. "You   
don't want to be evil," she said. "Trust me. You have no idea what   
you lose. All the time you can feel something just... consuming you   
and you feel like you should fight it off, but you can't, because it's   
what you are. Do you understand?"  
  
"No," Setsuna answered blankly. "But it doesn't matter. I   
need something. I've never been alive, do you know that? Never."  
  
"Setsuna... are you okay? You're not making much sense."  
  
"Why the hell should I?" Setsuna snapped. "I've been making   
sense my entire life, and what has it gotten me?"  
  
Hotaru couldn't think of a thing.  
  
"I haven't slept in six hundred and forty-eight years, Hotaru.   
Do you know what happens when I try?"  
  
"Setsuna..."  
  
"I dream. I see myself just standing in an empty room, and it   
looks normal, but I know I'm in the future somehow. I just look   
around, and fall to my knees, and start sobbing. That's all I do.   
Once in a while, I'll get frustrated and start yelling and screaming,   
but it doesn't do any good."  
  
"Setsuna, you never told me anything about this."  
  
The woman ignored her dead friend's statement. "The last time   
before I decided not to sleep anymore, he came. He just stood over me   
while I wept, and looked at me with those eyes, and smiled so   
tenderly, and I looked up and thought he was going to..." She shook   
her head to keep from getting distracted. "Anyway, he didn't. He   
grabbed me by the hair, and told me to shut up. And of course I   
couldn't, so he hit me over and over, and started... choking me,   
and... then I woke up, and saw that I had been strangling myself. I   
can't do this anymore, Hotaru."  
  
"Do WHAT? I don't understand!"  
  
"I can't keep doing anything for them. I've been doing it my   
whole life, and it's going to drive me crazy. I used to think   
that if I did my job, I would be rewarded with happiness. I deserved   
it, and since the world was such a fair place, I'd get it. God, I was   
such a fool.  
  
"I have no idea what happiness is, Hotaru. I know I felt   
something when I was with Michiru, but it could have been   
constipation, for all I know. My entire goddamn existence has been   
dominated by bland, watered-down depression. Sometimes, like when we   
were dead, it's less intense than others, but it's always there, and   
it's always everything."  
  
"But you can do something about that, can't you?" Hotaru   
asked, beginning to get a bit scared. "You can do whatever you   
want now."  
  
"We're not talking about me!" Setsuna suddenly yelled.   
"We're talking about them! It's their rules I've had to live by, and   
their happiness I've been watching. The other thing I was always   
taught, was that love was the only thing that would save us. Even   
when everything else had forsaken us, It would remain and sustain us   
through the difficult times."   
  
She looked up, her eyes filled with tears. "That's the way it   
is with everyone else, isn't it? I've watched Harukaandmichiru.   
I've watched them for weeks at a time, when I've had nothing else to   
do.   
"I've loved twice. One was declared unfit for existence, and   
the other is forbidden. It's THEIR GODDAMN RULES!" She looked around,   
confused and suprised at her own intensity. "I've got to stop before   
it kills me," she continued. "I've got to do something for me, and   
not them, and evil's the only thing I can think of."  
  
"Please," Hotaru said. "I'm begging you. Don't do this."  
  
"I've already decided, Hotaru. I was never asking your   
permission, anyway."  
  
"So why are you telling me about this?"  
  
Setsuna licked her lips. "Because I want you to join me. I   
want you to be evil with me."  
  
"Setsuna..."  
  
"No, hear me out. This whole thing fucked you, too. Their   
rules made me kill you, and it's because of their little pecking order   
that you're still dead. If you were Usagi, don't you think you'd have   
been brought back to life in a second? We can change it, Hotaru.   
Together."  
  
Hotaru looked at her. She was completely serious. "I'm   
sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry. I can't."  
  
"But why? You..."  
  
"I just can't, Setsuna! I'm happy. You can't be evil when   
you're happy."  
  
Setsuna closed her eyes, causing a tear to roll down her right   
cheek. She wiped it away blankly. "Do I at least have your support?"   
she asked.  
  
Hotaru didn't answer. She stuttered for a few seconds, but   
then gave up and shook her head.  
  
Yet another silence.  
  
"Get out," Setsuna growled.  
  
"But Setsuna, I..."  
  
"GET OUT! And don't ever come to me again!"  
  
A tear rolled down Hotaru's left cheek. She disappeared.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Professor Tomoe looked up. He smiled with his lips.   
"Setsuna! Glad to see you!" No, he wasn't. "Do you want anything   
to drink?"  
  
"No," she said politely. "How are you doing? The last time I   
saw you, you seemed in pretty bad shape. About Hotaru's death, I   
mean."  
  
He looked up sharply. She gave off an innocent smile, taking   
pleasure in the fact that he knew she'd just delibrately caused him   
pain. "I'm fine," he said shortly. "Just fine."  
  
"That's good," she said. They weren't looking at each other.  
  
"Um... why did you come here?" he asked.   
  
"I need to talk to you," she said.  
  
"Okay. Please make it quick. As you can see, I have a lot   
of work to do." He indicated the short stack of papers on his desk.   
  
She smiled. "I'm evil now," she said.   
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm evil now," she said a bit louder. "Anti-good. Scourge   
of love and justice, and all that bullshit. I need to come up with an   
impressive way of putting it."  
  
He leaned back in his chair, pondering if anyone would hear   
him if suddenly it became necessary to scream at the top of his lungs.   
"Okay," he said slowly. "Setsuna... I've been going to see somebody   
for a while now. Maybe you should... y'know, think about it."  
  
She laughed. Fake, like normal. "You think I'm crazy," she   
said. "But I'm not. I'm EVIL. There's a huge difference."  
  
"Yes, but why are you telling me this?" he asked, staring at   
her suspiciously.  
  
"I want you to join me," she said. "I wan't you to be evil   
with me."  
  
He checked possible escape routes and calculated his chances   
of getting away if she attacked him. Bad, he realized. Very bad.   
"Setsuna, do you know what you're saying?" he asked. "You're saying   
you're... evil. And you want me to be evil with you." She nodded.   
"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave," he said   
apprehensively. "If you don't mind."  
  
She laughed falsely again. "I thought you'd resist. But you   
don't understand. You've had experience with my side, haven't you?   
Even if you were possessed. Don't you ever miss it?"  
  
"No, I can't say that I ever do. Now please, Setsuna, leave   
me alone. I..."  
  
"One more thing," she said quickly. "Just let me tell you one   
more thing, and then if you still want me to leave, I'll go."  
  
He decided that it was better than death, and nodded.  
  
She smiled. "I didn't tell you the truth about what happened   
to Hotaru," she said. "We decided that it would be best to spare your   
feelings. She didn't die in a hit-and-run. She was possessed by   
Pharoah 90, and it was decided that, to ensure that he couldn't   
achieve his goals, the only way was to... kill her. So we chose a   
time when she was asleep, and there'd be little pain, and Usagi went   
up and did her magic... whatever her power is, and just murdered her.   
I didn't want her to do it, but she said it was the only way." She   
leaned forward. "That is what we're fighting against," she   
whispered. "THAT cruelty. THAT brand of 'Love and Justice.' Will   
you come with me?"  
  
Throughout her speech his face hadn't shifted from disbelief   
to horror to grief to anger. Instead, he grew increasingly amused.   
He laughed. It was real. "You really don't respect my intelligence,   
do you?" he asked, grinning. "She visits me too, Setsuna. And she   
told me what really happened. You can stop wasting your time here.   
The door is behind you." He started working on his papers, refusing   
to look up. A few minutes later he heard the door slam.  
  
He closed his eyes and let in a deep breath of relief. "Good   
for you, Poppa," someone said behind him. "Good for you."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rei grinned. "So, Mako-chan, what's this I hear about you   
meeting somebody, hmmm?"  
  
Makoto raised an eyebrow. "You've been talking to Minako."  
  
"Mmm-hmm. Now c'mon, spill."  
  
Makoto crossed her arms and glared at her friend. "You're   
gossipy today."  
  
"Well, we're done with our work for the day, aren't we?" Rei   
replied brightly. "And Usagi-chan and Ami-chan want to know, too,   
but they were too embarrassed to ask, so I have to report back to them   
later."  
  
Makoto rolled her eyes. "You're all out to get me, aren't   
you?"  
  
Rei grinned again. "Yep. So, what's she like?"  
  
"She's really nice," Makoto replied, not batting an eyelid.   
Lying came so easily to her, which was odd because she never used to   
do it before. "I... um, well, I met her in my shrink's waiting room."  
  
"You're kidding, right?" Rei chuckled.  
  
"Stop that," Makoto grumbled. "It's not how it sounds."  
  
"Good," Rei replied, "because it sounds absolutely   
insane."  
  
"No, she's really sweet. And there's nothing wrong with her.   
She just wanted to go over some things, okay? So stop thinking that."  
  
Rei tried to look innocent. "Me? What would I be thinking?   
So, when she kisses you, do you feel sparks? Electroshock therapy?"  
  
"Ha ha ha," Makoto grunted. She once again marveled at how   
open-minded and forgiving her friends were, and how much she hated   
them for it. "It's not a joke. Things are really going well between   
us, okay?"  
  
Rei rolled her eyes and was about to say something, but   
realized that Makoto was staring up behind her. She turned around and   
saw Setsuna standing there.  
  
"May I speak with you for a moment, Rei?" she asked  
  
Rei found it impossible to say no, and nodded. "Um... excuse   
me, Mako-chan."  
  
"Sure," Makoto said. "See you tomorrow." She headed for the   
door.  
  
"Goodbye, Makoto," Setsuna said. "Enjoy the pasta primavera   
you're going to eat for dinner tonight. And I'm sure you'll have fun   
tomorrow night, which will be the first time you and your new, heh,   
'girl'friend have sex." She waved cheerily. Makoto stopped, blinked,   
shrugged, and walked out the door.  
  
"What's this about?" Rei asked. "Something happened?   
Something going to happen?"  
  
"No," Setsuna said, giving off a little chuckle. "Nothing   
like that." She looked at the younger senshi carefully. "We're very   
alike," she mused. "Much more so than you may think."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"We're both observers," Setsuna said. "We just watch, without   
ever bringing ourselves to force any changes. It's what we're used   
to."  
  
"Um, Setsuna," Rei said. "Are you sure you..."  
  
"But don't you ever get the urge to fight back? Just do   
whatever the hell you want to whomever the hell you want?"  
  
"I..." Rei began, but Setsuna cut her off.  
  
"No. Wait. That's not you. That's Luna. Damn." She   
sighed, and closed her eyes, thinking hard. "Oh!" she said, looking   
up. "I'm sorry. Let me start over. Ahem. You have a very strong   
will, don't you? You don't want anybody to play around with you.   
Right?"  
  
"I suppose."  
  
"Well, in that way we're opposites. Or, we used to be, but   
I'll get to that later. I let people like Queen Serenity order me   
around, and I followed their commands without question. You, on the   
other hand, couldn't take that, could you? I mean, you'll take   
orders, but only when you truly believe in the end goal. You have   
your own mind. I always envied that about you."  
  
"Thank you," Rei said, absolutely bewildered about what this   
was all about.  
  
Setsuna smiled. "However," she continued. "If you don't mind   
my saying so, you are a bit naive. You've heard that cliche about   
power corrupting haven't you? Well, it's true. I've seen it happen   
many, many times."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So Usagi might be your friend now, but what about when she's   
the queen? Only a fool would believe she'd stay the same. I think   
it'll be quite a shock when she suddenly starts saying, 'Do whatever I   
say, Mars.' 'Go die on the battlefield for me, Mars.' It happened to   
her mother, Rei. And it'll happen to her."  
  
Rei looked up at this impossibly respectable person in   
confusion. "Well..." she said slowly. "Even if I did believe you,   
which I don't, why are you telling me this? What do you want me to do  
about it?"  
  
"We can stop her. Together."  
  
"What do you mean, stop her? What are you talking about?"  
  
"Before she becomes queen." Setsuna couldn't help the smile   
that grew on her face. "We have to STOP her." She looked down as the   
meaning of her words took effect.  
  
Rei was speechless. Her eyes were larger than normal, her   
mouth hung open in horror as if she'd just heard the most terrible   
thing she could imagine, which, of course, she had.  
  
"It's the only way," Setsuna said. "I've seen the future, and   
it's the only way to save us, and the world. Will you help me?"  
  
As stated before, Rei was speechless.  
  
"Don't let what you've been taught stop you now," Setsuna   
continued. "I trust you with this knowledge, because you're the one I   
believe is strong enough to do this with me. Plus... there is another   
reason."  
  
"What?" Rei asked weakly.  
  
"Revenge." Setsuna leaned closer. "He did the same thing to   
me."  
  
Rei looked up, confused. "Who? What are you talking about?   
I thought we were talking about Usagi, I thought..."  
  
"Endymion," Setsuna whispered. "He hurt me just like he hurt   
you."  
  
"Hurt me? Setsuna, he never hurt me!"  
  
"He left you alone." Setsuna was looking at nothing while she   
spoke. "All alone."  
  
"I'm not alone, Setsuna!" Rei protested. "I never have been!   
I didn't care about him that much, I mean, it didn't hurt me to let   
him go with Usagi. Because... they were happy." She suddenly looked   
up, determined. "I can't help you," she said. "I don't care what you   
say about the future or anything else."  
  
"You don't understand!" Setsuna hissed. "He left you alone,   
remember? He has to pay!"  
  
Rei inhaled with understanding. "My god, Setsuna, is this the   
only reason you wanted to..." she couldn't finish the sentence. "Just   
out of petty revenge?"  
  
"No," Setsuna answered. "That's not all. It's also   
because... I'm evil now, Rei. Evil."  
  
Rei blinked. "What are you talking about? You're not evil."  
  
"I am now," Setsuna said proudly.  
  
"No, I mean, you're not evil. I'd feel it if you were evil."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Setsuna asked, her face   
beginning to fall. "Of course I'm evil. I've been evil for five   
days."  
  
"No, you haven't." Rei would have laughed had this not been   
such a strange situation. "Trust me. I can feel your aura, or   
whatever it's called, and it's not evil. It's just empty."  
  
Empty.  
  
"But the...but...I...NO! Evil! I..." Setsuna eventually   
gave up trying to complete a phrase and stormed out of the room.  
  
Rei considered trying to figure out what had just happened,   
but it sent a chill up her spine just to think about it.  
  
Makoto peeked her head around the corner and glanced around  
the room. "Is she gone?"  
  
Rei jumped. "Mako-chan! You startled me." She quickly   
walked over and put her arm around Makoto, speaking softly into her   
ear and looking around furtively. "Did you overhear what Setsuna-san   
said?"  
  
"Uh, no. But I was wondering, she was acting so odd."  
  
Rei shook her head. "No, not odd. It's more than that. She   
was... scary. Mako-chan, she said the most horrible things." She   
was on the verge of tears all of sudden, remembering.  
  
Makoto, bewildered but assured, wrapped her arms around her   
friend. "It's okay, Rei-chan," she whispered, trying to ignore her   
already-soaked shoulder. "What was it? Is a new enemy attacking?   
You know no one can stand up to us. We're senshi!"  
  
Rei's tears were flowing like whitewater, but she was not   
sobbing, not yet. Still, try as she might, she could not make herself   
answer the question.  
  
Minutes later, Rei pulled away and wiped her eyes and nose.   
She looked up at Makoto with an uncharacteristic, helpless expression.   
"Please don't tell Usagi-chan I cried," she said.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Setsuna stood alone in her room, eyes closed and desperately   
trying to keep control of her emotions. "Pluto," she whispered. No   
response. "Pluto, come here." a little louder. Still no response.  
"PLUTO!!"  
  
A small shimmer, and her god was there, annoyed as always.   
"What is it?" he asked. "I'm busy."  
  
"Why aren't I evil?" she demanded. "I decided days ago that I   
was, but I'm not! What the hell's going on?"  
  
He shook his head. "Wonderful," he muttered. "She's getting   
worse."  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Nothing. Oog, my head hurts. Why couldn't I have had a sane   
senshi? Like Mercury. Why couldn't I have had Mercury's senshi?"  
  
Setsuna glared at him. "Bad luck," she growled. "Now shut up   
about your problems, and tell me why I'm NOT EVIL!!"  
  
"Why do you want to be evil, anyway?" he asked. "You're   
supposed to be enjoying yourself, not fucking around with the   
alignment of your soul. Why can't you just shut up and be happy,   
like the rest of them?"  
  
"Too late," she murmured. "It's your fault for freeing me too   
late. Anything that happens from now on is your fault."  
  
"The hell it is." He sighed. "I won't stop you, but anything   
stupid you try to do will be your problem."  
  
"Fine. I accept that. I accepted everything about this five   
days ago. So why hasn't it worked?"  
  
"You can't just go around saying you're evil and expect it to   
be true," Pluto grunted. "You need to DO something evil. That's what  
matters."  
  
"I have evil plans," she protested.  
  
"Yeah, well those mean shit, baby. You have to actually carry   
them out to mean something. You can't just stall, like you've been   
doing. You WERE planning on actually going through with your plans,   
weren't you?"  
  
"Of course," she said. "Why wouldn't I?"  
  
Pluto grinned. "Because you're scared."  
  
"I'm not..."  
  
"It's a big change. Anyone would be frightened. Or are you   
just worried that you couldn't stomach what you plan on doing?"  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about," she said stiffly.   
"It's nothing I haven't done before."  
  
"Yes, but then you were sure you were doing the best thing.   
What about now? You have to be absolutely positive, or you'll be   
taking that short trip to Loonyland within a few weeks."  
  
"I'm sure," Setsuna said. "Believe me, I'm sure."  
  
"Of course you are," Pluto said doubtfully. "I suggest you   
prove it. Give it a test run. Then you'll know."  
  
"What do you mean, test run? What should I do?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know. Go kill somebody or something. Use your   
imagination, but make sure it's complete and total evil." He looked   
around suddenly. "Yeah," he muttered to someone who wasn't Setsuna.   
"Hold on. Just a second." He lookes at his senshi again. "I gotta   
go. Get back to me about this, okay?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
He nodded. "See ya," he said, scratching his ass as he   
disappeared.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Setsuna was confused. She wanted more than anything tobe   
evil, but was it worth the sacrifice? Losing everything but the   
darkness... emptiness is better than pain.  
  
But what the hell kind of life is that?  
  
She smiled, ready and willing to prove herself. She walked to   
her door, opened it, and took a deep breath, something tickling her   
ear drums teasingly.  
  
Voices from the next room, soft musical deep harsh beautiful.  
  
Harukaandmichiru.  
  
Setsuna smiled and took the first step towards their door. 


	12. The Beginning

Secondary Characters: The Beginning  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Simplicity. That was the key. Anyone can do anything, as   
long as it's simple enough.  
  
Don't mess around with super-powers or traps or dramatic,   
drawn-out schemes.  
  
Just quick and easy. Bang. Bang. And it's done.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Four people can often live in one body. We're being symbolic,   
here.   
  
First, there's the appearance to the outside world. Loved or   
at least respected by all. Strong, focused, witty, handsome, in   
control. Partly a lie.  
  
Then, there's the game-face. The person who comes out when   
the shit hits the fan. Intense, harsh, bitter, in control. Again,   
partly a lie.  
  
Next is the one who's only for those closest to the whole   
person. The friend, the lover, the father. Kind, happy, loving, in   
control. Kind of a lie.  
  
Finally, there's the sincere one. The one that's never shown   
to anybody (maybe one person). The painful, pained one. Always   
hidden, but impossible to keep down forever. It surfaces once in a   
while, reminding the rest of the futility of life and its many   
disappointments, how everything, no matter how blissful it might have   
seemed at the time, has been a failure. A lie. Sometimes.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Haruka sat in the corner, rubbing her dirty hands all over her   
face, making a futile effort to force the tears away by wiping them   
through her short blond hair. It didn't work. Nothing worked.  
  
Michiru was, of course, right there beside her. "It's okay,"   
she kept saying. "It's okay."  
  
And Haruka's response to that was always, "No." And she was   
right. It, whatever It was, was not okay.  
  
"I'm so horrible," she muttered. "So...evil. I shouldn't be   
alive! I...I don't..."  
  
"Hush, Haruka," Michiru said soothingly. "You know that's not   
true."  
  
"I hurt people," Haruka sobbed. "I've let them die! I've let   
you die! Oh god, how could I be so cruel?"  
  
"You're not cruel."  
  
"It's all I ever am! It's all I can be!"  
  
"That's not true," Michiru murmured. "If it was, would I love   
you?"  
  
Haruka shook her head. "You don't love me. You can't!" She   
looked up, tear streaks both down and up her face. "I don't deserve   
you!"  
  
"Sshhhh," Michiru whispered. "I love you. You know that. I   
couldn't live without you."  
  
"My god," Haruka said with genuine awe. "You're so beautiful.   
How could you love someone like me? I've been terrible to you. I've   
mistreated you, controlled you, hurt you... I beat the shit out of you   
sometimes..."  
  
"You haven't done any of that!" Michiru exclaimed, tears   
beginning to come to her eyes as well.  
  
"I've brought you nothing but pain," Haruka said harshly.   
"I'm such a failure. All I ever wanted was to make you happy! You'd   
be better off if you'd never met me!"  
  
"No, no, please, Haruka, don't say that."  
  
"You're so beautiful," Haruka whispered again. "I... I don't   
know what I'd do if I didn't have you. Did I ever tell you about my   
dreams, Michiru?"  
  
"What dreams?"  
  
"The ones where you... die." She paused miserably.  
  
"Tell me, Haruka," Michiru said softly.  
  
Haruka closed her eyes, forcing more tears out. "It always   
starts the same. We're happy together, at the beach, or playing   
music, or going shopping or something, but then...oh god, this is   
horrible! It's always different, how you're killed. Sometimes you   
drown. Sometimes it's fighting a monster, or a car wreck, or   
something. But whenever it happens, I can't stand it, I just sit by   
myself in my room, without eating or bathing, all by myself, and I   
just feel so...empty and torn apart. Usually Setsuna tries to help   
me, but she can't do anything. Nobody can. Sometimes I even... kill   
myself to be with you."  
  
Michiru gasped. "Haruka, you wouldn't..."  
  
"It doesn't do anything," Haruka said. "I can't do anything.   
I'm completely helpless. We exist to fix the bad things, but nothing   
bad ever happens! And when it does, I'm helpless, forever helpless!"  
  
Michiru tried to say something reassuring, but couldn't think   
of a thing. "It's okay," she said eventually. "It's okay." She   
didn't want Haruka to hit her.  
  
"But then you come back." Haruka smiled in rememberance.   
"You always come back, every single time, no matter what. And when   
you do, I'm so happy, I can't... it's like I'm filled, and not alone   
anymore.  
  
"I've had so many of them they all run together. You just die   
over and over and over and over. I can't even remember most anymore.   
All I know is the difference you make.   
  
"It's like the other dreams. I see myself before we met, and   
I'm alone and messed up. But them I meet you, and you save me. Oh   
god, I DON'T DESERVE YOU!" She began sobbing again.  
  
Michiru embraced her. "I have the same dreams, Haruka," she   
murmured. "It's awful, I know, but it's not going to happen. We're   
always going to be together, like we are now. You were right, we live   
in a world where bad things don't happen. We'll always be together."  
  
Haruka sniffled, trying to control her tears. She didn't have   
nearly enough energy, so they continued to flow.  
  
Michiru led her to the bed. "Come on," she said softly.   
"Let's go to sleep."  
  
They lay down together. Michiru held her lover as tears   
soaked into the sheets and Haruka slowly cried herself to sleep.  
  
And she began to dream of a world where bad things happened,   
and love and justice didn't always win in the end.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Setsuna stood in the doorway, watching the two she loved   
(hated). Michiru looked up. She saw her friend, and smiled.  
  
"Haruka's asleep," she whispered. "I think she'll be okay in   
the morning."  
  
Setsuna wasn't listening. She studied the beautiful (you   
don't care) face of the young, kind, talented, intelligent, loving...  
  
(She's the test. Her, then the world. You're not weak, are   
you?)  
  
"Michiru," she murmured. "I... I'm not sorry."  
  
Michiru's face was confused, but her eyes showed the truth.   
Respect, friendship, love.  
  
With one quick motion Setsuna raised a shotgun and fired.   
  
Bang.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She wasn't sure if it was the noise or the motion. Maybe   
neither. Maybe her mind knew before her ears.  
  
Whatever the reason, she woke up.  
  
Stage 1: Denial.  
  
"No," she said. "No. No. No. No..." She stared at the   
blood around her stupidly, before even noticing the body.  
  
When she did see it, the reaction was truly incredible.  
  
Setsuna grinned. She raised the gun, studying Haruka's face   
carefully. Pain. That was all that was there. Pain.  
  
Setsuna grinned wider.  
  
Bang.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rei's eyes popped open. She stood up and walked to the   
window, staring out intently, but not seeing anything.  
  
"My god," she whispered. "She's done it. She's actually   
done it."  
  
She shivered. The others would have to know.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Pluto sat on his throne, eating a soft pretzel. His cell   
phone rang. Rolling his eyes, he pulled it out of his pocket and put   
it to his ear. "Yes, Death, what is it?" he asked.  
  
A raspy, annoyed voice came across the other side. "I've got   
a problem up here. I think you'd better come."  
  
Pluto sighed. "Listen, ALLEGORICAL FIGURE," he said darkly.   
"We GODS don't appreciate being bothered. This had better be pretty   
damn good."  
  
He beeped the phone off and disappeared.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Haruka drummed her fingers on the desk. This was getting   
boring.  
  
"Pluto's on his way," Death said. "He should be able to   
straighten this whole thing out."  
  
"He'd better," Haruka grunted.   
  
Michiru nudged Haruka. "I'm sorry," she said to Death.   
"She's just had kind of a hard night."  
  
"I understand," the smiling skull empathized. "This process   
can be stressful for anyone."  
  
Michiru smiled politely, and Haruka did nothing. They sat in   
silence for a few minutes, until Pluto walked in.  
  
"Man, Death, can't you handle routine pick-ups after all these   
years? What's the matter with..." he trailed off, looking at Haruka   
and Michiru with slight recognition. "Um... are you guys Sailors   
Neptune and Uranus?" he asked.  
  
Haruka glared at him. "Yes," Michiru answered.  
  
Pluto blinked. "How did this happen?" he asked. "This   
definately is not supposed to be."  
  
"Your damn senshi killed us," Haruka growled.  
  
Pluto shook his head. "I knew it," he muttered. "I KNEW no   
good could come from this evil thing of hers."  
  
"What should we do with them?" Death asked. "Send them their   
respective ways?"  
  
"We want to stay together," Haruka said.   
  
"Right. I forgot. So, should we ship them down with you?   
Send them back?"  
  
"No," Pluto said harshly. "We're NOT going to be sending them  
back." He started walking away. "Just keep them here until I figure   
out what to do." He took out his cellular phone. "Gotta call a   
meeting with the other planet gods..." He disappeared through the   
doorway. A few minutes later, Death followed without a word.  
  
"Michiru?"  
  
"Yes, Haruka?"  
  
"I have the feeling we're going to be getting screwed by all   
of this."  
  
"I know," Michiru said. "I know."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They didn't believe her at first. Setsuna? Evil? Yeah,   
right.  
  
"Listen," Rei said. "I told you, she came to me yesterday  
and told me she'd decided to be evil!"  
  
"Hmmm," Minako said thoughtfully. "Maybe she was being   
figurative. Y'know, like, 'Hey, that girl is EVIL!'" She couldn't   
help giggling at that.  
  
"This is ridiculous," Rei said. "Why aren't any of you taking   
this seriously? I think she's done something terrible!"  
  
"We trust you, Rei-chan, it's just that what you're saying   
sounds so far-fetched," Ami said.   
  
"Yeah," Minako agreed. "Setsuna's been doing this for who   
knows how long. Why would she just turn evil now?"  
  
"Maybe someone's controlling her mind, or something," Usagi   
suggested.  
  
"Maybe," Rei said, with a grateful look to Usagi. "I don't   
know, but at least let's go to the Outers' house and see how she is.   
Okay?"  
  
Makoto looked at her watch. "I have a date in fifteen   
minutes," she said. "Is it okay if I don't go?"  
  
"Sure," Usagi said. The others nodded.  
  
They went off in their seperate directions, not one of them,   
not even Rei, really suspecting something to truly be wrong. Setsuna   
smiled.  
  
  
  
Four go one way, one goes another.   
  
By herself.  
  
Alone.  
  
If this was a horror movie, what happens next would be   
obvious.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They were all gathered around a large conference table covered   
by coffee stains and little pieces of dried chinese food.  
  
"Thank you for coming," Pluto said. "We have a bit of   
a... situation with the senshi."  
  
Uranus raised an eyebrow. "You're fucking telling us," he   
muttered.  
  
Pluto grunted. "Please don't interrupt. Now, things are   
happening that... might piss you people off, but..."  
  
"Tell them the truth," Neptune snorted. "His senshi killed   
ours!" He indicated himself and Uranus. "And very easily could go   
after the rest of them."  
  
Jupiter drummed his fingers on the table. "Pluto?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why is your senshi a homicidal maniac now?"  
  
"I have no idea," Pluto said. "We got someone here who does,   
though." He pointed to the person sitting next to Saturn, smoking a   
cigar and brushing her dark hair away from her face.  
  
"Thank you," Hotaru said. She stood up. "Ahem. Setsuna   
wanted to be evil, and now she's going through with it." She smiled,   
and sat down.  
  
Jupiter blinked. "Thanks for your input," he said   
sarcastically. He turned to Pluto. "Can she be reasoned with?"  
  
"Yes," Pluto said quickly. "Definately. I can deal with   
this. None of you need to worry."  
  
"Excuse me," Uranus said. "But, uh, I already have a dead   
senshi. What do expect to do with her and Neptune's?"  
  
Jupiter rested his chin on his fist. "Well, it seems obvious   
what Pluto has to do: bring the two senshi back to life and try to..."  
  
"No," Pluto said. "We're NOT going to be bringing them back   
any more. I'm getting sick of that."  
  
Just then Jupiter's beeper went off. He clicked it, checked   
the number, and paused.  
  
He looked up at Pluto. "It's Death," he said. "This had   
better not be what I think it is."  
  
Pluto shrugged. "I'm not bringing any of them back," he said   
stubbornly. "They can't just EXPECT to come back to life every time  
they die."  
  
And with that, the meeting was adjourned.  
  



	13. Boredom

Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: Boredom  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
  
Conciousness is not a plaything.--R.D. Laing  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Plan. That's always important. Just jump into something like   
this headfirst and you'll find yourself smooshed into the wall like a   
cartoon villain.  
  
So. Time and place. Time and place. Time and place. Well,   
time is obvious. Late at night, of course. Who'd think of having   
some kind of double-cross ambush slaughter in broad daylight? That   
would just be silly.  
  
Okay, place is tougher. The docks? No, it's not a drug bust.   
Deserted warehouse? Not safe with all the asbestos. Hi-rise rooftop?  
  
Aha.  
  
  
  
  
  
Setting: Room with white walls. A large desk and a couple of   
chairs. One door with two words on the outside. TEMP STORAGE  
  
Michiru was playing with the paper-clips she found on the   
desk, making little abstract shapes out of them, linking them together   
to make bigger abstract shapes, throwing them across the room,   
starting over.  
  
Haruka was seeming to take immense satisfaction in tapping her   
foot on the floor. It was all she'd been doing for hours, anyway.   
Michiru wondered when she was planning on throwing a tantrum.  
  
"HI!" a voice called from the door. "How you DOING?"  
  
A small child-like thing walked into the room very happily,   
eating ice cream right out of a carton. It was accompanied by a   
taller, silver-haired, grey-eyed, less-energetic person.   
  
"Hi, Hotaru," Michiru said morosely. "Good to see you."  
  
"Right," Haruka added, giving a rather violent TAP.  
  
I brought you some Cherry Garcia!" Hotaru exclaimed, handing   
out two unopened cartons and spoons that appeared out of nowhere. The   
two women took the ice cream, and began to eat unhappily.  
  
"Oh, and this is my friend," she said, gesturing to the other   
person in the room. "She doesn't exactly have a name or anything,   
seeing as how she technically has never existed, but she sure knows   
you two."  
  
The person shyly looked at (Haruka and) Michiru. "Hi," she   
said.  
  
"Hey," they grunted.  
  
Silence, much to Hotaru's dismay.  
  
Haruka broke it. "So," she said. "Unnamed person. How's it   
feel to never have existed?"  
  
"Well, I can't say it's better than the alternative," the   
silver-haired woman said, giving Haruka a look that was meant to say,   
"I've...had sex with your girlfriend on numerous occasions." That was   
actually impossible with the limited number of muscles in the human   
face, so Haruka missed the point.  
  
Death walked in, followed by Makoto.  
  
"Finally," Haruka grunted. "Hey, Death, when are you going to   
let us out of here?"  
  
"Your fate is being discussed as we speak," Death said. "As   
soon as we figure it out, you'll be moved to your permanent places.   
Okay? Okay. Bye."  
  
"Wait a minute!" Haruka yelled. "You can't just leave us   
here! What the hell is taking so long?!"  
  
"Listen," Death said commandingly. "You sit down and shut up   
or I'll have you reincarneted as a lab rat!"  
  
Haruka sat down and shut up. Death walked out of the room   
quickly.  
  
Makoto looked around, confused.   
  
"Setsuna?" Michiru asked.  
  
"I think so," Makoto answered. Hotaru offered her some ice   
cream, and they all ate in silence.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Pluto?"  
  
"Yes, Jupiter?"  
  
"Send them back to earth."  
  
Pluto grimaced. "How many times do I have to tell you?" he   
muttered. "I'm not going to do that. Never. Not in a million   
years."  
  
Uranus snorted. "Pluto...are you trying to make everybody   
hate you? I mean, is that your ultimate goal here?"  
  
"I'm not being an asshole here, Uranus," Pluto grunted. "You   
know I'm right. 1. All the big threats to the humans have been dealt   
with already. 2. They can all be just as happy dead as alive. And   
most importantly 3. They've been brought back to life far too many   
times already. It really makes me sick to think that they die, and we   
just go, 'Okay, just head on back now!' They're MORTAL, they have to   
die sometime, and this, my friends, is their time. Now, if you'll   
excuse me, I have to figure out a way to deal with my senshi." He   
excused himself from the room.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi was crying before they ever even got to the front door. Somehow, she knew that something was seriously wrong. The flowerbed that Michiru and Setsuna tended so carefully, Haruka's beloved, shining convertable, Hotaru's abandoned swingset that no one had the heart to dismantle or give away... they all seemed so cold and eerie.   
It had once been a house where people loved each other. Now, Usagi could tell, it plainly was not.  
"Something's wrong," Ami said.   
They all nodded. Without another word, they transformed.  
"I'll stay out here with Sailor Moon," Mars said quietly. "I don't think she's still in there, but we need to be safe. All right?"  
Venus nodded to Mars with a somewhat pitying expression on her face. "They're going to think we're morons if there's nothing really wrong," she said, grinning softly. Then she and Mercury went inside.  
"Mars," Moon whispered after a moment, "do you think she could really be evil?"  
"I think she could," Mars replied. "I don't know why we ever even trusted her in the first place."  
"We trusted her because she's one of us!"  
Mars sighed, then calmly regarded her dearest friend. "Everything is probably fine, Usagi-chan. I probably just made a mistake."  
Sailor Moon smiled, and then Mercury and Venus came back out of the house. They were both crying.  
Sailor Moon stiffened in horror, then put her hand to her mouth and gasped with even more horror. "Mako-chan," she whispered.   
They were frozen for one second that felt like hours, then they all began running away in the direction Makoro had gone for her date. However, it was much, much too late.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She stood on the roof of the building, looking out across the   
cityscape. Ugly as hell.  
  
The sun was going down, causing the buildings to glow red at   
the top, and some parts had already dissolved into darkness except for   
little pinpoints of light that were windows leading into rooms where   
people were. She hated those damn lighted windows.  
  
Just like she hated the people walking around below her.   
Every single one of them. They deserved her hatred, more than they   
deserved the happiness and love they thought was routine.   
  
She was making herself depressed again. Taking out a   
cigarette and lighting it, she sat down and went over the plan again   
in her head.  
  
When she got to the part about killing them one by one, she   
couldn't help but smile in anticipation. That moment would truly be   
glorious, a pure moment of blaring victory. It...  
  
Wait a minute. She had just smiled. She'd been doing that a   
lot recently. What was it... five? She tried to remember again.   
Yes, it was, she'd smiled five times in twenty-four hours. That was a   
record.  
  
She almost smiled again, but then a disturbing thought struck   
her: Were any of them sincere?   
  
It had occured to her at the thought of killing them that,   
yes, she should be smiling, but was that the way it worked with   
normal people? Do they say, "Okay, lips, CURL UPWARD!" Wasn't it   
supposed to be more automatic than that? Not even killing Haruka   
caused that kind of automatic reaction.  
  
Better not to think about it, she said to herself. This is   
what you want, or so you've said, and that's going to have to be good   
enough.  
  
It was dark now. They had almost certainly discovered . She   
stood up and tried her best to radiate evil. She smiled, spreading   
her arms out wide. They were going to come. Makoto's blood covered   
her fuku.  
  
  
Was she nervous? Difficult to tell. Was she excited? Who   
knows. Did she even care? Not really.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Almost twenty hours, now.   
  
Some guy had come in and installed a television, but all it   
seemed to pick up was old Gilligan's Island reruns, excercise   
equipment infomercials, and MTV.  
  
Hotaru and her friend had left, saying they would be back "in   
a few minutes". It had been nine hours.  
  
No one had spoken for quite a while. Haruka had found a   
little rubber superbounce ball and was amusing herself by throwing it   
against the wall over and over. Whump! Whump! Whump! Whump!  
  
Whump! Whump! Whump! Whump! Whump whump whump boing boing   
boing..."Dammit. Could you get that, Michiru? Thanks." Whump!   
Whump! Whump! Whump!  
  
"Y'know what the problem with life is?" Haruka asked   
rhetorically, catching the ball and holding it. "No matter what you   
do, it always turns into this."  
  
"What, death?" Michiru asked absent-mindedly, twisting a   
paper-clip into an odd but pleasing shape.  
  
"No," Haruka answered. "Boredom. Everyone has choices they   
can make, and we work so hard trying to figure out the best way to go   
with each of them. But it doesn't matter, does it? Sooner or later,   
usually later, everything just turns into this. It's like a big   
running gag that's gotten old."  
  
Michiru nodded, remembering how Haruka got pseudo-  
philosophical when she was bored. "Right," she muttered. "That's an  
interesting idea, hon."  
  
"Why do you think she did it?" Makoto asked suddenly.  
  
They didn't respond for a minute. "There's no way to know,"   
Michiru said eventually, looking up with empathetic eyes.  
  
"I mean, do you think there was something about us that we   
HAD to die, to save the future or something? Because..."  
  
"We don't know, Makoto," Haruka said shortly.   
  
"It's not fair," Makoto said, pouting. "I had just met   
somebody. Why did she have to do it now? Why not three weeks ago?"  
  
"Please don't feel sorry for yourself," Haruka said. "It's   
not what any of us needs right now, okay?"  
  
"I'll feel sorry for myself if I goddamn want to," Makoto shot   
back. "I had just met someone who cares about me for who I am."  
  
"Was," Haruka corrected.  
  
"Right. Was. And now... well, who knows what's going to   
happen now. We'll either be shipped out or shipped back, right?   
Dammit, I hate this waiting."  
  
A pause.  
  
"I hate it more," Haruka said.  
  
"I seriously doubt that," Makoto grumbled. "At least you two   
are together. I don't think either of you really remembers what it's   
like to be alone."  
  
"Yeah, well at least you like yourself," Haruka said angrily.   
"At least you don't know the world would be worse off if they did send   
you back."  
  
"Maybe I do!" Makoto yelled. "What reason do I have to like   
myself? What good am I? Nobody's ever loved me, that should be some   
kind of sign! And you don't even know what I'm capable of! No one   
does."  
  
"Oh, shut up," Haruka snapped. "You're a fucking good person   
and you know it. You'll get no sympathy from us."  
  
"Excuse me, Haruka? Sympathy? Who asked for sympathy? Did   
you hear anyone ask for sympathy, Michiru?"  
  
Michiru's head shot up from her paper-clip art. "I'm sorry,   
what?"  
  
"Nothing," Haruka said. "Makoto just thinks she was worse off   
than we were."  
  
"It's because I was!" Makoto protested. "Just look at you,   
sitting there like some kind of anorexic Fabio, with your beautiful   
girlfriend who would and has died for you, and you tell ME that I had   
it better? How can you even think that?"  
  
"At least you can sleep at night!" Haruka yelled. "You can   
look at the world and just enjoy what you see, instead of having to   
pick it apart looking for some kind of danger all the fucking time   
At least you managed to get friends at some point in your life, people   
who care about you just for who you were, and..."  
  
"Bullshit," Makoto interrupted. "Do you think they'd really   
be my friends if I wasn't Sailor Jupiter? If I was just me, they'd   
have been scared of me just like everyone else, and left me alone from   
the beginning! Besides, you have Michiru. I don't have anybody!"  
  
"Yeah, that's just great, when you have ONE THING that makes   
your life bearable and it's in danger every day. You can never   
understand how it feels, Makoto. I had to force myself to not care if   
she dies, even though I knew perfectly well I couldn't be without her.   
Back me up here, Michiru. Tell her what we have to do."  
  
"Don't bring me into this," Michiru said, halfway done with a   
little shape she was making. "I like me. I liked my life, I like my   
death, and when we're sent back I'll like my life again." She looked   
up at Haruka and raised an eyebrow. "By the way, dear, I don't   
appreciate being called a 'thing'."  
  
Haruka ignored that final comment, and glared at Makoto. "Do   
you want me to tell you the things I've done?" she asked. "Do you   
want to hear what I had to live with every second of every day?"  
  
"Who wants sympathy now?" Makoto sneered. "You're not fooling   
anybody. You seem to think I'm like Usagi. Not all of us inners are   
the same, you know. It's hard, watching them all go about their happy   
lives and trying to fake it myself. They're the only people who've   
ever liked me at all, and I had to at least try to fit in with them."  
  
"Oh, so you don't feel like you ever 'fit in', huh?" Haruka   
snorted. "Well, boo fucking hoo. I certainly have no idea what that   
feels like. Do me a favor. Take how people think of you, multiply it   
by a billion, and add to it the rumors from walking around with HER   
everywhere you go. That's me right there."  
  
"Oh, that's just really freaking romantic, isn't it, dearest?"  
Michiru muttered, clearly annoyed.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm trying to make a point," Haruka said.  
  
"You're dancing around the issue here," Makoto declared.   
"You're not alone, I am. It's as simple as that!"  
  
"The hell it is!" Haruka yelled.  
  
They glared at each other. Michiru regarded them with quiet  
interest, wondering who would get in the next shot.  
  
It was Haruka. "My parents never loved me!" she yelled, then   
leaned back, satisfied.  
  
But Makoto was prepared for that attack. "My parents died!"   
she countered.  
  
They fumed. Haruka was about to launch an air strike of   
memories of death, but was cut off by high-pitched laughter. They all   
looked in the direction of the door. Hotaru was there, tears   
streaming down her face, her mouth wide with glee.  
  
"What's so funny?" Haruka and Makoto asked, almost at the   
exact same time.  
  
"You!" Hotaru giggled. "What is this, the Most Pathetic   
Senshi Competition?"  
  
"No," Haruka answered. "I'm just trying to get Makoto to   
admit the truth."  
  
"Oh please, you..."  
  
"Listen, shut up, both of you," Hotaru chuckled. "Neither of   
you comes close to the most pathetic senshi."  
  
"Oh really," Makoto grunted. "I suppose it's you, right?"  
  
"Nope," Michiru said. "It's me. I just learned that the   
person with whom I'm co-dependent respects me about as much as a used   
wad of chewing gum." She glared at Haruka, who gulped.  
  
"You're all wrong," Hotaru said. "Just think about it a   
minute. You know who it is."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The most pathetic senshi leaned on her staff and stared at the   
inners. They stared back.  
  
And for the longest time, nobody said a word.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A random thought: Do you put on the happy face because you   
know the grey skies are going to clear up, or do the grey skies   
somehow clear up as a result of putting on the happy face?  
  
Oh, who cares. It's just a stupid song anyway. 


	14. The Fun

Secondary Characters: The Fun  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
And then the fun begins.--Ian Shoales  
  
  
  
  
  
She's not my child, dammit. She's not my responsibility.   
  
  
POV shift  
  
  
  
They're confused. I think. They don't understand what  
I'm doing, much less why.  
  
I think.  
  
"Hello," I say, keeping my voice blank. "I'm glad you came."  
  
"What did you do, Pluto?" Mars asks. "Did you..."  
  
"Yes," I answer, hoping she's talking about what I think she   
is. Judging by the looks on their faces, I was right.  
  
"I really am evil," I say proudly, and prepare to defend   
myself. But they don't attack. They just kind of stand there.  
  
"I mean to kill you," I add hopefully. They don't take the   
hint.  
  
Dammit. I didn't know they were such morons. I have to do   
everything myself, just like always.   
  
"Why?" Sailor Moon asks. "Why did you do it?"  
  
"It doesn't matter," I say. "Why not? But let me ask you a   
question, before we start."  
  
They don't like the sound of that at ALL. But Moon... she   
sincerely doesn't want to fight me, does she?   
  
I smile, maybe.  
  
"What is it, Pluto?"   
  
"Did any of you ever love me at all?" I never knew.   
  
"Yes," Moon says quickly. "We always did, Setsuna. We   
always..."  
  
"Fat lot of good it did me," I say harshly.   
  
She looks so sad. I think.  
  
And then I go.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Jump. Dodge. Jump dodge. Dodge jump. Jump dodge fire!   
Dodge.  
  
They're not trying. I think. But something keeps bothering   
me.  
  
Moon isn't even faking it. She's just standing there, looking   
worried. She was sincere, when she said she loved me. Hell, she's   
always sincere. I envy that; I've never been sincere in my entire   
life. I think.  
  
Jump fire! Dodge. Jump jump.  
  
Dammit. Too many years. Too many memories. Too many   
thoughts. Not enough room, even in my brain, for everything.  
  
I need help with this.  
  
With a thought, their ridiculous bodies slow to a stop and   
stay there in impossible positions.  
  
I go downstairs, searching through offices and cubicles until   
I find what I'm looking for. It's in English, but that's one thing I   
can still remember.  
  
As I head upstairs, I search. Aha.  
  
  
sincerity, n. [L. sinceritas] the state or quality of being sincere;   
honesty of mind or intention; freedom from stimulation or hypocrisy;   
truthfulness; genuiness; earnestness  
  
  
That doesn't help. At all. I don't know what half those   
words mean.   
  
I must have, at some point, but not anymore. That kind of   
thing hasn't been important for so long.  
  
I get to the roof, noticing with satisfaction that Venus froze   
in a position where she kind of looks like she's doing the Twist.  
  
I can't fight now. Not without knowing.  
  
Well, let's get started.  
  
Honesty, honesty... lessee... hortation... horizontal...   
hook... honor...  
  
No. There's something else more important than this, though   
this certainly is important. I flip back the other way. Aha. Here   
we go.  
  
  
smile, v. [ME. smilen] to have or take on a facial expression showing   
pleasure, amusement, affection, friendliness, irony, derision, etc. and   
characterized by an upward curling of the corners of the mouth and a   
sparkling of the eyes.  
  
  
Hmmm. Interesting.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
POV shift  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Why, Pluto?  
  
I've just realized that everything I've thought all night has  
been some variation of the above question.   
  
If Uranus were here, she'd be yelling in my face, trying to   
get me to fight, instead of just standing there. She's not here,   
though. She's dead.  
  
Mars yelled at me a few times, and she's right, I know she's   
right. Pluto... KILLED Mako-chan, but I can't start thinking about   
that yet, I won't, I really won't, because I'll just start crying and   
never ever stop. I can't let Pluto hurt anybody else, I know that,   
but how can I fight her? She's supposed to be on our side! I can't   
ever forgive her, but I don't know if I can kill her, either...   
  
I start. Something strange... she moved. She was in front of  
me, now she's... I look around, confused.  
  
No one else is moving.  
  
"I have another question for you," she says calmly from behind   
me. "I'm sorry to make this harder for you, but I need to know."  
  
She could kill us any time, but she hasn't. She's not evil,   
she's talking to me. She doesn't want to hurt anybody.  
  
"Pluto?" I venture, turning around. "Are you okay now?"  
  
She ignores me. "A few minutes ago, I smiled. Do you   
remember that?"  
  
"Yes," I answer truthfully, and I really do.  
  
Her face is blank and serious. "Did my eyes sparkle?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Did my eyes sparkle while I was smiling?"  
  
"I... I don't know."  
  
"Think. Please."  
  
They were as dead as always, I remember perfectly well. But   
to tell her, hurt her, hurt everybody... "Yes," I answer. "They   
did."  
  
Her eyes close, and she seems to be thinking hard. "I'm doing   
it," she whispers. "It's working."  
  
And then she moves again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
POV shift  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She flipped through the dictionary again frantically. It   
would have been best to remember these words, but it was crowded in   
her head, and they were just too far away.  
  
  
happiness, n. the enjoyment of pleasure without pain; felicity;   
blessedness; satisfaction.  
  
  
"Shit," she muttered, and searched again.  
  
  
pleasure, n. [Fr. plaisir] the gratification of the senses or of the   
mind; agreeable sensations or emotions; the excitement, relish, or   
happiness produced by enjoyment or the expecation of good; enjoyment;   
satisfaction; opposed to pain.  
  
  
"Dammit!" she yelled, her head beginning to ache. This was   
clarifying nothing.  
  
  
pain, n. [ME. payne] the sensations one feels when hurt, mantally or   
physicaly, especially distress, suffering, great anxiety, anguish,   
grief, etc.; opposed to pleasure.  
  
  
That seemed slightly familiar to her, but not too much. She   
thought she knew what anxiety, grief, and suffering were.  
  
"That's what I DON'T want, right?" she asked herself.   
  
"I think so," she answered. "Those are bad things. I think.   
  
Waitaminute... shit."  
  
Flip flip flip flip flip flip flip.  
  
  
bad, adj. [ME. bad, badde]   
  
  
"Hmmm. Nope, nope, nope...here we go."  
  
  
3. unfavorable; unpleasant; disagreeable.  
  
  
Or maybe:  
  
  
7. harmful; injurious; dangerous.  
  
  
"Yeah," she said. "So good would just be the opposite of   
those. Yeah. That's right." She thought she felt proud for figuring   
it out, but then it occured to her that she had no idea what "pride"   
was.  
  
She sighed.  
  
  
pride, n. [AS. pryte] a sense of one's dignity or worth; self-respect.  
  
  
"Can they define a single fucking word without using any   
fucking emotions?!" she yelled to nobody.  
  
Something that she thought was anger caused her to hurl the   
dictionary away from her. It struck Mars in the head and knocked her   
to the ground, where she stayed in the exact same position.   
  
Pluto clenched her hands into fists, and started walking   
towards them.  
  
  
  
  
  
POV shift  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They kept bringing stuff in for them, probably by the order of   
Pluto, who, all of them had noticed, had not yet gotten the whole   
thing "straightened out".  
  
It took six people to lug in the air hockey table.  
  
Michiru grinned as the air flow from the little holes shut   
down. Haruka stared at the table in shock.  
  
Hotaru put her arms around the tall woman. "That's best three   
out of five," she said. "I think it's time you accept that Michiru is   
better than you are."  
  
"No!" Haruka protested. "She cheated!"   
  
"How do you cheat at air hockey?" Michiru asked.  
  
"She beat me, too," Makoto pointed out.  
  
"Yeah," Hotaru said. "This takes nothing away from you,   
Haruka. You're very good at air hockey. She's just a little bit   
better."  
  
Haruka grunted. "I HATE this place," she muttered, plopping   
down in her chair.  
  
Michiru went to her. "Y'know what?" she asked, giggling   
slightly.  
"What?"  
  
"You're the loooooser." she said, grinning. "And you know   
what that means? I'm the wiiiinner."  
  
Haruka sighed. "I like it better when you're passive-  
aggressive," she said. "When the hell are the going to bring us back   
to life?!" she suddenly burst out. 'What the hell is the delay?"  
  
"There's no delay," a voice said behind her. "I'm stalling.   
And I refuse to bring you people back to life any more."  
  
They turned and saw the god Pluto standing there.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be talking to Setsuna?" Hotaru asked,   
raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Shut up," Pluto answered. "What the hell am I supposed to   
say to her? I don't understand her. You're the one who should be   
talking to her."  
  
"She doesn't want to talk to me," Hotaru said defensively.   
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Because the last time I saw her, she said, 'I don't want to   
talk to you.'"  
  
"That doesn't mean anything," Pluto protested. "She doesn't   
know what she's saying. She.." He trailed off.  
  
They didn't know why. There was no apparent reason for him   
to trail off. Nothing in the room seemed to warrant that kind of   
reaction. He stared off at the wall by the desk. They all did the   
same, trying to see what was so captivating. "What is it?" Makoto   
asked eventually.  
  
Pluto stopped staring. He shook his head and sighed. "Shit,"   
he muttered, rubbing his hand through his hair.  
  
"What?" Haruka asked, rather forcefully.  
  
The answer came walking through the door in the form of four   
rather confused-looking people in short skirts.  
  
They seemed terrified. Of course, that was in stark contrast   
to the senshi who were already in the room, all of whom were on the   
verge of busting into tears.  
  
Death and Jupiter followed the frightened ones in as   
comfortingly as they could.   
  
Jupiter looked up at Pluto. "It's not funny anymore," he   
said. "It's gone far beyond what you thought would happen. I think   
you know what you're going to have to do."  
  
"What you SHOULD have done from the beginning!" Hotaru added.  
  
Pluto ground his teeth audibly. "Fuck," he growled. "Why   
don't we just make them goddamn godesses while we're at it?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
POV shift  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The most wonderful thing has happened.   
  
He came. Late.  
  
And when he saw her, lying in that twisted position, blood all   
around her, he did, I suppose, the most natural thing. He fell down.  
  
"Hello," I say, although I know he's not listening. "I did   
that. You hear? ME. I affected the future, I changed the storyline.   
And it feels pretty fucking good, let me tell you."  
  
And I smile. All I need is a mirror for this scene to be   
perfect. So I can see my eyes, just to make sure.  
  
I turn and start walking away, leaving him down on the cement,   
as if I'd killed him, too. Goosebumps ripple down my arms.  
  
A slight noise. He's probably trying to get her to wake up.   
I turn, grinning.  
  
  
They're moving again.  
  
  
No! I... I killed them! I won! I...  
  
They stand up, and all look at me. Moon looks so sad.  
  
The others don't. Their eyes aren't sparkling, no, they're   
hard as rocks.  
  
So I stop the world again, and BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!   
they're gone. For sure.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
POV shift.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
POV shift  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She turned to walk away again, not quite as satisfied, but   
still okay.  
  
Before she left, she turned to get one last look.  
  
They were moving. Slowly, to be sure, but obviously moving.   
  
Fear? beginning to well up inside her, she let the Dead Scream   
live up to its name.   
  
This time though, she went to Moon's body, grabbed her   
crystal, and pocketed it. That would take care of the problem.  
  
Not satisfied at all, she began to walk away.  
  
  
  
  
  
POV shift  
  
  
  
  
  
Again!  
  
  
  
  
  
POV shift  
  
  
  
  
  
She watched them, as she walked. She watched for any twitch,   
any breath, any heartbeat.   
  
They got up. She screamed and swore, and killed them again.   
Then she started to run away.  
  
  
  
  
  
POV shift  
  
  
  
  
  
Again, dammit!  
  
  
  
  
  
POV shift  
  
  
  
  
  
They got up, froze, and died. She beat their corpses, kicked   
their heads, broke their necks, broke their legs, crushed their ribs,   
and smashed their faces.   
  
They got up, and she killed them. They got up again, and she   
killed them again. They got up repeatedly, and each time she   
destroyed them, forcing their souls away from their mortal bodies.  
  
And each time, mere seconds later, they got up again.  
  
After the fifty-third time, she threw her staff down,   
screaming with utter, true, recognizable frustration.  
  
The combined attacks of fire, water, love, and roses struck   
her simultaneously. As if that wasn't enough to kill her instantly,   
the force knocked her backwards and off the edge of the roof. The   
last they saw of her was a green blob flowing downwards, and then   
there was the suprisingly loud thump of impact.  
  
It was over.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Three minutes later, the rooftop door to the stairs flew open.   
Sailor Pluto stood there, panting from the effort of running up   
numerous stories.  
  
"Well," she said bitterly, "this was futile." 


	15. The Mothership

Secondary Characters: The Mothership  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
Being aware of the non-ending condition of our radically non-logical,   
necessary, and yet free and responsible nature, it is not only our   
compulsion, but it is our duty to your booty to funk you.--George   
Clinton  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The way the world works is this: You're born, you wait, and   
you die. At any time, there are people being born and people dying,   
and many, many people waiting to do one or the other.   
  
And so, far removed from the slaughter and excitement and   
battling, three outsiders sat in a room that appeared eerily similar   
to a hotel lobby. They waited.  
  
They were brooding, antsy, and worried about their friends.   
They did not like waiting, but they knew they had to do it. One   
waited to rejoin her life, one waited to rejoin her death, and one   
waited because she had nothing at all to rejoin, so waiting was all   
she could do. They were all bored.  
  
Makoto squinted in thought as she regarded the young woman   
with silver hair that she had never seen before. "So... let me get   
this straight," she said, "you were one of the outer senshi, right?"  
  
"Yes," replied the girl. "There were five of us."  
  
"Right, okay." Makoto thought for a second. "Michiru,   
Haruka, Setsuna, Hotaru, and... Barbara."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And... you were Barbara."  
  
"No!" Hotaru interjected, annoyed. "She was Haruka. Haruka   
was Barbara. How many times do we have to explain this to you before   
you get it?"  
  
Makoto scratched the back of her head. "Okay, give me a   
second so I can figure this out. The person I know as Haruka, was   
renamed Barbara. You took her place as Haruka."  
  
"That's right," the nonexistant woman replied.  
  
"Okay. But... why didn't Haruka stay Haruka? Why didn't YOU   
become Barbara?"  
  
Hotaru rolled her eyes. "Because the gods wanted to punish   
Haruka and Setsuna... the Haruka you know, I mean. They were   
bickering over who got to be Haruka. It was the whole point that   
neither of them got to be her."  
  
Makoto looked at her blankly. "You just completely lost me,"   
she said.  
  
Hotaru sighed. "Setsuna, who is the same person as you know   
Setsuna to be, and Haruka, who is the one you know, not her," she   
indicated the silver-haired girl next to her, "were fighting over who   
got to be Haruka."  
  
Makoto blinked. "Why would Setsuna want to be Haruka?"  
  
"Because she was Haruka for a while before that. They   
switched being Haruka several times, so there actually were TWO   
Setsunas and TWO Harukas, and neither one really knew who was Haruka   
first, so they had equal claim to it."  
  
Makoto stared at Hotaru for a few seconds, then held her   
hands in the air in an expression of defeat. "You know what, just   
forget it," she said. "I'm not going to understand no matter how   
clearly you explain, so just forget it."  
  
"Don't put yourself down like that," the silver-haired girl   
admonished softly. "I heard about the things you said in the storage   
room, too. I wish you'd have more respect for yourself, Mako-chan."  
  
Makoto raised an eyebrow. "Mako-chan?"  
  
The girl blushed. "Sorry," she muttered. "I know you don't   
know me. I just used to know you, even though that never happened.   
But, I did like you. I mean, I didn't have the connection to you that   
Barbara did, but I always thought you were strong and mature, much   
moreso than the other inner senshi."  
  
Hotaru giggled. "I'm surprised your thoughts were that   
lucid."  
  
The nonexistant girl looked away and did not reply. There was   
a pause which Makoto knew was uncomfortable but had no idea why. She   
broke it after only a few moments. "So," she said cheerfully, "what   
do you miss most about being alive?"  
  
The girl kept looking away. "Michiru, of course."  
  
Makoto blinked. "Michiru-san? Why would..." She trailed   
off. Hotaru was looking at her like she was an idiot. "You were...   
WITH Michiru-san?"  
  
"Of course I was. I was Haruka."  
  
Makoto sputtered for a second, then relaxed. "I'm sorry, I'm   
just surprised," she said. "You don't LOOK like..."  
  
"I know," the girl interrupted. "You look more like it than I   
do."  
  
Makoto blushed. "Touche," she remarked. "Then, who was...   
Barbara with?"  
  
"No one. Well, she dated this one person for a while, some   
girl named Elza, I think, but that didn't last. And she flirted with   
you a lot. But mostly, she just pined for Michiru."  
  
Makoto raised an eyebrow. "Even when she was Barbara, she   
loved Michiru-san?"  
  
The girl nodded glumly. "We all loved her. She was all we   
could love, you know. And she was beautiful."  
  
Makoto nodded, suddenly feeling intense pity for this poor   
girl. "What happened, though?" she asked. "Why don't you exist   
anymore?"  
  
"I was unnecessary. I was extra. So fate just... got rid of   
me."  
  
"That wasn't the only reason!" Hotaru interjected.   
  
The nonexistant girl hung her head. "Yes, that's true. I...   
had problems."  
  
"Problems?!" Hotaru blurted, incredulous. "You were crazy as   
a loon!" She looked at Makoto, grinning. "Isn't that a riot? Just   
to punish those two assholes, the gods make the new Haruka a   
psychotic."  
  
Makoto scratched the back of her head. "I'm not sure I   
understand," she said.   
  
"The only reason I was given Michiru is because I didn't   
deserve her," the girl explained sadly. "That way Setsuna and Barbara   
had to watch her love me when she had no reason to, just because I was   
Haruka, and Michiru loves Haruka, always."  
  
Makoto narrowed her eyes. "But, you can't assume that. Maybe   
she loved you because you were lovable."  
  
"She didn't," the girl replied. "But it's kind of you to say   
so, Mako-chan."  
  
She smiled and Makoto smiled back, helpless. This girl had   
been her friend, apparently, and she hadn't been able to protect her.   
She couldn't even remember her.  
  
"Feeling like a failure?" Hotaru asked cheerily.  
  
Makoto blinked. She stared at Hotaru and didn't say anything.  
  
"I said, 'Are you feeling like a failure?'"  
  
"A little, I guess," Makoto answered. "How'd you know?"  
  
"Oh, you just had that look about you." Hotaru grinned.   
"Don't worry about it. Soon enough, you'll be able to go back to your   
old life and everything will be good again."  
  
Makoto nodded. "Yeah, everything will be good," she agreed.   
There was another silence, less uncomfortable. The silver-haired girl   
began tapping her foot on the floor in a soft but complex rhythm.  
  
"Um, Hotaru-chan," Makoto said after a moment, "can I ask you   
a... personal question?"  
  
"Of course," Hotaru replied. "I've got no secrets anymore."  
  
Makoto scratched her chin uncomfortably. "Okay, well, um,   
your mother... she died when you were young, right?"  
  
Hotaru nodded. "My real mother, yes."  
  
Makoto kept scratching her chin and looking at the wall behind   
Hotaru. "And... this is going to sound like a very stupid question...   
what did you feel when it happened?"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
Makoto blushed. "I know, it sounds so stupid. I mean, when   
she died, what emotions did you have?"  
  
"About what you'd expect," Hotaru said, shrugging. "I cried   
for weeks. I can't really remember any details, it was so long ago.   
I've died three times since then myself, you see, so I'm a little cold   
to the whole thing now. But then... I don't know, I felt like the   
world had swallowed me up. I felt like nobody. I didn't think things   
would ever get better, I was... heartbroken. Does this help?"  
  
"A little," Makoto said. "See, the reason I ask is, well, my   
parents died too. And... this has been bothering me for a while."  
  
"What has?"  
  
"When they died, I was frightened, yes, and confused and   
alone, but... I moved on so quickly. I never even mourned them. I   
just couldn't feel sad."  
  
Hotaru raised an eyebrow. The nonexistant girl began tapping   
her other foot in conjunction with the first, adding another layer of   
rhythm.  
  
"I know, I feel like a monster," Makoto continued, tears   
beginning to fill her eyes. "And it never even occured to me that I   
probably SHOULD have felt sad until a few months ago. They were such   
wonderful people and I loved them so much, but when they died, I... I   
don't think I could even cry."  
  
Hotaru didn't reply. She waited for Makoto to continue on her  
own.  
  
One tear trickled down Makoto's face. "Even right after it   
happened, I remember having thoughts like, 'Well, I'll miss them, but   
someday I'll have my own resturant!' and 'My parents are dead, but one   
day I'll meet a handsome man and get married, so it's okay!'  
  
"And up until a few months ago, I never worried about it,   
because everything was good. Love and justice made me happy. But...   
love and justice also stole my feelings for my own parents! I just   
don't understand at all."  
  
Hotaru didn't reply for a few moments. A second tear trickled   
down Makoto's cheek. Hotaru watched it slip down the gentle curving   
face and took a deep breath. "What happened to change things?" she   
asked. "What happened a few months ago?"  
  
Makoto looked at the floor, he eyes hidden behind her soft   
bangs. "I ran into a couple of men in an alley."  
  
Hotaru blinked. "Oh," she said.  
  
Makoto looked up, a quiet smile on her face. "To tell you the   
truth, I don't honestly remember what they did to me," she murmured.   
"It might not have been... what you're thinking. All I know is, it   
was bad."  
  
"I understand," Hotaru whispered.  
  
Makoto's smile grew and she looked away. "No, you don't," she   
said, "you're an outer senshi."  
  
"What?" Hotaru's face twisted in an expression of childlike   
confusion. "I don't--"  
  
"You outers... it's different for you," Makoto interrupted.   
"You know that things like... that... can happen in the world. You   
expect it, so you prepare for it. But, I really didn't know. These   
weren't youma or droids, they were just men, and I honestly thought   
the worst thing a man could do to a woman was leave her and break her   
heart."  
  
"I don't know what I can say," Hotaru said after a pause, "I   
don't think there IS anything I can say. I was young for a long time,   
but I was never that innocent."  
  
"I know," Makoto replied. "I don't expect you to say   
anything. I just had to tell somebody. I can't talk to any of the   
other inners about this; they just don't understand. It just...   
wasn't supposed to happen. It was too gritty, too REAL. Things like   
that aren't supposed to happen. And... what I did to them... that's   
not supposed to happen, either."  
  
There was a long pause as Hotaru took in the true meaning of   
that statement. "You should probably talk to Haruka about this," she   
said eventually. I don't know anything specific about her past,   
but..."  
  
"I don't want to do that!" Makoto snapped, more harshly than   
she'd meant. "I mean," she continued, softening, "I don't want her to   
think of me... like that. I don't want her to lose respect for me."  
  
Hotaru nodded slightly. "I had similar feelings about   
Chibi-Usa-chan. I didn't want her to see my evil side."  
  
"What was your relationship with her, anyway?" Makoto asked,   
raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Just friends," Hotaru replied, a little too quickly, "but   
forget about that. I really think you should talk to Haruka and   
Michiru when this is all over. They've always considered you the most   
outer of the inner senshi, the least naive."  
  
"But it wasn't naivete," Makoto protested, "because it was the   
way things really were!"  
  
"I know, I know. But still, they'd understand."  
  
Makoto nodded morosely. "Where are they, anyway?" she asked.   
"I know the rest of the inners were sent back, but I didn't see what   
happened to them."  
  
"They're waiting somewhere," Hotaru answered. "I'll have to   
go join them soon, but I prefered to wait here, with you two. Our   
family relationship has been a bit strained as of late."  
  
"Yes, that's understandable. What happened to Setsuna-san,   
anyway? I never expected her to do anything like this. She was   
always so... boring."  
  
"Don't ask me," Hotaru replied, sighing. "I probably   
understand her more than anyone else in the world, and I don't   
understand her at all."  
  
Makoto nodded. "It's strange. I don't know anything about   
her. I never even think about her unless she's right there in front   
of me."  
  
"That's not her role," the nonexistant girl murmured, staring   
down at her tapping feet. "She's not there to be thought about.   
She's there to do her job, quietly, in the background." She looked up   
at Makoto, hollow-eyed. "No one will ever love her, because she's   
just not important enough."  
  
Makoto opened her mouth to speak but the girl just kept   
talking. "She is mysterious, yes, but only because no one cares   
enough to find out anything about her. No one's supposed to care.   
That's not her role."  
  
The girl hugged herself, and neither Makoto nor Hotaru knew   
who she was really talking to anymore. "I pity her so much," she   
continued. "The only reason she exists at all is because it would be   
weird if there was a senshi for every planet except Pluto.  
  
"But nine senshi is a lot. Not all of them can have   
personalities. In the end, she's as superfluous as me."  
  
She stood up and began circling the room like she always used   
to do when she was real and insane, but her feet kept tapping and she   
began using her hands to suppliment the beat by rapping her knuckles   
on chairs and walls and tables as she passed by them. "And even all   
the horrible things she does off-camera aren't supposed to be thought   
about, because NOTHING about her is supposed to be thought about.   
And when she dies, no one is supposed to care, but Usagi brought her   
back." The girl froze and ceased her percussive solo. "Usagi brought  
her back. I don't know why."  
  
Hotaru narrowed her eyes. "You don't know anything," she   
snapped, "you don't even exist."  
  
The girl didn't reply. Makoto suddenly realized her cheeks   
were streaked with tears. "Why'd she bring ME back?" she found   
herself whimpering. "I wish she hadn't."  
  
"You don't have anything to be afraid of," Hotaru grunted with   
disdain. "Even if she finds out what you did, she'll still love you   
as much as she always has. And she'll be there to comfort you when   
you finally mourn your parents. No matter what, you'll always be an   
inner senshi."  
  
"That's not true," Makoto said, dimly aware the beat was   
starting anew. "I don't even love my boyfriend. Do you believe that?   
Isn't that horrible of me? Girls are supposed to love their   
boyfriends. I can't ever go back to that again."  
  
The nonexistant girl blinked. "I thought you were gay."  
  
Makoto sighed and massaged her temples. "No, I'm not gay,"   
she grunted. "But that doesn't mean I'm a normal girl, either."  
  
The silver-haired girl smiled and put her hand softly on   
Makoto's. "But of course you're not just a normal girl, you see?   
You're not weak. You're JUPITER."  
  
Hotaru rolled her eyes. "You sound like one of THEM now," she   
growled. "You don't know what it's like to be an outer senshi. I'm   
dead, I've died over and over again. That's what I do, I die. I have   
been crucified seven times, though you probably only know about the   
one. Do you know what it's like to feel your flesh ripped apart at   
the wrists?!" She was shouting now with a strange rage, her tiny   
child's mouth cold and dry. "And you have the arrogance to be so   
upset about killing two men when you were only protecting yourself! I   
destroy entire PLANETS! How much of a child ARE you?!!"  
  
"Hotaru, hush!" the silver-haired girl snapped, whirling on   
the dead senshi, eyes flashing with spiced anger.   
  
Hotaru flinched. "Haruka-mama," she whispered, suddenly near   
tears.  
  
The nonexistant girl turned back to Makoto and held her gaze   
with something resembling warmth. "You never did anything wrong," she   
said, smiling. "You were just being what you are; that's all anyone   
can ever be. You have a role, too: you were being Sailor Jupiter, you   
were protecting. You were protecting yourself."  
  
Makoto said nothing. The silver-haired girl turned and looked   
away. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Hotaru-chan," she whispered.  
  
"That's okay, Haruka-mama," Hotaru replied, just as softly.  
  
Makoto sniffled; she wiped the tears away from her eyes. "I   
understand now," she said. "I understand why that happened to me."  
  
The girl nodded. "Now you know that it CAN happen."  
  
Makoto smiled at her, the tears nearly gone. "And now I know   
I have to protect my friends from it. I'll never let anything like   
that happen to them."  
  
There was a silence, warm and comfortable. Hotaru finally   
broke it. "Do I have a role, too?" she asked in a soft, childlike   
tone.  
  
"Of course you do." The nonexistant girl sat down and Hotaru   
climbed into her lap obligingly, laying her head on her faux-mother's   
breast. "You're Sailor Saturn. You're the living irony. Weak but   
beautiful, innocent but destructive, life but death, dead but living,   
young but wise, powerful yet ultimately impotent."  
  
Hotaru screwed up her face and sighed. "I don't like that   
role," she grumbled.  
  
"I know, it's a difficult one. But you'll be okay. You're   
strong enough to overcome it and be something for real. And I believe   
in you."  
  
Makoto put her strong hand on Hotaru's shoulder. "I believe   
in you, too. And not just because I'm an inner senshi and worship   
love and justice. I really think you are strong enough."  
  
"Thank you, Makoto-san," Hotaru replied sleepily. There was   
another silence, warm and comfortable. Eventually Hotaru looked up at   
the face of the girl and asked, "What about you? Do you have a role,   
too?"  
  
The silver-haired girl laughed lightly and stood up, forcing   
Hotaru off her lap. "Well, I'm not supposed to," she answered.  
  
"What do you mean?" Makoto asked. "I thought we all had a   
role."  
  
"We do, but I don't exist. I never did. I never will. I   
will never be anyone, I will never have anything, I will never be with   
anyone, I will never be a part of anything. And yet... something   
happened."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
The girl looked at them with a dark but gloriously happy   
expression. "I took a ride on the mothership," she replied simply.  
  
Makoto and Hotaru didn't say anything.  
  
"I rode with the Starchild through the naked universe," the   
girl explained. "And we flew with the power of the terminal beat into   
the heart of the black hole, where he shot me with the bop gun. I   
learned to dance."  
  
"Did you pass Saturn?" Hotaru asked after a moment, because   
she couldn't think of anything else to ask.  
  
The girl smiled warmly. "Oh, yes. With its great rings of   
wig-out. That's where I received my first funkalectomy. Your planet   
is so stoopid, Hotaru-chan, so very stoopid. No wonder you turned out   
so beautiful."  
  
Hotaru blushed from the compliment, but wasn't even sure it   
was a compliment at all. "What in god's name are you talking about?"   
Makoto asked.  
  
"The power of the deepest, darkest boogie is like the power of   
love and justice, but with two differences: it exists everywhere, not   
only in the hearts of young girls, and it is for everyone, not only   
young girls with just and loving hearts." The silver-haired girl had   
her arms spread wide, smiling like a toddler that just discovered a   
new kind of candy.   
  
"I'm a lost little Japanese girl with a minimal booty," she   
continued, "and furthermore, I never existed. But somehow, the funk   
came for me. And the day that mothership landed and the Starchild   
walked out, everything changed. He called out my name, which I do not   
have, and he invited me aboard, and together we flew away.   
  
"And I became someone."  
  
Makoto scratched the back of her head in confusion. "I don't   
understand," she said, "and I think this another one of those things   
that I won't get no matter how much you explain it."  
  
"That's all right," the girl replied kindly. "It's not   
important for you to understand. Just know that it's important to me,   
and it gave me a role and a boogie, all of my own."  
  
Makoto smiled, for some reason. Outside the window, a large   
man with dark skin, hair, and glasses watched them all. The   
nonexistant girl saw him and waved, but he disappeared with a little   
flash of light. The beat continued, and Makoto suddenly realized the   
girl wasn't tapping her feet anymore.  
  
Hotaru's digital watch beeped, in time with the rhythm. She   
looked at it, annoyed. "Ah, crap," she said, "almost time to go deal   
with Setsuna." She rolled her eyes. "This is gonna be awkward."  
  
"Stop pretending you don't love her," the nonexistant girl   
said with a smirk. "You know it'll all work out, though maybe not in   
such a way that everyone has a happy ending."  
  
Makoto blinked. "Wait a minute. What's going to happen to   
you now?"  
  
The girl winked. "Oh, don't worry about me," she said in a   
friendly tone. "I'll just keep right on not existing. I don't need a   
happy ending." She leaned closer with mock secrecy. "To tell you the   
truth, there's no such thing as a happy ending. Every ending is just   
another moment, even something as pure as kissing your true love in   
the moonlight, or flying away in a rocket ship." She gestured toward   
the window, and Makoto looked out and saw that yes, there was a   
mothership out there, actively waiting for passengers.  
  
"It was very nice spending time with you, Makoto-san."  
  
Hotaru nodded. "Yeah, it was. We should do this more often."  
  
Makoto squinted in confusion. "But... wait a minute," she   
said with alarm, "what's going to happen to ME?"  
  
"You'll go back and continue being Sailor Jupiter," the   
silver-haired girl replied. "That is... unless you want to change   
your role. You could ride with me on the mothership; that might be   
fun." She smiled in such a way that reminded Makoto of exactly what   
kind of girl she'd been. The smile faded. "But... don't just go   
because you're afraid of telling her what you did. She lives in her   
own world. It's not your place to be a part of it."  
  
Makoto didn't reply. She just stared out at the mothership.  
  
"Ami and Minako," Hotaru muttered.  
  
Makoto turned to look at her. "What?"  
  
"Ami and Minako." The little girl's face was cold but   
endearing, like it looked when she was Sailor Saturn. "I don't know   
them very well, but it seems like they've been in the dark since this   
whole mess began. Just a couple of outsiders, confused and frightened   
and secretly wondering when the ground is going to fall out from under   
them, like it did to you and me.  
  
"They need someone to comfort them. They need someone to   
protect them."  
  
Makoto glanced at the silver-haired girl, who was watching   
Hotaru with pride. "On some level, they all depend on you," the   
living irony continued. "Or will. Or have. Right now Usagi has her   
own destiny and Rei's so far gone that only one person can make her   
happy, but Minako and Ami need you. They will not be the same without   
Sailor Jupiter to protect them."  
  
Makoto felt the miracle of the twilight boogie all over her   
body. She closed her eyes and it faded. "You're right," she   
murmured. "I'm Sailor Jupiter. I fight for them, not love and   
justice. They're all I care about."  
  
"They're lucky to have you, Mako-chan," the nonexistant girl   
said softly, with a look on her face that once again reminded Makoto   
of what kind of girl she'd been. "Maybe one day, you'll all ride the   
mothership with me, hmm?"  
  
"I think we'd all like that." Makoto smiled. "And I hope you   
understand, if you ever need me, I'm here to protect you, too."  
  
The girl smiled. Hotaru glanced at her watch and inserted   
herself between her companions. "Sorry to interrupt the moment,   
here," she said, "but I really have to get going to the time gate.   
The fighting's stopped."  
  
"Yeah, we should all get going," Makoto agreed after a moment.   
"I'm worried about the others." The intoxicating rhythm distracted   
her for a moment, as did the girl's soft grey eyes, but she quickly   
refocused. "I hope I see both of you again soon," she said politely.   
"And good luck with Setsuna, Hotaru-chan."  
  
"Thanks," Hotaru replied. "And listen, if you ever need to   
talk about anything; your parents, your boyfriend, anything... just   
kill yourself and we'll have plenty of time to work it out."  
  
Makoto blinked.  
  
"Joke!" Hotaru exclaimed, grinning. "Seriously, I'll come   
visit you... sometime next week, how's that sound?"  
  
"That's fine," Makoto answered, not at all amused. She turned   
to the nonexistant girl. "How about you, when will we speak again?"  
  
The girl shrugged. "I'm afraid I can't visit as often as she   
can. Not existing is different than being dead, you know. But   
sometime."  
  
"I'm glad." Makoto smiled at the two of them cheerfully,   
innocently. "Well, see you."  
  
"Bye."  
  
"Bye.  
  
The three of them turned and exited the room through three   
different doors on three different walls. The air was still and dead   
for a few moments, but slowly, gradually, the whole place, no longer   
needed, began to fade. Soon nothing at all was left. Even the   
intense, pervading music was gone, carried up to the empty space   
between the planets, where light itself has freedom to dance. 


	16. Rainbow

Secondary Characters: Rainbow  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
  
It's not easy bein' green. It seems you blend in with so many other   
ordinary things, and people tend to pass you over 'cause you're not   
standing out like flashy sparkles in the water, or stars in the   
sky.--Kermit the Frog  
  
  
  
  
But green's the color of Spring, and green can be cool and friendly-   
like, and green can be big like an ocean or important like a mountain   
or tall like a tree.--Kermit the Frog  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She wouldn't look at them. Instead, she went over to the edge   
of the roof and sat down, massaging her temples. "I have a headache,"   
she muttered to no one in particular.   
  
Moon and Tuxedo Kamen were reuniting over on one side. Mars,   
an expression on her face that none of them had ever seen on her face   
before, was keeping an eye on Pluto. Mercury looked regarded Venus   
through her visor. "You're in perfect health," she said, not sounding   
at all surprised.  
  
Venus, on the other hand, was more confused than she'd ever   
been. "What just happened?" she asked, her voice wavering just a   
little, and she hated herself for it. Good leaders don't get upset   
like that. Good leaders also don't let all their best friends get   
murdered. "She... didn't kill us, did she?"  
  
"Yes, she did," Mercury answered. "Repeatedly."  
  
"Why do we keep coming back? We've died so many times..."  
  
"I think we're immortal."  
  
Venus was still confused, but allowed a tiny smile to creep   
onto her face. "We're immortal because we fight for love and justice,   
right? Love and justice always wins."  
  
Mercury smiled back, just as subtly. "Yes."  
  
A very soft noise interrupted their moment. Mars had her   
hands around Pluto's neck, and was squeezing as hard as she could.   
Pluto made no sound at all, and only Mars' growled mantra had alerted   
them to the altercation: "You killed her you killed her you killed   
her..."  
  
Almost immediately, Sailor Moon was there, tugging frantically   
at Mars' hands but murmuring gently in her ear. Mercury and Venus were   
there a second later, and together they got her away from Pluto.  
  
"She wasn't supposed to ever die again!!" Mars shrieked with   
such ferocity the words could not be understood. Pluto was dead and   
did not hear her anyway.  
  
After a few moments, Mars freed herself from the grip of her   
fellow senshi and stomped off to the other side of the roof. Sailor   
Moon followed, and Tuxedo Kamen tactfully left them alone and joined   
the others near Pluto's body. It was not long before she started   
breathing and looking sullen again.  
  
Mercury walked up to her cautiously. "Are you okay now?"   
she asked. "Are you..."  
  
"Shut up. Just shut up and go away." She sounded like   
somebody who hadn't had their morning cup of coffee yet.   
  
Mercury sadly did as she was told. "She should just calm   
down," Venus said upon the smart one's return. "Acting like that   
isn't going to help the situation."  
  
"I'm not sure I understand the situation," Tuxedo Kamen   
admitted. "What can we do with her? She's a murderer. We can't   
just forgive her."  
  
"I think we should," Mercury said quietly. "It obviously   
won't do any good to fight her. And if she's not going to be   
directly punished for what she did, we're going to have to work   
with her."  
  
"Divine retribution is a myth," she called out to them. "I   
should know. I came up with it myself."  
  
"What else can we do?" Venus remarked, ignoring Pluto's   
outburst. "She's one of us, no matter what she did."  
  
"The animates were senshi too, and we had no problem with   
their deaths," Tuxedo Kamen said.   
  
"What do you want to do with her?" Mercury asked. "What   
else CAN we do?"  
  
"We could banish her. Take her power and send her away."  
  
"But we might need her in the future," Mercury said. "We   
don't know. All of us may be necessary."  
  
"I feel so bad for her," Venus said. "Did you see her face   
when she was fighting us?"  
  
"Yes," Mercury answered. "It was scary."  
  
"No, it was sad," Venus said. "We can't just banish her."  
  
"Is it even possible?" Mercury asked. "CAN we take her   
power if we want?"  
  
"Probably," Tuxedo Kamen said. "But not now. She's gone."  
  
They all whirled around and saw he was right. Pluto was no   
longer there.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Her face was in her hands. It looked like she was sobbing,   
but there were no tears, just bland depression.  
  
She looked up, and noticed her surroundings had changed. She   
sighed.  
  
"So THIS is the Time Gate," a rather sarcastic voice said   
behind her. "I always wondered what it looked like."  
  
"You should have visited," Setsuna said. "I would've let you,   
if you'd asked."  
  
Her friends... rather, her family were standing around her.   
"It's very... purple," Haruka said.   
  
"And still," Michiru broke in. "There's absolutely no   
movement. You come here often?"  
  
"A lot in the old days," she said. "I practically lived here   
for a couple of hundred years, when there was nowhere else to go."  
  
"How boring it must have been," Michiru said, more than a   
touch of pity in her voice. "I'm sorry." She reached out and touched   
her friend's hand softly.  
  
"Don't be," Setsuna said. "It's obnoxious."  
  
"We're just trying to help," Hotaru said. "That's all we ever   
tried to do."  
  
"Shut up," she growled. "I don't need your condescending   
remarks. What the hell are you all doing here, anyway?"  
  
"We're trying to figure you out," a gruff voice said behind   
her. She turned and saw her god, grimacing as always. "Standing here   
are all the people in the world who care if you exist or not.   
Depressing, huh?"  
  
"Not really," Setsuna said. "I thought it wasn't this many,   
actually."  
  
"Hey, here's my question," Hotaru said. "You set up this big   
ambush, and you set it up on a roof in the middle of the night? How   
cliched can you get? Don't you have any imagination at all?"  
  
"No," Setsuna asnwered blankly. "I had it supressed about   
four hundred years ago through hypnosis. It's an evil thing. Nothing   
is more painful than being able to picture a life that's worth   
living."  
  
That seemed to depress the others, which perked her up a   
little bit.  
  
"Don't say that," Michiru said sadly. "It can't be that bad."  
  
"I don't know if it is or not," Setsuna said. "I just thought   
it sounded dramatic."  
  
Every single one of them wanted to reply to that, but none   
could think of anything to say. Eventually Haruka just changed the   
subject to the original point of the conversation.  
  
"Why did you do it, Setsuna?"  
  
She shrugged in response. "No reason."  
  
"What are you talking about, 'No reason'?" Haruka asked,   
breaking her promise not to get angry. "Don't you know what you did?   
You MURDERED us all! You must have had a reason!"  
  
"No," Setsuna answered. "I understand what I did. I   
understand how terrible most people would consider it. But I had no   
real reason to do it. I just did it."  
  
The others glanced at each other. They all knew what would   
happen if they couldn't reason with her.   
  
"Okay, let me rephrase," Haruka said. "What did you want?"  
  
Setsuna looked at her, confused. "Want?" she asked.  
  
"Yes, want, goddamn it!" Haruka burst out angrily. "Want!   
What the hell was the purpose of going and killing everybody?"  
  
Setsuna pondered that. "I wanted to feel better," she said   
eventually.  
  
"Really," Haruka said. "You wanted to feel better. And what   
exactly was it about killing us all did you think would make you feel   
better?"  
  
"It was the only thing I hadn't tried already."  
  
Pluto sighed. "That doesn't help," he grunted. "Listen, I   
got eight senshi and eight gods on my ass about you, and if we can't   
get this cleared up NOW, I won't have any choice but to just erase   
you. It would be more than fair, and everyone except us four would   
prefer it."  
  
"Just go ahead," Setsuna said. "I don't care. It's probably   
better than the alternative."  
  
"No," Michiru said forcefully. "You're part of OUR family,   
and we're not going to let anyone just throw you away."  
  
Setsuna shook her head. "Pathetic," she muttered. "Okay,   
what are you going to do instead?"  
  
"We're going to appease you," Pluto said. "Give you whatever   
you wanted so you'll go back to your life and just shut up and be   
happy."  
  
"I don't know what I wanted," Setsuna said forcefully. "I   
already told you that. I don't think I wanted anything. I have   
everything I need to be happy already."  
  
Pluto sighed. "Okay," he said. "Try this."   
  
He raised his hands, and a small body appeared inside them.   
He held it tenderly, cradling the rather large head as the chest   
rose and sank slowly, but perceivably. He then grabbed the pink   
hair in one hand and the right shoulder in the other and twisted.   
  
The crack would have been audible, if Setsuna hadn't screamed.   
She ran at him, but of course was blocked halfway there. "Bring her   
back!!" she yelled almost incomprehensively. "Bring her back!"  
  
Pluto grinned as he threw the body on the ground.   
"Congratulations!" he said. "You just acted like a normal human   
being."  
  
Chibi-Usa stood up and smiled at Setsuna. "Good for you," she   
said. "We can't help you if you block yourself off like you always   
do. Lessee, what else do you do that's normal?"  
  
"She likes ice cream," Michiru suggested.   
  
"Yes," Hotaru agreed. "She likes ice cream, and normal people   
like ice cream. That's a start, isn't it?"  
  
"I hate ice cream," Setsuna protested. "I just eat it because   
it makes people think I'm friendly and approachable."  
  
"This is ridiculous," Pluto said. "Look at her. Can't you   
people get her stop lying?"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Setsuna asked. "I don't lie."  
  
"She's always been like this," Michiru said. "I know exactly   
what she wants. She'll just deny it if I say, though."  
  
"It's not you," Setsuna muttered. "I got over you a long time   
ago. Never, in fact."  
  
"What about him?" Michiru asked suger-sweetly.   
  
"Shut up."  
  
"It can't be him," Hotaru pointed out. "He was just a   
desperate symbol for her. No, it has to be bigger than just him."  
  
"You're right," Pluto mused, nodding. "What else could it be,   
people? What does she complain about?"  
  
"Nothing," Haruka answered. "She always seemed perfectly   
happy to me. Until a couple of days ago, at least."  
  
"I seem to remember her saying something about jealousy,"   
Hotaru said, flashing Setsuna a look.  
  
"What jealousy?" Michiru asked, also flashing Setsuna a look.   
"Who's she jealous of?"  
  
"You, I think," Hotaru said. "Both of you. And me. And all   
the inners. And, I believe, random people she sees on the street."  
  
"Why?!" Pluto burst out. "She has everything! Love,   
friendship, sex, power... what the hell else do you humans want?   
She's immortal, for fuck's sake!" Setsuna looked up at him, then   
quickly away.  
  
Haruka noticed. "That's it!" she exclaimed. "That's what   
she's jealous of! We're all mortal! She wanted to die!"  
  
"Yes!" Michiru yelled excitedly. "Of course! She kills us,   
thinking she's giving us some kind of gift..."  
  
"All the while KNOWING it was an impossible task..." Haruka   
continued.  
  
"...And hoping we would come back and successfully kill her!"  
  
Setsuna grunted. "I wanted to kill you," she said softly.   
"That's all I wanted."  
  
"Oh, come on," Haruka scoffed. "You just can't kill good-guy   
senshi permenantly. You know that."  
  
"And that's the reason for that evil thing of hers!" Hotaru   
exclaimed. "So she could stay dead like the animamates did!"  
  
"We figured it out!" Haruka yelled happily. "Setsuna wanted   
to die!"  
  
They were very proud for a few minutes. Then Chibi-Usa asked   
the obvious question. "So... um, what's going to happen to her now?"  
  
"We're going to let her die," Pluto answered. "So maybe she   
can shut up and be happy, finally." He started walking toward her.  
  
"No!" she yelled. "No. You can't do that. That's not what I   
want. You...none of you understand anything."  
  
"Then what is it?" Michiru asked.   
  
Setsuna didn't move or look at them. She faced the opposite   
way, just staring out into the unmoving purple. "I..." she began,   
knowing full well she was not going to finish that sentence.  
  
A soft hand touched her shoulder. She knew by instinct it was   
Michiru's. A few seconds later, a stronger hand brushed against her   
back, then five weak fingers squeezed her arm, and finally brash,   
ticking arms hugged around her waist.   
  
All of them together in a soft embrace. They loved her, and,   
it was stupid to deny it anymore, she loved them.  
  
She walked away.  
  
"Okay, that does it," Pluto's voice growled from behind her,   
behind them. "Fuck her. She wants it like that, no problem."  
  
"No!" Haruka yelled. "No, we won't let that happen." She   
turned to the streams of green hair. "Setsuna," she said softly.   
"Setsuna, listen to me. You have anything you want. Do you   
understand? ANYTHING."  
"That's not true," Setsuna said harshly. "I'm not free.   
There's still a structure, there's still a cage."  
  
"There doesn't have to be!" Chibi-Usa protested.   
  
Setsuna turned around, a hint of a smile on her lips. "You   
really don't understand, do you? There's a storyline. There's a   
pattern that all our adventures have to fit into. It's because of   
that we live such happy lives in our sweet little world.   
  
"I thought I could change it. I thought I could force an   
unhappy ending." The smile disappeared. "It didn't work."  
  
"It can," Hotaru said.  
  
"I'm not important," Setsuna said. "Nobody has any reason to   
mess everything up so much just for me."  
  
"Try us," Pluto said.  
  
Setsuna glared at him. He glared back. She grinned.   
  
"I want to be the most important one," she said.  
  
They all disappeared.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Now, Sailor Pluto!"  
  
A flash of pink. The pumpkin-monster screamed and   
disentegrated. Sailor Pluto smiled, exhilerated and victorious, still   
holding her staff in the "dead scream" position. The person who sent   
the monster got angry.  
  
After the battle, they were all in their street clothes eating   
ice cream and talking. It was Halloween, and a small girl walked by   
in a Sailor Pluto costume.  
  
"How come they always dress up as you?" Usagi asked. "No one   
ever buys Sailor Moon costumes."  
  
"That's because most people would be embarrassed walking   
around with their hair like yours," Rei quipped, good-naturedly.  
  
Usagi stuck her tongue out at Rei. Rei stuck her tongue out   
at Usagi. Everyong else sighed, large drops of sweat slowly rolling   
down the backs of their heads.  
  
"This isn't enough," Setsuna said to nobody at all.  
  
The others broke out of their positions and stared at Setsuna   
as if she had lost her mind.  
  
"This isn't enough," she repeated. "I want it all."  
  
  
  
  
  
"You can't have it all," Pluto said gruffly in the purple   
place.  
  
"You said I could have anything I wanted," Setsuna said.   
"And I want it ALL. I want TO BE HER. You did similar things to all   
us outers."  
  
"That's because we could," Pluto said. "You're not important.   
She is. I can't mess with her like she was some kind of... secondary  
character."  
  
"You can. You're just afraid of what will happen."  
  
Pluto grimaced. "You're damn right I am! You're asking me to   
turn the whole system upside-down! The others would never let me get   
away with it. Not without her permission, at least."  
  
Setsuna glared at him. "Then let's get it." She tossed her   
hair in a sexy and uncharacteristic manner. "My whole life has been   
leading to this. It's destiny."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Off to the side, three outer senshi stood immersed in the   
purple, slowly and dully dreading the coming moment. "Haruka,"   
Michiru whispered, "are you really going to go along with this?"  
  
Haruka grimaced. "I have to. She trusts me, I think."  
  
Michiru grimaced too. "Do you think she'll really do it?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Hotaru took her faux-mother's hand. "Come on, Michiru-mama,"   
she said in a childlike tone, "this doesn't involve us."  
  
Michiru nodded sadly, down at her tiny companion. Together,   
the two of them walked away.   
  
Haruka looked up at Setsuna, who was grinning from ear to ear.   
"You'd really do this to her," she rasped, when she was sure the   
others were out of earshot. "You'd really hurt the princess, the   
messiah, to save yourself."  
  
Setsuna shrugged. "Why's she deserve it any more than I do?"  
  
"She's special."  
  
"Not for long."  
  
Haruka's eyes narrowed. She briefly considered attacking her   
friend outright, but the urge passed. "What if I don't let you? I am   
the leader of the outer senshi, remember."  
  
Setsuna laughed brightly, a beautiful sound. "What do you   
care? You'll be happy with dear Michiru-chan no matter what happens   
to the princess."  
  
"My duty..."  
  
"Your duty?!" Setsuna stopped laughing. "Oh, shut up, I'm   
tired of you. Just do what you're told; that's what you're best at,   
right?"  
  
Haruka opened her mouth to protest, but noticed a churning and   
brightening in the purple a few meters away. Setsuna smiled and held   
her hands up to her face like a small child. "She's almost here!" she  
exclaimed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi blinked. Mamoru was no longer beside her, and her   
surroundings were now purple. She was obviously in a different place.  
  
Haruka walked up to her and sighed.   
  
"I'll be blunt," she said. "Setsuna..."  
  
Usagi cut her off. "Is she okay? What's happened to her?"  
  
"Yes, she's fine," Haruka said, shaking her head at the   
kindness standing before her. "In fact, we're going to grant her   
greatest wish."  
  
Usagi literally had tears in her eyes. "Oh, I'm so happy for   
her. What is it?"  
  
Haruka also had tears in her eyes. "Don't smile, Usagi," she   
said harshly. "This is not good news."  
  
Usagi blinked. "What? If she gets this she'll be happy,   
right? And if she's happy she won't try to hurt anyone else. So how   
can it be bad?"  
  
Christ, it was like talking to a puppy.   
  
"Usagi..." Haruka said softly. "Her wish... she wants to be   
you."  
  
Usagi blinked again. "What?"  
  
"She wants to have your life."  
  
It took quite a while for the full meaning of that statement   
to sink in. "And what about me?" Usagi asked.  
  
"Your kindness is legendary," a voice came from behind her.   
"You really would do anything to spare others pain, wouldn't you?"  
  
Usagi turned and saw Setsuna standing there, smiling slightly.  
  
"I think it's obvious how much pain I'm in," Setsuna said.   
"Would a comfortable person kill repeatedly?" She walked closer.   
"Spare me that," she whispered. "Please. Let me have your life."  
  
"What about me?!" Usagi asked. Setsuna could tell how   
terrified she was.  
  
"I don't know," Setsuna said. "I guess you can have mine."  
  
It took quite a while for the full meaning of that statement   
to sink in. Usagi opened her mouth. Then she closed it again.  
  
"So, the question you have to consider is: are you willing to   
take on a lifetime of misery to spare someone else from having to go   
thorugh it?"  
  
Usagi touched her cheek briefly. It was already wet. She was   
already mourning for poor Setsuna. "This is wrong," she said softly.   
"This is all wrong. There's a third way, there has to be."  
  
Setsuna grunted, clearly unimpressed. She rolled her eyes at   
her fellow outer senshi and said, "I knew she'd do this."  
  
"No," Usagi continued, oblivious to the others, like she was   
holding a coversation with someone no one else could see. "No, there   
HAS to be another way! There has to be some way that no one has to   
suffer. There's ALWAYS another way!"  
  
Setsuna's face was frozen in an expression of stoney   
disapproval. "You're such a little girl. There's no other way."  
  
No!" Usagi shrieked, "there HAS to be! I'm just... I'm just   
not smart enough to figure it out! But Setsuna-san, you're smart, and   
you..." She turned around frantically. "Haruka-san, you're really   
smart, you can figure it out!"  
  
Haruka wasn't able to even look directly at her. "There's no   
other way."  
  
"I don't believe you!!" Usagi screeched, her hair and tears   
flying through the air. "There's ALWAYS another way! Nobody innocent   
EVER has to suffer, that's the way it works! That's love and justice,   
right?! Love and justice!!"  
  
Setsuna struck her. Usagi fell to her hands and knees on the   
soft, purple ground. She did not move, but she did cry.  
  
"You're wrong," Setsuna said calmly. "That's the way things   
used to work. The rules have changed. It's time you grew up, don't   
you think?"  
  
Usagi clenched her teeth and glared up the blurry, green form   
she assumed was Setsuna. The purple seemed stronger than ever. "Why   
are you doing this?" she rasped. "I just want to help you. I don't   
want anyone to suffer. Why can't you believe in me?"  
  
Her eyes were huge and wet and blue, like tiny oceans. Haruka   
felt sick all of a sudden and turned away. Setsuna looked deeper and   
saw more than tears there, she saw confusion and pain and white-hot   
fury and the tiniest bit of doubt. She smirked.  
  
"Maybe you won't ever believe me," she murmured. "But you   
love your friends, don't you? You'll believe them."  
  
Suddenly, Makoto was there, cloaked wholly in purple, even her   
tender, sparkling eyes. She looked confused.  
  
"Kino-san," Setsuna announced, like a schoolmarm at morning   
roll-call, "please be so kind as to tell us all what you did exactly   
seven months and fifteen days ago."  
  
Makoto shivered and had no idea why. The purple was cold, and   
so were her eyes. "What?"  
  
Setsuna leaned closer. "That night. Tell us what you did   
That Night."  
  
Makoto blinked. "That... night?"  
  
"Yes. Tell us." Setsuna indicated Usagi with a small tilt of   
her head. "Tell your friend there."  
  
Makoto noticed Usagi for the first time, and her mouth fell   
open in horror. "I can't tell HER!" she tried to say, but was cut off   
by Usagi's attack.  
  
Makoto staggered back, but kept her ground. Usagi had her   
arms wrapped around her waist and was squeezing so tightly. "Help me   
tell them how it works, Mako-chan!" she near-wailed. "They won't   
believe me. Help me tell them about love and justice, okay?"  
  
Makoto did not even seem to hear her. The purple was   
crushing, and Usagi's blonde pigtails flittered through it like smoke,   
like the smoke that wisps from newly charred flesh.  
  
Usagi looked up at her sworn protector, the most trustworthy   
person she knew. "Mako-chan?"  
  
"Were you planning on never telling her?" Setsuna asked   
breezily. "She cares about you. Were you just going to lie to her   
forever?"  
  
Makoto didn't say anything. Usagi just wouldn't let go.   
"What's she talking about, Mako-chan?" Makoto still didn't say   
anything.  
  
Setsuna rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll tell her for you."   
Makoto still didn't say anything, so Setsuna put her hand on Usagi's   
shoulder and stared deep in her eyes like a fictional hypnotist.   
"Your friend did something very bad," she said, in a voice   
appropriately like an adult preparing a very young child to learn a   
harsh fact of life. "She... murdered two men."  
  
Usagi still wouldn't let go and Makoto still wouldn't say   
anything, so Setsuna explained further. "Not youma. Not lemurs.   
People. She killed them out of cold blood because she wanted to,   
because she could."  
  
Usagi glared at Setsuna and humphed, completely unfazed. "Now   
you're just lying to get me mad. You shouldn't say horrible things   
about people..."  
  
"Stop it, Usagi-chan," Makoto interrupted.   
  
Usagi fell silent. Her grip on Makoto's waist weakened   
slightly. Her knuckles were still white from tension, but to Makoto,   
they looked dark grey.   
  
"She doesn't want to say it, but now you know it is true,"   
Setsuna said reassuringly. "I'm not sure which of you I pity more."  
  
Makoto tried to look anywhere but Usagi, but the purple was   
overpoweringly bright, Haruka seemed to drip with horror and blame,   
and Setsuna burned to look at. So she stared right down at Usagi's   
wonderfully blue eyes, which were more confused than anything else.   
"I don't understand, Mako-chan," Usagi was saying. "You could never do   
anything like that. You fight for love and justice!"  
  
"Something happened," Makoto mumbled, so quietly that Usagi   
did not even hear her. "Something that wasn't loving or just. I   
didn't know what to do, Usagi-chan." Her eyes were green again. "I'm   
sorry. Your world is so beautiful. I wish I could be a part of it   
again."  
  
Makoto blinked, surprised, because she suddenly felt a strong   
hand on her shoulder. She looked up, and Haruka was standing there.   
Her eyes were green, too.  
  
Usagi forgot her confusion and just squeezed tighter.   
Makoto's body responded by softening and squishing and fading away.   
Soon Usagi found herself hugging purple.  
  
She started, blinked, and noticed that Haruka was gone as   
well. Setsuna now had someone else with her, someone with shimmering,   
silver hair and a plain, plain face.  
  
"Do I know you?" Usagi whispered. "I feel like I should...   
who are you?"  
  
The girl smiled wistfully. She opened her mouth to speak, but   
Setsuna cut her off.  
  
"She's no one. She's just a pathetic little nobody, a   
bystander at best. The only reason she was even given existence was   
to punish two arrogant senshi who each thought they deserved   
everything on a silver platter."  
  
The girl hung her head. "I am no one," she confirmed. "But I   
remember being someone. I remember wanting to be loved, that's all."   
She looked up with a chilling expression. "And you loved me. You   
didn't even know me very well, but you did love me. I wanted to thank   
you for that."  
  
Usagi blinked. She had no idea what was going on, but was   
grateful she had something to keep her mind off of Makoto's   
revelation. "I don't remember. Why don't I remember?"  
  
"Because she never existed," Setsuna replied. "She was   
erased. She was unnecessary. And it doesn't matter how many people   
love you, if you're unnecessary, you can fall away at any moment."  
  
"That's not true!" Usagi declared, struggling to her feet.   
She limped to the nonexistant girl and grabbed her hands. "I can make   
you real again," she murmured.   
  
She gazed deep into the girl's eyes and felt love deep within   
her (for she really DID love this girl, despite never having seen her   
before) and was surprised that she did not feel a surge of power, that   
she did not find herself surrounded by magical sparklies flittering   
through the air, that the nonexistant girl did not suddenly become   
real.   
  
Her lower lip began to tremble as she dropped the girl's hand.   
"But... but that's not FAIR!" she exclaimed. "Unfair things don't   
happen, except to evil people! Everything's supposed to be okay in   
the end, why isn't it WORKING?!"  
  
Setsuna fought the urge to hit her again. "I told you before,   
the rules have changed. You can't save her." She grinned. "But you   
can save me. If you're willing to accept the responsibility."  
  
The silver-haired woman felt like crying as she watched Usagi   
sink to her knees. Usagi had loved her, and she had loved her back...   
almost as much as she loved Michiru or the funk.  
  
Usagi began to cry as the nonexistant woman slowly faded back   
into the purple, back to the nonending beat, back to the shine of   
eight million flashlights.  
  
Setsuna stood over Usagi, scowling. "You're amazing. You're   
going to be queen of the world, you have super powers and amazing   
adventures, you, your husband, and all your best friends get to be   
functionally immortal, and yet you just take it all for granted. You   
assume you deserve it all, and why? Because you're LOVING."  
  
Usagi cried harder, though she might not have been paying any   
attention at all to Setsuna's words. "Do you have any idea how many   
loving people there are in the world?" Setsuna asked with scorn.   
"What makes you so special?"  
  
"I don't think I'm special," Usagi whimpered. "I just know   
that everything will be okay if you believe in love and justice.   
That's all." She looked up, no longer crying. "Why can't you   
believe, Setsuna-san?"  
  
Setsuna ignored her. Suddenly, Rei was there.  
  
"Usagi-chan!" she yelled, forgetting her confusion at suddenly   
finding herself immersed in purple and running to her fallen friend.   
On the way there, though, she noticed Setsuna and stopped short. "I'm   
not gonna let you hurt her anymore!" she called, before transforming   
into Sailor Mars.  
  
Setsuna rolled her redwood-colored eyes. "Are you going to   
burn me?" she asked lightly, "or just strangle me again? It won't do   
any good; I'm immortal thanks to your friend there."  
  
Rei stood directly in-between Usagi and Setsuna, not moving a   
muscle. "Why?" she growled. "You killed her. You're a villian. Why   
would YOU be immortal?"  
  
Setsuna shrugged. "Don't ask me. The gods just favor her.   
To tell you the truth, emotionally they're just a bunch of little   
girls. They feel enlivened by her innocent heart. How pathetic that   
the most powerful hero in the world was chosen because she truly loves   
her boyfriend."  
  
Sailor Mars did not respond.   
  
Setsuna grinned. She reached into the purple and pulled out a   
small, black handgun. "How would you feel about dying, Rei? Right   
now?"  
  
Usagi gasped. Mars still did not move.   
  
Setsuna idly pointed the gun in Mars's direction. "And I'm not   
talking about the kind of thing that happened tonight. I mean REALLY   
dying. For good."  
  
Usagi gasped again, and Setsuna continued. "I've worked it   
out with the god Pluto, and if you're okay with it, so is he."  
  
Usagi ran forward and grabbed Mars's arm, trying to pull her   
away. Mars seemed to be made of stone and did not budge.   
  
"Here's how it will work," Setsuna said. "I'll aim the gun at   
dear Usagi-chan, and then I'll pull the trigger. And you can jump in   
the path of the bullet, and angle your body in such a way that none of   
your blood spurts onto her. And then you'll lie there on the ground,   
and she'll kneel over you, and you'll have a final moment where she   
looks into your eyes and you murmur some heartfelt last words, and   
you'll die, for real.  
  
"And for that one moment, you'll be the most important person   
in the world to her."  
  
"More important than Mamoru-san," Mars whispered.  
  
"More important than anyone. She'll love you more than she   
loves anyone else, and she'll realize, at last, how special you know   
she is."  
  
Usagi kept pulling. "Rei-chan, what's going on? Why are you   
listening to her?"  
  
Mars ignored her. She looked up at Setsuna with dark purple   
eyes, much darker than the void around them. "I'll do it," she said.  
  
Usagi's mouth fell open in absolute horror. "Rei-chan..." she   
whispered. Setsuna was grinning, and suddenly the world went red for   
Usagi. She didn't understand what was going on or why any of this was   
even happening, all she knew was that someone was going to hurt Hino   
Rei, her beloved friend, whom she loved more than... well, whom she   
loved as much as she loved everyone else.  
  
Usagi immediately began her transformation into Sailor Moon.   
Setsuna rolled her eyes. She aimed her gun right at the heart of the   
shimmering, naked form and pulled the trigger.  
  
Pluto was too fast. Mars did not have time to focus on the   
angle of her body. The bullet struck her in the stomach, and blood   
flew onto the pinkish, slender beauty. Sailor Moon froze,   
mid-transformation, and the colors went away and she was Usagi again.  
  
Mars lay on the ground, wanting to laugh but unable. Usagi   
was kneeling over her, a beautiful real thing amidst the purple   
falseness. "You outsmarted yourself," she rasped to Setsuna, whom she   
could not see. "She has to hate you now. She'll fight you and win,   
and then she'll be happy with Mamoru-san forever."  
  
Tears dilluted with blood began to rain down on her. She   
tried to look at Usagi, but everything was too fuzzy and confusing.   
"Please don't cry, Usagi-chan. It's what I wanted, okay? I've never   
been more happy than right now." She tremblingly raised her hand.   
Usagi grasped it and held it up to her own face, crying onto it. Mars   
sighed happily. "Please, Usagi... promise me something."  
  
"What, Rei-chan?"  
  
Mars closed her eyes. Speech was becoming so difficult.   
"After you beat her, after you win... don't bring me back. Please.   
Promise you won't ever bring me back."  
  
"Of course I won't promise that!" Usagi exclaimed, almost   
letting go of Mars's hand. "I want you with me, I want..."  
  
"Don't be selfish!" Mars chastised, though she couldn't stop   
smiling. "I dream about this moment every night, Usagi. It's exactly   
how I always imagined it."   
  
Then she died.  
  
Usagi barely even noticed. Rei's blood covered her clothes   
and skin. She had seen blood before, of course, but it had looked   
different then: brighter, more colorful. She half-expected angelic   
hands to come from the sky and carry Sailor Mars's limp body up to   
heaven, but nothing happened. The blood just went darker.  
  
Setsuna tossed the gun off into the purple. It made no noise   
when it hit the ground. "I can't imagine how confused you must be   
right now," she remarked with a smirk. "That's not what Rei-chan is   
supposed to want, is it? No, she's supposed to want some sort of   
successful career and have lots of fun... and most of all, she's   
supposed to want to fall in love with a handsome man, marry him, and   
live happily ever after. She's not supposed to want..." she indicated  
the corpse... "that."  
  
"You killed her," Usagi whimpered.  
  
"No, I gave her what she wanted," Setsuna replied. "What she   
wanted was to die, and the reason she wanted that was you. So,   
actually, YOU killed her."  
  
Usagi dropped Mars's hand. It fell to the ground with a   
surprisingly loud thud. "She said I should fight you."  
  
"I know. I was listening."  
  
Usagi suddenly began crying again. "I don't understand at   
all. She's not supposed to die for good! You're not supposed to be   
evil! People aren't supposed to just be thrown away because fate   
decides it doesn't have a use for them anymore. We fight for love and   
justice; love and justice shouldn't let any of this happen!"  
  
"I told you before, the rules are different now."  
  
Usagi stood up, knees wobbling. "If I switch with you, will   
Rei-chan be alive again?"  
  
"Yes, she will."  
  
"And she won't want to die for me anymore?" Usagi's voice was   
piercing, though she merely whispered.  
  
"No, she won't. A lot of things will be different."  
  
"And Mako-chan and that girl... they'll be happy?"  
  
Setsuna rolled her eyes. "I'll see what I can do."  
  
"And what about you? You won't be evil and angry anymore?"  
  
For one brief moment Setsuna felt guilty, one brief, horrible   
moment. Then she smirked again. "No, I won't."  
  
Usagi hung her head, defeated. "Then I want to do it."  
  
Setsuna paused. "Usagi... I want to make sure you understand   
the situation. This is not some wacky fantasy adventure. Not all   
good deeds are rewarded anymore. You do know that, don't you?" And   
you and Mamoru won't love each other, she certainly did not say.  
  
"I know that," Usagi whispered. "I know." Then she closed   
her mouth and refused to say any more, but she did not cry. Rei-chan   
wouldn't have wanted her to cry.  
  
The god Pluto stood behind Setsuna. "I'm happy for you,   
babe," he said. "You deserve this. She doesn't, but you do."  
  
"This isn't about her," Setsuna replied angrily, without   
looking at him. "It's about me." She walked over to Usagi and placed   
her hand on the tiny, trembling, red-stained shoulder. "All right,"   
she said, "let's get this over with."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It was a beautiful day. Setsuna opened her eyes and just   
looked out the open window for a little bit. It was gorgeous, bright   
and sunny. The breeze was slightly cool, and smells seemed to waft   
with it more easily than normal. Right now it was...evaporating rain.   
  
She stretched and looked down to the foot of the bed.   
"Morning, Luna," she said, bouncing out of bed and starting to get   
dressed. "Did you sleep well?"  
  
"As well as normal," Luna grumbled. "It's hard when somebody   
keeps rolling over you."  
  
"Whoops," Setsuna giggled. "Sorry."   
  
Luna shook herself and yawned. "Where are you going?"  
  
"Oh, I'm meeting Mamo-chan for breakfast, then Minako-chan and   
I are going shopping."  
  
Luna grunted, stretched, and went back to sleep. Setsuna   
laughed. She stuck her head out the window, inhaled the smell of   
evaporating rain, and then let it out. The sun shone on the pavement,   
and the slight mist made a rainbow hang low, seemingly within reach.   
Curious, Setsuna reached out and tried touch it, but of course didn't   
feel anything but the cool morning air.  
  
Oh well. It was beautiful anyway.  
  
  
  
  
It was another day. Usagi woke up and got dressed. She   
looked out the window, and saw what was on the outside of the window.   
She smelled something. Her skirt had a hole in it, so she put on   
another one. Outside her window a rainbow hung low in the sky,   
seemingly within reach.  
  
She walked downstairs. 


	17. Not the End

Secondary Characters: Not the End  
{Jon Carp}  
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Don't be confused. It's very simple. Only the good are   
rewarded. Only the evil are punished."  
  
"Why?"  
  
A grin. "Love and justice, motherfucker."  
  
"You're so naive."  
  
"No, I'm a realist. The world is naive."  
  
"But... but even then it's confusing. Where are the answers?   
The ultimate answers, I mean. Where are they?"  
  
"Maybe they're on the mothership that girl told us about."  
  
"Yeah, maybe."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Let's get this straight, once and for all.  
  
Michiru loves Haruka, and Haruka loves Michiru.  
  
Any questions?  
  
  
Michiru had one. Just one, though, and the doubt conflicted   
so greatly with what she knew in her heart to be true that when she   
did finally bring it up to Haruka, it was with her familiar joking,   
flirtymanner that meant, "Hey, nothing's really wrong here."  
  
And the familiar joking, flirty manner was right. It just   
took a little bit of encouragement to convince Michiru of that.  
  
"Oh, phhlppt," she raspberried (in reaction to a Haruka jibe   
about her leading on a handsome male admirer). "Kind of like you and   
Setsuna, huh?"  
  
Haruka blinked. Then she started to laugh, which ruined her   
delivery for the next joke. "Me and Setsuna? Bleah, that's like   
accusing me of trying to seduce my...ten year-old sister or   
something."  
  
Michiru raised an eyebrow. "No, it's like accusing you of   
trying to seduce your incredibly beautiful ten year-old sister."  
  
"Beautiful, huh? Maybe I should be worried about YOU and   
Setsuna."  
  
Michiru smacked her lover's arm playfully. Her message had   
been conveyed, and now was the time for fun and romance and love.  
  
And so from then on their conversation became much less goofy   
and much more romantic. But, and here's the important part, they   
were smiling the entire time.  
  
  
  
  
  
Meiou Usagi rarely smiled, for the simple reason that she   
rarely felt like it. Day in and day out she would go through her   
normal duties with an expression of bland seriousness on her face.   
She only varied it as an attempt to make the people around her feel   
more comfortable. It never worked, and to tell the truth, she   
half-assed it.She would try to say something to one of the inners,   
Minako for example, but soon she would see how uneasy she was making   
her. Then she would quickly finish her business, politely say   
goodbye, drive home at exactly the speed limit, slowly walk upstairs   
to her room, and collapse on her bed and sob for hours.  
  
It wasn't fair. Of course it wasn't, she told herself. LIFE   
isn't fair.  
  
It had been, once.  
  
The other outers had gotten used to her mood swings, but   
couldn't doa thing about it, no matter how much they tried. They   
didn't really care about her, anyway. She didn't love them enough for   
that.  
  
Once she had exhausted her tears, and just lay on her bed   
breathing.  
  
A light knock on the door, and Michiru slowly opened it and   
walked in. She placed a steaming mug on the bedside table.  
  
"I brought you some hot chocolate," she said softly, sitting   
at the foot of the bed. "Do you want to talk about it?" The routine   
question.  
  
"No. Thank you, though." The routine answer.  
  
Michiru nodded and stood up. "We're here if you need   
anything," she said on the way out the door. She would never   
understand.  
  
Usagi was alone again. She picked up the mug and took a sip.   
It was good as always.   
  
"You're depressing me," a gruff male voice said.   
  
"Sorry," she said sarcastically. "I wouldn't want to do   
that."  
  
Her god appeared in the corner of the room. "It's your own   
fault, you know. You made the decision."  
  
"I know."  
  
Usagi stretched and looked around the room sullenly.   
"Where's Hotaru?" she asked. "Doesn't she come visit me with you?"  
  
Pluto raised an eyebrow. "You remember that? This is really   
interesting. What do you remember?"  
  
Usagi shrugged. "It's like I have two sets of memories," she   
replied. "One from this life and one from... the other one."  
  
"When you were Sailor Moon."  
  
"Yes. When I was Sailor Moon."  
  
Pluto sniggered. "Well, that never really happened, y'know.   
Almost no one else remembers it."  
  
Usagi looked up at him with cold eyes. "Does Setsuna   
remember?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
Her eyes remained cold, and even became a little icy. "What   
about... him?"  
  
"Him? Him who? You mean Chiba?"  
  
She nodded slowly.  
  
"He doesn't remember a thing," Pluto said, a hard smile on   
his face. "He's... close to love and justice, you see. That's   
exactly the kind of person who could never understand your current   
situation. It's too complex. Too bizarre."  
  
She nodded slowly again. "I've tried to love him," she   
murmured to the wall or window or bedpost, "but I can't. It's   
strange."  
  
"Sailor Pluto doesn't get any love," the god replied angrily.   
"Or justice either. So stop even thinking about it."  
  
"All right," she said, still looking away from his terrible   
ugliness. There was a pause, and then she spoke again. "Where is   
Hotaru, again?"  
  
"Oh, right, she's with Sailor Jupiter today. She said she'd   
visit tomorrow."  
  
Usagi squinted in confusion. "Makoto? What're they doing   
together?"  
  
Pluto picked his teeth with a fingernail. "They're friends,"   
he said, shrugging.  
  
"That's odd. I could never imagine the two of them especially   
being friends with each other."  
  
Pluto grinned, a horrible sight. "To tell you the truth,   
they're not supposed to be." He stopped grinning. "I'll see you   
around. Don't go crazy, okay? I'm in the doghouse as it is."  
  
He disappeared. Usagi slowly finished her hot chocolate, but   
she didn't enjoy it at all.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In her current state of non-death, Hotaru never needed to   
sleep, so it was a little strange that she owned so many pajamas. It   
seemed that every time she visited Makoto's apartment, which she did   
once or twice a week, she wore the damn things.  
  
Makoto never complained, though. In fact, she enjoyed the   
atmosphere it provided; she would slip on her old bathrobe and the two   
of them would sit around talking and laughing well into the night,   
like normal, living girls with living parents.  
  
They shared secrets, too.  
  
Hotaru scooped up a large chunk of her Cherry Garcia and   
squinted at Makoto thoughtfully. "Well, if this lie is bothering you   
so much, why don't you just tell everyone you're not gay?"  
  
Makoto stirred her soft Chubby Hubby for a moment before   
answering. "They wouldn't understand," she said finally, shrugging.   
"And they'd be mad at me for lying to them for so long."  
  
"Looks like you're stuck, then," Hotaru said blithely, spoon   
sticking out of her mouth. "Though... you know what kind of people   
they are. As long as you have love, they'll be happy for you,   
regardless of what you did in the past."  
  
Makoto offered a look that was midway between a grin and a   
glower and did not reply.  
  
"Is that the only reason you broke up with this guy?" Hotaru   
asked, leaning closer. "Just because you couldn't introduce him to   
your friends?"  
  
"I told them he was a WOMAN, Hotaru-chan!" Makoto snapped.   
"And no, that wasn't the only reason. We just didn't love each other.   
Besides, he was too good a guy for me. He deserves better."  
  
"You mean he deserves someone who doesn't lie?" Hotaru asked.   
Makoto nodded sullenly.Hotaru smirked and twirled her spoon in the   
air. "I know you," she said. "You're honorable. I'm not sure   
you're even capable of consistantly sustaining a lie for this long."  
  
Makoto raised her eyebrow. "And what's THAT supposed to mean?"  
  
Hotaru didn't answer right away. She stood and, whistling   
lightly, made her way over to Makoto's CD collection, tucked in the   
corner next to the television. She reached down and began shuffling   
through it. "What's this?" she asked with mock surprise. "You   
sure do seem to have a lot American music from the seventies!   
That's a little odd. When did you pick all of these up?"  
  
Makoto nearly blushed. "Um. Over the past couple of weeks."  
  
"Hmm!" Hotaru was taking obvious pleasure in this game. "Now,   
why did you do that? You didn't buy these just so you could play   
them when a... certain person... comes to visit, did you?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"A certain... SPECIAL... person?"  
  
"Now, stop that!" Makoto snapped. "I'm NOT gay, Hotaru-chan!   
It's insulting; just because I'm tough and have a little muscle tone   
I'm necessarily a lesbian? That's an offensive, insulting idea."  
  
Hotaru shrugged. "We've entered an unconventional world since   
Galaxia left. It's not an insult to assume that you'd be able to find   
love anyway."  
  
Makoto sighed. "Okay," she admitted. "It's not true, but it's   
not so far-fetched, either. Now shut up."  
  
Grinning, Hotaru shut up.  
  
"She doesn't even exist," Makoto grumbled.  
  
"Like I said, unconventional."  
  
"REALLY unconventional."  
  
"But cute."  
  
Makoto rolled her eyes. "I'm supposed to just have a nice,   
normal boyfriend, okay?"  
  
"And I'm supposed to still be alive," Hotaru replied, shrugging.   
"The world is strange."  
  
Makoto nodded. "I guess it always was," she said. "Now it's   
just strange in a different way."  
  
Hotaru looked like she was about to say something, but took a   
bite of her ice cream instead. They ate in silence for a while,   
savoring both the flavor and the comfortable, benevolent air   
between them. Even in awkward moments like these, they shared a kind   
of friendship. There is love in friendship, and there is also   
justice.  
  
"Sometimes I miss being dead," Makoto said softly, almost to   
herself.   
  
Hotaru raised her eyebrow. "Do you really mean that?"  
  
"No, not one bit."  
  
Hotaru laughed and laughed. Makoto just grinned and placed   
another wonderful, gooey spoonful into her mouth.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The inner senshi were happy. Very happy. Happy without question.  
Happy happy happy.  
  
Even Makoto, whose happiness was rather unconventional, still   
truly, genuinely enjoyed her life, her role, herself.   
  
The happy loving meeting had just broken up, and they had said   
their joyful goodbyes and gone their contented ways from Rei's cheerful   
temple. Usagi walked in.  
  
Rei was sweeping the steps, humming some song she'd heard on the   
radio that morning and couldn't get out of her head. It wasn't a very   
good song, and she didn't like it, but she still hummed it happily.  
  
"Hello, Rei," Usagi said. Rei almost dropped the broom.   
  
"Usagi-san! What are you doing here?"  
  
"Nothing. I..." she searched for words. "Um... is the meeting   
over?"  
  
"Yes."   
  
"So..." Usagi said, slowly wandering around the room. "How's...   
your grandfather doing?"  
  
"He's fine," Rei said. "Um, yeah, he's fine."  
  
Inside, Usagi was swearing up a storm. She was failing   
miserably.  
  
"You came here for a reason, right, Usagi-san?" Rei asked.  
  
Shit. Well, a little more stalling couldn't hurt.  
  
"Rei-san, tell me about Setsuna."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Tell me about Setsuna, please. How do you really feel about   
her?"  
  
Rei blinked. "I'm not sure what you mean."  
  
"I mean, how do you feel about her? Is she your friend?"  
  
Rei nodded.  
  
"Your best friend?"  
  
Rei stopped nodding. She thought about that for a minute. "Yes,"   
she said eventually. "I think she is."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Rei folded her arms across her chest. "Why not?"  
  
Usagi glared. "It's important, Rei."  
  
Rei sighed. "I don't know," she said. "She just is."  
  
Usagi shook her head. "That's not good enough. That's not a   
reason."  
  
"She's... kind to me, I guess. She's actually kind. Not many   
people are."  
  
Usagi nodded. "I understand," she whispered. "Setsuna is loving   
and innocent no matter what, right?"  
  
Rei nodded. "I guess so."  
  
"She's not the only one, though," Usagi pointed out. "Minako is   
loving and innocent."  
  
"Minako-chan is my friend, too," Rei said.  
  
"Yes, but why Setsuna?" Usagi asked, more loudly than she   
intended. "What is it about HER?"  
  
Rei blinked. Poor girl, Usagi thought. This situation was so   
strange for her.   
  
"Usagi-san?" Rei asked. "You're not... crying, are you?"  
  
"No, of course not," Usagi said. "You were saying, about   
Setsuna?"  
  
Rei sighed. "I don't know," she said once again. "She's just   
Setsuna. Nobody could ever be like she is."  
  
"Are you sure?" Usagi asked.   
  
Rei thought for a minute. "Yes," she said. "I'm sure."  
  
"Are you in love with her?"  
  
Rei dropped her broom. It clattered to the cold, hard steps   
and slid down before stopping at Usagi's feet. "Excuse me?!" Rei   
exclaimed.  
  
"You heard what I asked."  
  
Rei's face was an appropriately dark shade of red. She laughed   
nervously, loudly. "Of course I don't! That would be... Of course   
I don't!"  
  
Usagi slowly picked up the broom and handed it to Rei. Rei   
snatched it away and began sweeping violently.   
  
After a moment, she glanced up at Usagi, who was still looking at   
her with that eerie, dull expression. "Usagi-san!" she exclaimed, "I   
don't! I'm not! I wouldn't! So stop it!"  
  
Usagi nodded. "I believe you." Her expression did not change   
at all, but she somehow looked sadder than before. Rei kept staring   
down at the steps she was sweeping, hiding her still-red face behind   
waves of soft, beautiful hair.   
  
An uncomfortable moment passed that way.  
  
"I apologize if I embarrassed you," Usagi said finally, managing   
to sound both bored and heartbroken at the same time. "I just want to   
understand you inner senshi more. Ever since Galaxia, you've been a   
mystery to me. I can't understand wanting to die for someone you   
don't love."  
  
"I don't... WANT... to die for her," Rei replied softly. "But   
I will, if I have to."  
  
Usagi didn't answer. Rei looked up at her, with a strangely   
piercing glare. "You died, too."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Well, why did you die? Why didn't you and Hotaru fight back?"  
  
Usagi shrugged. "We did what we were supposed to do."  
  
Rei squinted at her. "I don't understand you outers at all,"   
she said.  
  
Usagi suddenly felt very uncomfortable. She looked away and   
nodded. "Well, thank you for your help, Rei-san." She turned her back   
on Rei and walked out of the temple. She didn't start crying until she   
got home.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Minako couldn't believe it. Here they were, the three of them,   
sharing girl-talk and about to hear some juicy bit of Makoto's love   
life (which she could live vacariously later that night, with that   
part of Makoto's girlfriend played by one of a number of hunky high   
schoolers) and Ami wouldn't even stop studying! With no small amount   
of satisfaction she imagined herself grabbing that damn book out of   
Ami's hands, throwing it down on the ground, and stomping on it.   
  
In reality, she just waved her hands in the air and snapped at her   
friend, "Stop that, Ami-chan! Now is not the time for study! Now is   
the time for gossip!"  
  
Ami blushed and did her best to hide her face completely behind   
her book. "But I don't want to hear about Mako-chan's personal life,"   
she said timidly. "It's her business, after all."  
  
Makoto smiled warmly. "It's okay, Ami-chan, I'm used to it. Um,   
I don't have much to say, anyway."  
  
Minako nearly screeched. "What are you talking about? You're   
the only one of us with a love life, you can't hold out on us now!"  
  
"Um, actually, that's not true," Makoto said warily. "My   
girlfriend and I... broke up."  
  
Minako did screech then. "Aaaa! Mako-chan! Why?!"  
  
"We just didn't love each other," Makoto replied, shrugging.  
  
Ami touched Minako's arm timidly. "What are you so upset   
about?" she asked. "You never even met her."  
  
Minako hung her head in absolute misery. "I could FEEL it was   
the real thing between you two!" she exclaimed. She crossed her arms   
across her chest and humphed. "None of us are EVER gonna fall in   
love," she muttered.  
  
"Don't say that," Makoto said reassuringly. "We will. We   
just have to be patient."  
  
Minako grinned. "Thanks, Mako-chan. Y'know, I would never, ever,   
ever be like you, but sometimes I wish I was, so I could date you."  
  
There was a deeply awkward pause, during which Ami became red as   
a beet and considered excusing herself from the room.  
  
"But I'd never be like that," Minako clarified. "So, um, that   
would never happen."  
  
"So, Mako-chan," Ami said quickly, "when did you break up?"  
  
"Oh, last week," Makoto replied, just as quickly. "It was a   
mutual thing."  
  
Minako smacked Makoto on the arm. "Last week?!" she snapped.   
"What were you doing all day yesterday, then? You said you couldn't   
come to the cafe!"  
  
Makoto blinked. "Oh, I spent the day with Hotaru-chan."  
  
"Hotaru?" Minako wailed, disappointed. "You spend too much   
time with her!"  
  
"Don't be rude, Minako-chan!" Ami admonished. "It's not polite   
to say things like that." She looked at Makoto and tilted her head   
sideways slightly. "But you DO spend a lot of time with her. Are   
you... dating her?"  
  
"Ami-chan!" In an evening full of blushes, Makoto was the   
reddest anyone had been yet. "She's a GHOST! And she's, like, NINE!   
Of course I'm not dating her!"  
  
Ami looked down at her lap. "O-of course," she stammered.   
"Sorry."  
  
Makoto softened. "I'm sorry I backed out of our plans yesterday.   
You guys are still my best friends. There are just some things I can   
only talk about with an outer senshi. You understand?"  
  
"Nope!" Minako replied cheerfully, "but we forgive you anyway,   
don't we, Ami-chan?"  
  
"Y-yes." Ami didn't sound very sure of herself, but she smiled   
in a reassuring, unforced way a moment later.  
  
Makoto smirked and shook her head. "You guys are the greatest.   
Literally, the greatest."  
  
Minako grinned and slapped her friend on the back really hard.   
"Of course we are!" she shouted. "We're inner senshi!" She laughed   
ridiculously, resplendently, and the others couldn't help but join in.  
  
And meanwhile, far across town, Usagi ran out of tears and fell   
asleep.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The next afternoon was dark and gloomy. With satisfaction, Usagi   
slipped on her sunglasses and walked outside.  
  
Haruka looked up from her half-waxed car and waved. "Hey, why   
are you wearing those?" she asked, wiping sweat from her brow. "It's   
overcast."  
  
"Not for long," Usagi answered simply.   
  
"You think so?" Michiru asked, looking up from the magazine she'd   
been reading on the patio. "Good. We've needed some sun, don't you   
think?"  
  
"Planning on sunbathing today?" Haruka asked, raising an   
eyebrow.  
  
"Wouldn't you like to know," Michiru replied, grinning.  
  
Haruka grinned too. "Why don't you show me lat..."  
  
"Oh, shut UP, you two," Usagi snapped. "Why don't you just say   
what you mean? 'I would like to see you wearing a provocative   
outfit.' 'Really? Will it lead to sex?' 'Yes, probably. But first we   
have to flirt for about FIVE HOURS!!'"  
  
Michiru scowled. "Oh, you're just a cynic," she said.  
  
"I'm much more than that," Usagi mumbled. "Have your fun, you   
two. I'm fine by myself."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Of course," Usagi said. "I always am, right?" She grinned   
fakely at them.  
  
She started to walk away, but Haruka's throaty voice stopped   
her. "Wait, Usagi... is something wrong?"  
  
Usagi turned around, regarding her friends with hidden but   
piercing eyes. "For the past few days, you've been acting strangely,"   
Michiru added, standing beside her lover, touching her softly. "Like   
you've lost something."  
  
After a blandly cold moment, Usagi took off her sunglasses,   
ennui on her face but desperation in her eyes. "Do you think I'm   
cruel?"  
  
Michiru blinked. "What?"  
  
"Am I cruel? Am I a bad person?"  
  
"That's a silly question, Usagi, why would you ask us that?"  
  
"Because I don't have anyone else to ask," Usagi answered   
bitterly. "I think I am. That's what it is, isn't it? That's what's   
wrong with me."  
  
"Usagi, there's nothing wrong with you." Haruka said forcefully.  
  
"There's something more wrong with me than not," Usagi said blandly.   
  
"There's no reason I shouldn't have everything that Setsuna has...   
except, she's a good person who would never hurt hate anybody. That's   
the difference."  
  
"I don't understand," Michiru said softly. "Where did this come   
from?"  
  
"We live in a world that rewards the good, sweet, pure people.   
It's impossible to be evil without eventually either dying or   
spontaneously becoming good. Haven't you noticed that?"  
  
Haruka nodded. "Yes, actually. But that's just because we're   
so good at what we do, right?"  
  
"No." Usagi sighed. "It's because that's the way the universe   
is. Don't you see? We can't lose. We have the best, sweetest, purest   
one on our side."  
  
She smiled bitterly at them. "And it's not me."  
  
She walked away. She had somewhere to be.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
As the harsh, grey dusk began to cover the city streets, Usagi   
pressed herself closer to the brick wall so that only the flickering   
tip of her cigarette was visible in the murky shadows. Her eyes   
remained fixed on the opposite sidewalk.   
  
He would be walking by soon. He always walked the short distance   
from his apartment to the nearby coffee shop; it was a few blocks, but   
the exercise invigorated him.   
  
She knew he would be going to the coffee shop, because that was   
what he did every evening that was not taken up by monster-fighting or   
girlfriend-dating. He would sip his coffee and read his complicated   
books, fully enjoying the path to being a wise, knowledgable king. He   
was brilliant, really.  
  
She did not know exactly why she followed him like this. Her   
love had been annuled. The sight of him inspired anger and nausea,   
nothing more, and yet often, when she had nothing else to do, she would   
just watch him walk. It was a mystery.  
  
She suddenly became accutely aware of a person leaning against   
the wall beside her. She assumed it was just some bum, and turned to   
give him a harsh look, but froze when she saw who it really was. A   
former, never friend.  
  
"Hi," Makoto said cheerfully, bowing her head slightly. She was   
propped-up against the wall next to Usagi, in the same shadows.  
  
"Good evening, Makoto-san," Usagi replied, dropping her cigarette   
on the ground and stepping on it. "What brings you to this part of   
town?"  
  
"I could ask you the same question." Makoto remarked, looking   
across the street vaguely. "Have you been up to see Mamoru-san? His   
apartment is very nearby."  
  
Usagi did not reply. Manners required that she did not light   
another cigarette, but damn, she wanted one.  
  
Makoto still would not look at her. "So, are you just people-  
watching, or what?"  
  
"Yes, I suppose I am," Usagi answered calmly. Inwardly, she   
cursed. Makoto knew her secret somehow, she knew about her bizarre   
obsession. She'd tell the other inner senshi, and then all chances of   
reconciliation would be gone for good.  
  
"Has he ever noticed you watching him?"  
  
Usagi gave up and fished out her pack of cigarettes. She removed   
one and lit it, taking a deep drag before answering. "No, never. I'm   
good at being ignored."  
  
Makoto finally looked at her, a blithe smile on her face. "Can I   
bum one of those?" she asked.  
  
Usagi blinked, then removed a single cigarette and handed it over   
before offering her lighter. "How long have you smoked?"  
  
Makoto puffed merrily. "Months. You?"  
  
"Decades."  
  
Makoto smirked. "Or days. It all depends on your point of view,   
I guess."   
  
Usagi froze.  
  
Makoto's face became somber. "Usagi-san, I know everything," she   
said suddenly. "I know everything that happened."  
  
The cigarette fell from Usagi's fingers and gave off tiny sparks   
when it hit the sidewalk. "What do you know?" she barely rasped.  
  
"I know you used to be Sailor Moon, but then you and Setsuna-chan   
went back to the past and switched places."  
  
"How?" Usagi whispered. She could not muster the breath to say   
any more.  
  
"Hotaru-chan told me," Makoto answered. "I didn't remember,   
myself. I guess there wasn't anything to remember, since it never   
really happened. But, anyway, she told me."  
  
Usagi did not move. On the other side of the street, Chiba   
Mamoru walked past, but neither of them noticed.  
  
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry," Makoto continued. "I was   
supposed to protect you. I know it was your choice, but... it was my   
responsibility to keep bad things from happening to you."  
  
"Don't worry about it," Usagi said. "I couldn't stop your bad   
thing from happening to you, remember? I never even knew about it."  
  
"That's because I never told you."  
  
"That's no excuse," Usagi snapped. "I should have known. I was   
such a terrible friend to you guys. I just stood and watched while   
Galaxia killed you.  
  
"Do you remember when Nehelenia trapped the two of us together in   
that field? You sacrificed yourself to save me, and all I could think   
about was... him." She looked up at the opposite sidewalk, scanning it   
blankly.  
  
Makoto glanced at her watch. "I think you missed him."  
  
"That's okay," Usagi grunted, "I don't care about him, anyway.   
Our love never existed."  
  
Makoto shrugged. "Don't discount nonexistant love," she   
remarked, a strange look in her eyes. "Don't discount anything."  
  
Usagi decided to not ask any questions. "It doesn't matter. I   
deserved to lose it. I deserved to lose everything."  
  
Makoto flicked her cigarette to the ground. "Normally, I'd be   
freaking out right now," she said, grinning. "I'd yell and scream,   
telling you how you were the best thing that ever happened to us and   
how much we all loved you. I know that wouldn't do any good, though.   
Besides, it's not even true anymore. Setsuna-chan is Sailor Moon now;   
she's the focus of our lives."  
  
Usagi nodded. "And I'm Sailor Pluto." She chuckled humorlessly   
and lit another cigarette.  
  
Makoto shifted uncomfortably; despite her forced cheerfulness,   
this conversation was obviously difficult for her. "Listen...   
Usagi-san, I'm not smart enough to understand anything about time travel   
or alternate realities or anything like that, but no matter what   
happened, you still have the same heart, right?"  
  
"I suppose so."  
  
"Then you can be happy. I mean, you probably won't ever be   
Sailor Moon again, but that doesn't matter. You can change your role.   
You just have to accept that everything will be different."  
  
"Yeah?" Usagi muttered sarcastically, "and when did you get so   
wise?"  
  
"When I stopped being an inner senshi."  
  
There was a deep pause. The sky grew darker. A star came out,   
so dim against the city lights, struggling to be seen. Too weak to be   
truly beautiful. Too weak to grant wishes.  
  
The pause continued.  
  
"You scared the hell out of poor Rei-chan yesterday, y'know,"   
Makoto said finally.  
  
"Oh?" Usagi did not even remove the cigarette from her mouth when   
she spoke. "She told you about that?"  
  
Makoto nodded. "She just had no idea what to make of it."  
  
"What did she say?" Usagi asked, a barely hopeful tint to her   
voice.  
  
"Not much," Makoto replied, shrugging. "She just said it was   
strange how you just showed up and started asking her all these   
questions. And then she kind of went off on you in general."  
  
Usagi's stomach lurched. "She did?"  
  
"Yep. Nothing too serious, just how annoying it is that you won't   
tell anybody anything, even when it's important. And how you look down   
on us because we're not outer senshi. And, well, how weird it is that   
you live in that house alone with Harukasanandmichirusan."  
  
"Weird?"  
  
"Yeah, well, it is kind of weird. The two of them are   
practically married. Unless there's something going on with all THREE   
of you..."  
  
Usagi glared. Makoto chuckled. "Yeah, I figured there wasn't."  
  
"Fine," Usagi said, annoyed. "If it's so 'weird,' I'll move out   
and get my own apartment."  
  
Makoto looked at Usagi with a sideways grin. "You really care   
what she thinks, don't you?"  
  
Usagi did not answer right away. She did not get a chance to   
answer at all, because at that moment a familiar piercing voice filled   
the shadows that surrounded them. "Mako-chan! What are you doing   
here?"  
  
And then Tsukino Setsuna was there, looking surprised, happy, and   
suspicious all at the same time. "Who are you talking to?" she   
continued, oblivious. "Oh! Usagi-san! What are you two doing in   
this neighborhood?"  
  
"We were just taking a walk," Usagi replied calmly. "I wanted to   
speak with Makoto-san about Hotaru."  
  
"Oh... there's nothing wrong, is there?"  
  
"No, nothing at all," Makoto answered quickly. "Just a chat,   
really. Usagi-san is trying to reach out to us inner senshi. Right,   
Usagi-san?"  
  
"Yes," Usagi answered, glancing at Makoto with the kind of look   
Laurel is always giving to Hardy. "I wanted to speak with Mamoru-san as   
well, but he wasn't home."  
  
"Oh, so that's why you're here," Setsuna said. "He's probably at   
the coffee shop down the street. I was gonna go surprise him since I   
finished my work earlier than I thought."  
  
"You finished already?!" Makoto blurted. "I haven't even started   
on it yet!"  
  
Setsuna shrugged. "Wasn't too hard. I'd help you with it, but I   
haven't seen Mamo-chan in days!"  
  
"Yeah, that's okay," Makoto said, waving her hand dismissively.   
"I'll get Ami-chan to help me."  
  
"Good idea," Setsuna replied, nodding enthusiastically. "Call   
me later if you have any questions, okay?"  
  
"I will, thanks."  
  
Setsuna turned to Usagi and grinned nervously. "Um, you said you   
had to talk to Mamo-chan, so..."  
  
"I'll do it later," Usagi interrupted, frighteningly reassuring.   
"Some things are more important, right? Have fun on your date."  
  
Setsuna brightened instantly, probably from the knowledge that she   
would not have to talk to Usagi anymore. "Thanks! I'll see you both   
later!" She then ran off, so happy.  
  
When she was out of sight, Usagi fell back against the wall and   
sighed. "It doesn't really work, does it?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Her." Usagi shrugged. "She's so... beautiful and tall and   
smart and everything."  
  
Makoto regarded her with a raised eyebrow. "What are you talking   
about? It works really well. She's the perfect hero."  
  
Usagi did not reply for a moment, then she chuckled and ran her   
hand through her stiff bangs. "You're right, of course she is. I don't   
know what I was thinking."   
  
Makoto did not know how to reply to that, so she stayed silent and   
looked at her watch again.   
  
"Are you late for something?" Usagi asked.  
  
"I'm supposed to meet Harukasanandmichirusan for dinner in a half   
hour," Makoto replied. "I can call and cancel, if you'd rather..."  
  
"Don't bother," Usagi interrupted. "Why would I want to talk to   
you any more? You can't do anything for me. It's too late."  
  
Makoto visibly flinched, but when she spoke after a minimal pause,   
her voice did not waver. "Rei-chan was very angry when she was talking   
about you yesterday. I was surprised; usually Setsuna-chan is the only   
one that can get her so upset."  
  
Then she calmly, slowly walked away.   
  
Usagi swore, dug herself deeper into the shadows, and lit another   
cigarette.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi had known it was a vile habit when she put the first   
cigarette in her mouth, eighty-odd years ago. Still, it tasted so good   
and felt so right she nearly fainted. The knowledge that she might   
give herself cancer only heightened her enjoyment.  
  
Hotaru, of course, was beyond that sort of thing, and hated   
cigarettes. Her passion for cigars, however, seemed to annoy everybody   
but herself.  
  
"Why do you have to smoke those stupid things?" she asked,   
appearing from nowhere.   
  
Usagi raised an eyebrow. "Your FRIEND Makoto smokes them,   
too," she said bitterly. "That doesn't bother you. You have just   
great times with her."  
  
"Don't be a grouch," Hotaru said, walking over to the window and   
opening the blinds. "See? It's a beautiful day."  
  
"No it's not," Usagi said, walking over to the window and closing   
the blinds. "It's disgusting outside."  
  
Hotaru frowned. "You need to wake up," she said. "Open those   
big smooshy eyes of yours and take a good look around you." She   
reopened the blinds and put her arm around Usagi, puffing on her cigar.   
"It's a bright, colorful world out there," she said. "You just sit in   
this big boring house all by yourself. That's not fair, you should be   
enjoying yourself. Look. Outside, cherry blossoms sprinkle down on   
schoolgirls with oddly-colored hair, attractive people roam the streets   
with strange, interesting expressions on their faces, and bizarre   
speech balloons and symbols appear in midair next to emotional people's   
heads. And you're never a part of it.  
  
"When's the last time a little picture or a symbol appeared next   
to your head, Usagi? When's the last time your facial expression   
extended beyond the physical boudaries of your head? You know what your   
problem is, girl, you have no sense of fun."  
  
The god Pluto appeared, puffing on a pipe. "Yeah," he agreed.   
"We're worried about you, babe."  
  
"Oh, just go away," Usagi said weakly.  
  
"Nuh uh," Hotaru said. "You're not participating."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Nope." Hotaru grinned. "Not until you do something fun.   
Like... I dunno...one of those big sweatdrop things. Make one of those   
big sweatdrops appear on the back of your head, and we'll go."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you can," Pluto said, grinning. "That's the only reason   
you need to do anything in this wacky world."  
  
"Just imagine how boring everything would be if people couldn't   
do stuff like that," Hotaru added.  
  
Usagi folded her arms across her chest. "I don't feel like it."  
  
"Oh, of course not," Hotaru said. "You have no reason to, right   
now. I'll give you one, though." She cleared her throat. "Ahem. 'I   
am smoking a cigar... AGAIN." They both looked at her expectantly.   
She scowled.  
  
"Oh, hey," Pluto announced. "Now I am nagging you... AGAIN." He   
smiled at Usagi hopefully.  
  
Usagi lit another cigarette. "Listen to me," she said. "Listen   
close, this is important. I do not want to make a big stupid sweatdrop   
appear on the back of my head. No matter what you do, I never will   
want to make a big stupid sweatdrop appear on the back of my head.   
You're bothering me. Piss off."  
  
Hotaru shook her head. "Sad," she remarked. "It's just sad."  
  
"She's fallen far," Pluto agreed.  
  
"Stop reminding me of that," Usagi said tensely. "This is hard   
enough as it is."  
  
"Just try," Hotaru pleaded. "You've always been perfect as you   
are, but it's not working anymore to just be you. You have to change,   
if you want to be happy."  
  
"Change? What are you talking about?"  
  
"You're not the hero anymore," Hotaru said. "You need to accept   
it."  
  
Usagi shoved her cigarette violently down into the ashtray. "I can   
do better. I can make everybody see..."  
  
"Think for once in your life, babe," Pluto said gruffly. "Look   
inside yourself. Your heart is no longer gold, and you have to live   
with it."  
  
Usagi grimaced. "It's not fair," she said.   
  
"It's not supposed to be," Pluto said. "Of course there's a bias   
towards goodness. But you're BETTER than Setsuna was, babe. All you   
have to do is try."  
  
At that moment, Michiru knocked on the door, and Hotaru and Pluto   
instantly disappeared. "Come in," Usagi called, rolling her eyes.  
  
The door opened and Michiru stuck her head in, nose immediately   
scrunching in disgust. "Ugh, I smell cigars. Was Hotaru-chan just   
here?"  
  
Usagi nodded.  
  
Michiru frowned. "She visits you more than she does me or   
Haruka."  
  
"Does that bother you?"  
  
"To be honest, it does."  
  
Usagi shrugged. "I need her more," she said simply.  
  
Michiru opened her mouth to say something, but Usagi cut her off.   
"Don't worry about it. When there's danger, she'll come back to life   
and you'll be a family again."  
  
Michiru smiled gratefully. "The four of us are a very strange   
family."  
  
Usagi looked up at her beautiful friend with oddly soft eyes.   
"Michiru-san, I'm going to move out of this house next week."  
  
Michiru blinked in surprise. "What? Why? Do you have to go   
back to the future or the time gate?"  
  
"No, nothing like that," Usagi said, smiling gently. "I've   
leased an apartment just in town. I don't want to be in your way   
anymore."  
  
Touched, Michiru walked in the room and placed her hand on   
Usagi's arm in a sisterly but casually flirtatious manner. "Don't say   
that, Usagi, of course you're not in our way."  
  
Usagi looked at the wall; it was finely striped and she could   
almost see entire worlds in the confusing patterns. "I've been   
selfish," she said, and then brought her gaze up to Michiru's gorgeous   
eyes and understood vaguely how Haruka could love her so much. "The   
two of you deserve a chance to enjoy your lives together."  
  
"Usagi..."  
  
"I won't be far away." Usagi could not believe she was on the   
verge of crying. "You'll be with each other forever, you know. That's   
what fate has in store for you."  
  
Michiru's eyes, full of gratitude, began to involuntarily spill   
tears as she nearly gaped at her friend. "Why are you so surprised?"   
Usagi asked. "You're soulmates; you knew that."  
  
Michiru threw her arms around Usagi, not even caring that she came   
across as a giddy, inane schoolgirl. Usagi cautiously returned the   
embrace. "Of course you're each other's happy ending," she said into   
the mass of silky, seafoam hair. "Of course you'll be happy together   
forever, even in this menacing, unfair world. Why is that so   
shocking?"  
  
Michiru just hugged her tighter and made a noise that was either   
a laugh or a sob, and probably both together.  
  
  
  
"Did she listen to a word we said?" Pluto asked.  
  
"Of course she didn't, she's an idiot," Hotaru said. She puffed   
her cigar.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The new apartment was large, but with Harukaandmichiru's help   
Usagi had only needed an hour to unpack and settle in. Her two friends   
had stayed for a late lunch, then left at Usagi's insistance. That had   
been four hours previous, and they were by now almost definately having   
sex.   
  
Usagi sat in front of her mirror, a different one than she'd had   
in her old room; the apartment was fully furnished. She felt the back   
of her head. It was dry.   
  
She sighed. "I can't believe this," she muttered. "I used to be   
able to do it."  
  
She tried again. Her head remained dry. She closed her eyes and   
imagined in stark detail some oblivious schmoe loudly embarrassing   
himself, but her head remained dry. She clenched her fist, gritted her   
teeth, and punched the mirror.  
  
But stopped just before she made contact. Her hand dropped   
limply down to her side.  
  
"I don't know who did this," she growled. "I don't know if it   
was Setsuna or the gods or Kami-sama, but you really took every single   
thing away from me. Whoever you are, I hate you."   
  
No one heard her. Hotaru was playing Monopoly with Jesus (and   
winning) and Pluto was looking at pornography in his throne room.   
Nobody else really cared.  
  
"My husband, my daughter, my best friends, my family... this is   
what it all comes to. Love and Justice."  
  
With that particularily bitter utterance, she stomped into her   
kitchen to get that bottle of particularily bitter whiskey she had   
picked up earlier, but before she even got halfway across the room,   
there was a knock on the door and she froze.  
  
Someone happy had made that knock, she could tell. Someone with   
light, soft knuckles and cheerful demeanor to add that little flick of   
the wrist that gave the knock such a merry little echo.   
  
Suspiciously, she crept to the door and opened it slightly. Kind,   
red eyes smiled back at her.  
  
Setsuna and Mamoru stood in the hallway, both looking genuinely   
happy to see her. He bowed while his girlfriend grinned and waved   
cheerfully. "Hi, Usagi-san!" she nearly bellowed.   
  
"Good afternoon," Usagi said politely, fighting the urge to break   
drinking glasses over both of their heads. "Come in, please."  
  
They stepped inside, and she noticed for the first time that   
Mamoru held an expensive-looking bottle of wine with a ribbon tied   
around the neck, and Setsuna carried a small pillow. "We heard you   
just moved into your new place, and thought we'd drop by and say   
hello."  
  
"It was Haruka-san's idea," Mamoru explained. "We saw her last   
week, and she suggested it."  
  
Usagi blinked. "That's very nice of you," she said calmly,   
though she was sure a hideous blush was now spreading across her pale   
skin; that was another reason she envied Setsuna, no one could tell   
when she was nervous. "I'm afraid I don't know much about wine, but   
that looks lovely, Mamoru-san. And what do you have there,   
Setsuna-san?"  
  
Setsuna blushed, but it was barely noticeable. She thrust the   
pillow into Usagi's hands. Embroidered on the front was an adorable,   
abstract rabbit's head, just a circle with two ovoid ears. "See,   
because of your name?" Setsuna explained hopefully. "Um... I know it's   
not very good, I'm sorry. I spent a lot of time on it, though! It's   
all right if you don't want to keep it."  
  
Usagi regarded the pillow and couldn't help smiling. "Don't be   
silly, it's beautiful." She walked across the room and placed it   
prominantly on her love-seat. She turned around, and saw with some   
chagrin that the two of them were still just standing there with "glad   
to be here" expressions on their faces. "I'm sorry if I'm not a very   
good host," she said quietly. "I wasn't expecting guests."  
  
"That's okay," Setsuna replied with sincere cheerfulness. "I   
just really like what you're trying to do by bringing the two teams   
together. We wanted to return the gesture, that's all."  
  
Mamoru nodded, placing his hand between his girlfriend's shoulder   
blades. "But we can leave now, if you want," he said.  
  
"No, no, of course not," Usagi said, confused but stable.   
"Please, stay. I enjoy your company."  
  
Setsuna smiled broadly. "That's great! The others should be up   
any minute."  
  
Usagi blinked. "The others?"  
  
  
  
Three hours later.  
  
Usagi stumbled onto her patio and rested her head against the   
cool, ceramic railing. She had not expected having to host a party for   
the inner senshi, and it was a taxing job indeed. Whispering a curse,   
she tried to supress the thought that she'd be having the time of her   
life if she'd only still been Sailor Moon.  
  
Makoto had been giving her sympathetic glances all night long,   
which only made everything worse. Mamoru kept trying to talk to her,   
probably because they were the only two people there that could have   
anything resembling an adult conversation, but that made everything   
even worse. Ami and Minako did their best to ignore her, Ami out of   
trepidation and Minako out of obliviousness, and Setsuna just kept   
being so goddamn nice. And Rei...  
  
Usagi closed her eyes and lit a cigarette, her excuse for escape.   
"It's my damn apartment," she muttered, "I should be able to smoke in   
it if I want to." The curling wisps rolled past her lips and up into   
the sky, and she followed them with her eyes. The stars were so dim   
against the city lights.  
  
"Seiya," she found herself whispering, and then almost laughed   
out loud. She hadn't even loved him in the other life, much less this   
one, and besides, he was gone for good. She wished him well.  
  
A sudden impulse struck her, and she reached into her pocket and   
pulled out her cellular phone, dialed a familiar number, and waited.  
  
After three rings, there was a rough click, and a throaty voice   
barked, "Yes?!"  
  
"Am I interrupting something?" Usagi asked, deadpan.  
  
"Usagi!" Haruka sounded glad to hear her voice. "What's the   
matter, miss us already?"  
  
Michiru said something in the background that made Haruka laugh,   
and Usagi just rolled her eyes. "Hardly. I'm just calling to thank   
you for your lovely surprise tonight."  
  
Haruka grinned verbally. "Oh, are they still over there? Hey,   
you're the one that wanted to bring us all together."  
  
"It's not so bad," Usagi said, leaning back against the railing.   
"Some of them are really growing up."  
  
"That's true. Makoto's got a good head on her shoulders. The   
two of us are going to try to learn capoeira in the afternoons this   
summer." There was a moment of muffled conversation on that end of   
the line, then Haruka spoke clearly again. "And Michiru says Ami   
wanted to learn to paint. She thinks it's to impress a boy, but she's   
not sure."  
  
"I'll bring it up during truth or dare," Usagi said dryly.   
  
Haruka laughed. "Really, is it that bad?"  
  
"No, it's not bad at all. They..." Usagi trailed off. The   
balcony door opened and Hino Rei stood there, looking embarrassed at   
interrupting her colleague's telephone conversation.   
  
"Usagi?" Haruka asked.  
  
"I'll call you back tomorrow," Usagi said. She turned the phone   
off and swallowed hard, never losing the stony expression that formed   
automatically at the sight of another human being. "Rei-san, do you   
need something?"  
  
Rei stepped closer, covering Usagi with her blood as the world   
glowed purple and final rasping breaths sawed through the air. "Um, I   
was looking for your bathroom," she replied.  
  
"There's one off of the bedroom. It's at the end of the hallway   
to the right."  
  
Rei nodded uncomfortably. "Thank you."   
  
Usagi raised an eyebrow. "Was that all you wanted?"  
  
"Well, no. Everyone wanted to know what was taking you so long,   
but I see you were on the phone."  
  
"I see," Usagi said, nodding. "It was probably impolite of me to   
come out here and neglect my guests, hmm?" She looked up at Rei, who   
stared back blankly. "Rei-san, this probably isn't the best place to   
mention it, but I apologize for being rude to you the other day."  
  
Rei waved her hand in the air dismissively. "Don't worry about   
that. It was just a little strange. I didn't expect you to say   
anything like that."  
  
Usagi shrugged. "Everything has changed since Galaxia left. We   
can all relax now and concentrate on things like love."  
  
Rei shifted her weight uncomfortably. "Um, yeah," she said,   
looking into the night sky at nothing. "Usagi-san, why did you ask me   
that question when you came to the temple? Is there going to be   
trouble in the future? Will I have feelings that end up hurting her?"  
  
Usagi wasn't sure whether she wanted to laugh trippingly or cry   
for hours, but she held both urges tightly within herself. "You'll   
never bring her anything but happiness, Rei-san."  
  
Rei smiled gratefully, then hardened her features again. "I'm   
not in love with her," she snapped.  
  
Usagi laughed trippingly. "I know, I know."  
  
Rei crossed her arms over her chest and regarded her colleague   
with a sideways glance. "You've really been different recently."  
  
"What do you mean, different?"  
  
Rei shrugged. "Less like an outer senshi. More like an actual   
human being."  
  
"Hmm, an actual human being," Usagi mused, tilting her head in   
mock-concentration. "Nope, I don't think anyone's ever called me that   
before."  
  
Rei giggled. "See, none of us would ever expect you to say   
something like that. You're acting just like you did when we were in   
Heaven."  
  
Usagi shrugged. "Like I said, everything is different now."  
  
Rei smiled, but there was something tantalizingly awkward in the   
air that made the gesture seem phony. She could not think of anything   
to say.  
  
"Well, let's get back inside," Usagi said. "I've been a poor   
enough host already."  
  
Rei quickly agreed, and they both walked back into the apartment.   
They did not speak again for the rest of the evening.  
  
  
  
  
  
The next morning, Usagi was up early. She was not used to living   
alone; her time with her adopted family was, from the beginning, a   
self-imposed lesson on the virtues of love and cooperation, which she   
had begun to devalue after several thousand years of loneliness and   
despair.   
  
Still, she noted with both frustration and joy, she deeply missed   
Michiruandharuka, and hoped they wouldn't mind an invitation to dinner.  
  
She did her best to avoid thinking about the inners, who had stayed   
far too long. She despised enjoying her time with them. She loathed   
loving them. That was Setsuna's game; Usagi was very uncomfortable   
playing it.  
  
Every time she blinked, she could see Rei bleeding.  
  
She started her morning by cleaning the mess Minako had   
inevitably made in the kitchen, though simply moving to another   
apartment probably would have been easier. She moved to the living   
room, sighing at the thought of having to vaccuum so soon after moving   
in. Just as she was walking to her closet, though, a small finger   
tapped her on the shoulder. She smirked and turned around.  
  
Hotaru was there, holding a white, paper box and grinning. "Hi!"   
she bellowed, "I just came to see the new place! Here, I brought you a   
bundt cake." She handed the box to Usagi and looked around, curious.   
"The new place is kind of a mess," she remarked. "I guess   
Harukapapaandmichirumama really DID do all of the cleaning back at   
home."  
  
Usagi grunted and set the cake down on a nearby table. "It's not   
my fault," she said. "The inners were here last night. You know how   
they can be."  
  
"No, not really, I just know how Makoto can be. Which is usually   
very clean and responsible." Hotaru idly walked across the room,   
examining every detail of the apartment like a health inspector. "Hey,   
what's that?"  
  
Usagi, who had been poking the cake and noting it was rather   
stale, looked up. "Pardon me?"  
  
Hotaru looked at her with a smirk and held up the bunny-bedecked   
pillow that had been sitting on the love seat. "What's this cute little   
rabbit thing doing here?"  
  
"Oh, that. It's a gift from Setsuna."  
  
"Really? It's just precious." Hotaru hugged the pillow half-  
ironically and smiled up at Usagi. "And you're really keeping it?"  
  
Usagi shrugged. "Of course, it's nice she gave it to me."  
  
Hotaru pressed the pillow against her chest and rested her chin   
on it. She smiled. "You really were listening to me and Pluto,   
weren't you?" Usagi did not answer, but Hotaru tossed the pillow back   
onto the love-seat and practically bounced across the room. "I gotcha   
a real present, but I wasn't sure what you'd think of it."   
  
She produced from nowhere a wrapped gift-box, which she handed to   
her friend with the genuine zeal only a small, happy girl can pull off.   
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that cake, I just picked it up on the way here.   
It's practically older than YOU are."  
  
Usagi raised an eyebrow. "Hotaru, I'm older than the concept of   
baking." She indicated the package in her hands suspciously. "What is   
this?"  
  
"Open it and see! It's for your apartment."  
  
Usagi held the box up to her ear and shook it gently, a rather   
cute action which made Hotaru smile. Ignoring her, Usagi deftly   
unwrapped the box, opened it, and looked inside.  
  
"You have got to be kidding me," she said.  
  
"Nope!" Hotaru bounded over and picked up Usagi's present: a   
large, green, neon lava-lamp. "See? It's perfect for you, all   
mysterious." She set it on a table in the middle of the room and   
plugged it in, chortling. "Turn the lights out!"  
  
Usagi did so, and immediately the entire room was covered in a   
shadowy emerald haze. Hotaru kept smiling, her face literally glowing   
in the darkness. "See, and instantly you have a romantic atmosphere   
for when you bring men here." She paused meaningfully. "Or women."  
  
Usagi nodded, bemused. "So, I'm a 'swinging single' now, am I?"   
she asked, more than a touch of irony in her voice.  
  
"Yep! And, see, the people might think you're kind of weird,   
because, let's face it, you are, but then you'll get them back here,   
and they'll be so entranced by this lava lamp, you'll be able to do   
whatever you want with them."  
  
At this point, Usagi lost her ability to keep a straight face.   
The first giggle erupted from her mouth with a sound like velcro coming   
apart, and then, her mouth gaping, she fell on the floor in hoots of   
laughter. Hotaru followed soon after, and together they practically   
rolled around the green and black floor.  
  
Minutes later, they quieted down, panting hard on the soft   
carpet. Usagi pulled herself up so that her back was against the door   
and grinned. "Thank you, Hotaru."  
  
Hotaru leaned against the couch. "You're welcome. I'm glad to   
see you laugh. You should do it more."  
  
Usagi shrugged. "Sailor Pluto doesn't laugh much."  
  
Hotaru glared at her. "That's not true anymore! It's an outer   
senshi world these days! The unexpected and the unconventional are   
happening all around us. That's how we outers thrive. It's when   
things go right that we get into trouble."  
  
Usagi sat silently for a few moments, then she stretched her back   
and nodded solemnly. "You know, it's really not so bad, being one of   
you." She stood up with sudden determination. The green shadows   
across her face made her look mysterious and beautiful and exotic. "I   
am going to get a haircut," she announced. "It's idiocy to resist the   
inevitable."   
  
With that bizarre non sequitor, she flicked the lights back on   
and went to the kitchen to get her purse. When she returned, she   
immediately wrapped Hotaru in a tight embrace. "Thank you for the   
gift," she whispered into her pseudo-daughter's hair.   
  
Halfway out the door, she turned and said, "Help yourself to   
whatever's in the fridge."  
  
Hotaru stood in the apartment for a few minutes, wondering if she   
should be bewildered or happy. The god Pluto walked out of the kitchen,   
holding an unidentifiable pastry with one bite taken out of it. "Did   
she finally get the message?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So she's not going to go crazy? It's my ass if she goes crazy."  
  
Hotaru glared at him. "No, she's not going to go crazy. She's an   
outer senshi, now, she's accepted it. The world's just wide open to her   
now. She can do whatever she wants."  
  
Pluto nodded grimly. "Good." He regarded the odd girl before   
him with a raised eyebrow. "When did you get so wise, anyway? You're   
just a kid."  
  
Hotaru shrugged. "A few trips on the mothership will do that to   
you."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The hairstylist blinked. "Indigo?" she asked.  
  
Usagi smiled. "Definately."  
  
"Are you sure? I mean, if it's what you want, I'm happy to do it   
for you. But your hair is beautiful the way it is." The hairstylist   
grinned, pointing to her beige curls. "I'd love to have mine blonde   
like yours is."  
  
"Indigo is nice," Usagi said. "Not many people have indigo   
hair."  
  
"Yeah, but blonde is so PRETTY. There's something so sweet about   
it, you know?"  
  
"I'm not paying you to make comments," Usagi said. "Now could   
you get started, please?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rei was sweeping again. The floor seemed to be absolutely free   
from debris, but she kept going, absent-mindedly pushing the broom back   
and forth. She sometimes fell into a trance when she swept, the regular   
movements and soothing sound sending her into a state that was half-  
spiritual, half-hypnotized. Whenever this happened, it took quite a   
bit of prodding to bring her back into the real world.   
  
"Rei-san? Excuse me, Rei-san? Rei-san!"  
  
Rei eventually looked up, vision hazy, and dropped the broom.   
"Usagi-san!" she exclaimed to the blurry, indigo-topped blob before   
her, "your... hair!"  
  
Usagi smiled nervously. "Do you like it?"  
  
Rei blinked a few times to clear her head and examined Usagi   
closely. "Um...yes. Actually I do. It's different."  
  
"I'm glad," Usagi said.   
  
Rei picked up the broom. "Uh...what are you doing here?"  
  
"No reason," Usagi said, her heart pounding. "I just wanted to   
ask someone's opinion about the hair."  
  
"Oh. All right. Yes, it's very nice."  
  
There was a pause. Usagi nearly turned and ran away. She wished   
so much that she was Setsuna, who was beautiful and who blushed   
invisibly. The Sailor Pluto part of herself sneered and laughed inside   
her head. "Actually... Rei-san... that was a lie. I didn't just come   
to ask about my hair."  
  
Rei looked confused and a bit alarmed, probably worried that   
Setsuna was in danger. "You lied? Usagi-san... why are you here?"  
  
Usagi looked up, but kept her gaze slightly to the left of Rei's   
eyes, slightly into the distance. "I came to see you, Rei-san. I   
wanted... to see you."  
  
Rei squinted in confusion. "To see me? Why would you want to...   
oh." There was a pause, and then Rei's eyes opened wider than two full   
moons. "Oh!"  
  
Usagi smiled wistfully. "Please don't misundersand me, Rei-san.   
I just think you are a very special person. Your devotion." She   
looked Rei deep in the eyes and shivered. She had not been this   
excited in one of her entire lives. "I want to understand you. I want   
to understand why and how you care for her so much." Why and how you   
would bleed for her, hold her hand and slip away forever.   
  
Rei opened her mouth, and then closed it again, and then opened   
it again, and then said, "Usagi-san... I don't want you to get the wrong   
idea..."  
  
Usagi smiled warmly, maturely. "I don't want that either," she   
said.  
  
Her cheeks were bright red, and she realized that it was an   
exagerrated, impossible blush. Her hands shook.  
  
Rei noticed Usagi's cheeks, but not her hands. She smiled.   
  
"Sure," she said. "I guess... there's something that makes me want to   
know you better, too."  
  
Usagi fell down. She had taken a breath of relief, but in so   
doing had also stepped where there was no step. Rei rolled her eyes   
and muttered something about the outer senshi and clumsy people in   
general.  
  
Usagi's hands had stopped shaking. She stuck an unnaturally   
large tongue out at Rei, then began laughing, her mouth suddenly taking   
up a good half of her face. "I'm sorry," she said when she had calmed   
down.   
  
Rei was going to respond, but noticed Ami and Minako standing at   
the bottom of the stairs, looking up with expressions that would have   
said, "What the hell?" if they hadn't been young, innocent, happy girls   
whose expressions would never be vulgar.  
  
"Um," Minako said.  
  
"Usagi-san?" Ami asked, "why are you here? Is something wrong?"  
  
Usagi stood up, grinning. "Nope," she replied, "I'm just   
visiting."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It's a bright, colorful world, where even the villians have good   
hearts and nobody would dream of hating and everybody knows that this   
beauty will never end.  
  
Mercury. Jupiter. Moon. Venus. Tuxedo Kamen.   
Uranusandneptune. Mars and Pluto. And sometimes Saturn.   
  
Untold years had passed since the founding of Crystal Tokyo, and   
they were still alive and bright and shining. They would probably be   
granted their divinity any day now.  
  
Sailor Pluto, whose civilian name cannot be applied to the   
languages used today, told a joke. Everybody laughed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
________  
Special thanks to Vic Naqvi and Heles Macanemy 


End file.
